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Umm.. Okay,will double check next time. Will go through all the tabloids before quoting a celebrity.I hope Anil Kumble doesn't read this and sue me. BTW,Anil if you do read my wrongly quoted comment ( my bad , I was a teen then, didn't know the whole story in and out) , please know that I have had a huge crush on you.And you got my respect too when I heard that you fell in love with a lady who had a marriage gone wrong and married her despite her 'tag'. Now I know that this factoid is false and you actually played a role in breaking her marriage. I hate you now . Lol ,no ,I don't.

 

Ur positive outlook will make u succeed in all spheres of life.

 

As others have pointed out here it seems that he's not interested in marrying. That's fine. In that case he could have just said as much. Why did he have to say about not finding a never married girl and finding some one with a baggage? It means that though he would find widows and or divorcees in matrimonial sites, he does not consider them marriage material. May be because he himself is neither a widower nor a divorcee. He had been weighing all the pros and cons from his point of view and just thinking out aloud. So please don't take them to heart. Also understand that you have met at a dating site and so keep it casual unless it leads to something more serious or permanent on its own.

 

You both want two different things out of this relationship. You are looking for marriage while he only wants casual relationship. When the goals are not the same , I don't know why you wasting time on this ? He is being very honest that he doesn't want marriage so are you expecting for some miracle to happen and he changes his mind ? If he doesn't want what you want , how does all this background of health ,only child and other details really matter ? He himself thinks that he isn't marriage material . Let's just assume that he was healthy, would you carry on with someone knowing that he doesn't want marriage ? I just don't get it what are you expecting after things are so clear . Move on please and save yourself some time and agony .

 

First of all, you should come to terms with your actual status of life.
Acceptance is the real medicine for those who trouble themselves by living in denial.

You are a divorcee, in her mid 30s.

This man, and many other men in this matrimonial site comes to you because of your status and not because who you are.
Either they have some minuses in their profile (widowed, divorced, kids, health ailments etc) or low profiled status like no job, no good education etc. Or they would want to settle with a woman with a baggage (Purposely or for a cause).

Nevertheless, you are not necessarily required to consider them for marriage. But accept the fact that in a matrimonial site, or even in the arranged way, the "status" speak volumes than who you are.

Do not expect love at first sight or some attraction before your marriage arrangements are settled.
For these prospective grooms, you are yet another profile. That is it.

Each person has their own criteria to look for the potential groom.
Even you may have your own selection criteria.
So, they select the profiles accordingly.

Frankly, would you chose a divorcee with 2 kids over a never married man?
Unless you personally know which one is best, or you have developed some feelings for one, obviously you would chose the "never married" one. Because it has no/less baggage.

This man has how own reason to chose a divorcee/widow here.
Since you both are above 30s, and matured in life, he was blunt about it.

Even these young lovers have their own reason to hook with someone. But they wouldn't be honest about their reasons. Rather, they would fake it with sugar coated language like "I never planned to marry until I saw you"
Do you expect such wordings from a matrimonial guy, that too before even your alliance is fixed.
This is what called living in denial. This never happens.

But it doesn't mean you have no hope for love and sparks in life.
You are just in your 30s. Find your spark and love before you settle with someone for the sake of it.

PS: BP and diabetes at the age of 40 is very common now a days. Even cholesterol too.
It comes with obesity and poor life style, which is very common in urban life.
But it is not dangerous or out of hand situation.
It takes a good life style change.

 

Well, in your your own words ,you are still thinking of marriage in a couple of years if not immediately and hoping for him to change his mind. Being friends is good but you are looking for something to materialize with this guy . I doubt such friendships which happen on dating sites really is friendship . I have seen this hoping to change the other person or some miracle to happen in bad relationships or relationships going nowhere and this hope rarely materializes . It's generally women who get quite emotional and are optimistic but if things don't fall into place , they are the ones who suffer . You are better off spending a good few years with a person who is on the same page as you than this guy .

 

@cheenu123
nobody is getting any wrong idea about you dear.We all are merely trying to help you as you want us to.
Firstly,please be clear that you cant be friends with someone who you met on a dating site.Clearly ,both of you were there for a reason and that was not finding friends.There is facebook for that.I know what you mean by saying that you cant simply unfriend someone coz their views are different.But this man is there on the dating site not to be your friend.Also he is not interested in marrying (as he said ,coz of his problems).SO ,clearly he is there for DATING. Do you want to continue to invest your time and more importantly your feelings knowing he is there for something temporary?

Next,just because he sounds mature,doesnt mean he is what you are looking for.His maturity is coming from his age.Men mature pretty late.You will find very few mature guys in their 20s or early 30s.

He has made it clear he is not interested in divorcees or widows.You are being too lenient or lets say soft hearted to say that its okay to have a few diseases.It might be okay but girl,he is portraying them as a reason not to marry( whereas they are not that big a reason).So why is he quoting them as a big deal ? Coz he is not interested in marriage ,may be with you (as he knows you are a divorcee ) or may be in general . Who knows? maybe tomorrow,if he finds a lady never widowed or married before ,he might take the plunge.I am sure that time,his diseases wont be an issue to him.To me it sounds as if he has made it clear that he is not interested in marriage to you.Don't take it personally. Here is where you need acceptance.It is not a tag but life.

Please don't fall for him just coz he sounds mature.I know it feels nice talking to someone like that ,especially coming from a bad relationship with a not so nice person.But please be on your guard.My father used to say that anyone who is being TOO nice to you,is being so for a selfish reason.
Always act as you deserve the best.Don't make allowances for others.People take benefit of this and take you for granted.


All the best to you fellow sister.

 

Very good point.Exactly what I am trying to tell her.

Chodo yaar iss aadmi ko.Mature toh hum bhi hain,be friends with us .LOL ...that was in lighter vein.