The Great Tomato Robbery

"GIMME ALL YOUR TOMATOES OR ELSE..."

Sounds familiar doesn’t it.? It is money substituted by tomatoes. In fact tomatoes have become that precious.

In Mumbai police are frantically looking for th felons who gypped couple of hundred kilos of tomatoes and in Indore wholesale market armed security guards keep an eagle’s eye on tomatos. Tomatoes aren’t forever like diamonds .They either perish or end up in our belloes in both solid and liquid forms. But still they are valuable enough to require armed security. They seem to be VIPs among vegetables and fruits.

I felt the pinch when I went shopping for vegetables this morning. When I said “tamatar” my vegetable vendor clutched his chest a. For a moment I thought the word had given him a heart attack. Meeercifully it was nothing of tht sort. He quickly recovered and looked mournfully at me.

“ I am thinking of giving up selling of tomatoes for sometime” he said. “It has become quite a risky business”.

“Why?” I asked.

“As you know, they cost the mmon nowadays. .People are asking whether I am a diamond merchant or vegetable vendor” he said. “But while the prices keep the people away, monkey bands that keep visiting this are have taken a sudden interest in tomatoes.They keep pouncing on my cart helping themselves to the juicy goodies and sit just nearby eating them throwing mocking looks at me”.

“I thought monkeys were only interested in bananas” I said.

“They don’t give a second look to bananas nowadays”.

The simians seem to have a keen sense of what is pricey. If the subziwalla began selling truffles and caviar they would probably switch over to them. That is thae advantage of being monkeys. They don’t have to pay for what they take.

Even humans seem to think that is a great idea. Hence the disappearance of tomatoes from Mumbai market and the vigil in Indore.

But the prices skyrocketing is not such bad idea. It could be helpful in fighting corruption. Any government employee who buys tomatoes should be investigated. The way the prices are shooting up, it is impossible to buy them with your monthly salary.

Also, politicians or officials guying tomatoes could face cases of having assets disproportionate to known sources of income. But these guys are smart. Soon they will strt stashing tins of sun-dried tomatoes, that have a long life in their Swiss-bank lockers.

Don’t be surprised if smart criminals plan a massive multimillion tomato heist nd get away with it. That will be one of the greatest crimes of this century. But to preserve all those stolen tomatoes, they would be compelled to to juice , pickle or sundry them besides making ketchups and sauces. That would lead to lot of employment generation.

Aw come on let us get serious shball we? How do we stop tomato thefts both by humans and simians? I think GM tomatoes are the answer. Some smart guys should come up with a cross between a tomato and a burglar alarm that would wail like banshee when someone touches them , reducing possibility of tomato heists.

 

Viswa beware! Your tomato juice may become more expensive than premium decades olde whiskies. Suggest bringing down the price by adulterating it with vodka..Hope Modi hasn't red your fb. Otherwise he might adde a detmoatoisation.

 

The aavacado thieves certainly must be Mexicans, taking away the beloved fruit of their country from Trumpistan. This certainly justifies Trumps' proposal of a wall between US and Mexxico.

 

Poojashah thanks. Tomatoes are not just making people cry mildly many are bursting out shedding copious tears. But there are others who heave a sigh of relief. Me for example. The prices are so high that the wife won't add tomatoes to the food every day.

 

Switch over to eggs instead.They are cheaper. Rotten eggs could even come free. And old chappals are also an effective alternative.