Depressed And Feeling Helpless! Pls Pls Advice

OP, you need to come out of your comfort zone.
I was exactly in your situation with one big difference that marriage never consummated.
The husbands who are lacking sexually compensate in other areas so there is nothing new and no generosity please.

 

good that you realise your fears about divorce. I m divorcee. and mind you life s tough. Though my reason for divorce was IL and he had abandoned me in hospital during delivery. Another major concern of that marriage was sex. He was a sex maniac. I couldn't stand him....may be the reason he used the opportunity to leave me. if your husband s able to perform trice in a month...please try to adjust with it. Thinking at least you have thrice in month than doing nothing after divorce. you will get a good partner but when you are deciding to quit this marriage just be strong thinkinf you can lead life alone. coz there are many manipulative men who will have relationships knowing your past and use. you being pampered in this relationship ...cant stand any dominating man.

I see lots of replies in this thread and understand that it's a problem which i m not able to understand. coz we are victim of 2 extremes.

 

@omnam, so if u r saying u r facing dry period becoz of divorce, i fail to understand why wud u want to be with the husband who abandoned u during delivery...he is worse than the worst man---as worst as the man who taunt a woman during pregnancy that they want a boy child...do u seriously miss that man...if so, please get into therapy asap !!!!

Getting physical action shudn't be the reason for bearing any emotional or physical abuse....i don't understand how some desi women are able to do the act with their husband when they are emotionally or physically abused.....

i and my friends were discussing that if we were emotionally or physically abused by our partner, all our love wud fly away n we wud not let him even touch our finger !!

then, 2 people ideally who get married shud have equal drives otherwise, its very very frustating for the other party...high drive woman with low drive man is equally frustating as is a low drive woman with a high drive man...n for most woman, physical act is a sacred thing...so find, get married n do it with the right man..

get out of the wrong equation n try to find the right partner rather than waiting for the day when u need to go to therapy for missing the action with an abusive spouse !!

divorce doesn't stop anyone from finding the right partner !!

 

If you want here people to say yes for whatever you are saying or if you want us to give different perspective of your decision!? We are giving later.

And as I mentioned very clearly in my post which you opted to ignore that I haven't faced such problems so no clue of how you feel abused. I know this s also sexual abuse. No denial on that. But try to give maximum chances to this marriage before jumping insome other marriage with some other set of problems
I have been member here since 8years now. I have had discussed my problems..have got support from members. This s great place discuss your issues and get clarity but you will not get solution by counter advising or arguing member who s trying to give their perspective.

your loving desi girl omnam

ps..read my responses in quotes too

 

good to know u r happliy re-married....there is a lid for every pot.....one shouldn't advise anyone on bearing abuse-physical or emotional ..its wrong on all levels....every person can find their true soulmate if they weed out and get away from the wrong abusive ones...and being with a soulmate is a wonderful thing...if u read my other post, u will discover that i met my soulmate when i was looking my shabbiest self while cleaning the bathroom...lol..n he is truly my soulmate.

 

will read about it @dia3 . sorry for being blunt then. My only intention is not to get the poster into worse situation. I know many women coming out of marriages, failing remarriage and ending up all alone without any relative or even sibling around.
Also, since I am divorced doesnt mean I support it.
Since i have not seen the other extreme... I feel this is adjustable.
And I wish whatever poster decide ..she gets happiness with it.

 

Dear op,
I dont know why i feel like iam listening my story from u.somehow my husband behave like this as iam a working women if i have any problem at work i cant discuss with him..he is Stubborn,he has sexual problem but only difference is yours perform thrice a month and mine perform just once in two or three month....but i do not initiate often...at the end iam still struggling to adjust...all in all your condition is much better....yes couple can live happily without sex it is possible as google says...if they have good understanding ....so dont give up too soon....

 

i never agree with what u said or other poster who r saying try to make things work by keep taking abuse --question is how long---some women wait too long for their hubby to change...well, things only go downhill n when they leave their marriage, its too late in terms of the baggage these women leave with n that is why, they have a hard time finding the right man 2nd time around...its all because of their baggage so its better not to take any nonsense from day one n walk out of things r not working out ....

I have seen indian women getting dream husband in late 30s and 40s also and then i have seen women compromising in 20s .....so if a woman has no baggage n is happy within herself, i have seen such women get a very handsome n successful man in 40s too ...

these days, lot of reverse age marriage happen too.....n as far as children r concerned, its all about overall health, there r women who struggle to conceive in 20s n there r women who give natural birth even in late 40s....because these days, lot of men n women take care of their health, diet , go to gym everyday, do physical activities like running, trekking, kayaking so most are in very good health n shape.....

my sister in law - she is very pretty n makes lot of money too as an attorney n she married at 39 and wanted to have baby after few years of marriage n became first time mom at 43 that too naturally with a very healthy n cute baby !..

 

\i was hearing a podcast today where a woman said- she married at 41 and had healthy babies naturally at 43 and 46...many cases now-a-days....so ladies, don't worry about this biological clock crap....

this was 1 crap that was used by some men n women in some traditional society to pull uneducated women down because these kind of men n women can't blabber even a word face to face in front of successful beautiful women who r fit n health conscious n at peak of their career....

here in west, men n women don't utter this biological clock crap in front of anyone ...even in Indian high societies, its like that.......other than some weird movie celebrities in west trying to grab attention who have been on pills for so so long...no wonder being on pills since teenage for 15 years or more will cause infertility ..

if u read mrs clinton's auto-biography, she had her first baby in her 30s in 1980's that too naturally n healthy baby back in 1980's !!..she herself was a very successful yale educated attorney back in 1980's n successful women like her didn't give a crap about biological clock even back in 1980's n this is 2017 so enjoy ur life n marry when u feel like marrying n not under some timeline...

i see too many divorces n single INDIAN moms who married at 24 to 27 only to be divorced n become a single mom... n being a single INDIAN mom is not easy in 20s; 30s or 40s or 50s, as sadly indians even in west, even born raised or settled here don't respect single indian moms..

so to the OP who started the initial post worrying about age n all, age is just a number !so just CHILL n wait for the right man instead of compromising for the sake of just settling down

 

@sensitivegal Start looking at the things in different way. I know you have waited patiently for long time.

Try focusing on Career or new skill. In 6 months you can do wonders. Like get into Programming/Analytics or something. Show you can do something. Automatically he will come into the line. We all want you both to be happy.