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Exhausted

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by cheenu123, Jul 24, 2017.

  1. cheenu123

    cheenu123 Gold IL'ite

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    It's been more than a year since I got separated and came back to my parents. I'm now officially divorced and slowly trying to collect myself as I have struggled with major depression. Still I get flashbacks and during those times I retrieve in my shell. Ever since I returned, my mom has been very very difficult.

    Every now and then she starts shouting at me that why do you sleep so much, help me and your SIL in the kitchen, go to the gym, do this, do that. I understand that being a mother she is concerned however, offlate, things have started getting ugly. Yesterday, first she sent my dad in my room. He entered and came shouting at the top of his voice who sleeps on Sunday like this why don't you do something to which I said that after 5 days of so much commuting I get very exhausted. I reminded him that I took mom out for a movie on Saturday so please stop shouting and leave me alone.

    He barged outside the room and then came my mom who started shouting at the top of her voice, unfazed by the presence of maids, bhabhi, brother. My mom went onto the extent of saying I feel like slapping you and thrashing you, you good-for-nothing girl. This was very shocking to me, Im a 33 year old woman and just couldn't take this so I retorted don't you dare touch me. All hell broke lose and everyone entered my room and started cursing me.

    I understand my family's concern but I need time to get back to my old self. Im working on my fitness and other things though I know my progress is slow. I feel suffocated. Please guide.
     
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  2. sonal1611

    sonal1611 Gold IL'ite

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    Till what time u sleep on weekends??

    Rest everyone in ur family wakeup early ???
     
  3. VaniVyas

    VaniVyas Platinum IL'ite

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    Speak to ur parents and explain to them in person what u go through, how ur planning ur life etc.
    May be they have something else in mind that makes them shout at you??
    You need to figure out what exactly is bothering them and you so that u can discuss and sort it out.
    Venting out and shouting may be the result of some past experiences and usually not because of a single incident.
     
    sindmani and SunPa like this.
  4. cheenu123

    cheenu123 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi, my parents wake up by 6:30 everyday.
    On Saturdays and Sundays my bhabhi and bhai wake up by 8 and I wake up by 8:30 or 9
     
  5. BDivya

    BDivya Platinum IL'ite

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    Ur mom is showing her fear/feeling of sadness because of her daughter's life, even though she is right but she is showing all her emotions on an already more sad/depressed person-her daughter-you.. This is a very tough time for both u and ur family..
    My suggestion would be - take a PG/room for rent very near by ur parent's place and visit them whenever u feel that u need them emotionally..by this way u can lead and cope up with ur feelings and not be bombarded by other family member's advice. yes, family generally tries to advise u in all possible ways, making it very tough for u..they dont realise that u r going through a trauma, blame the society for the family behaviour. ur mom is just trying to get u back in shape, make u wake up early and help in chores, just to make u alright and to become 'fit' again for a second chance in life.. but generally mums try so hard that they forget that their daughter needs some time to come out of the already occurred depression..
    If u stay near but not in the same house, u will regain urself back quickly..and this way u can take ur own time to choose another life all by yourself and not for the sake of ur parents/society and plus, u ll have some respect for urself by doing so.. u ll feel self worth and no one can ever make u feel worthless..
    its completely ok to take how much ever time u require to regain back ur self, so dont go by the words of others that ur worhtless or whatever..remember u r strong and can conquer ur life again only with patience and confidence that u ll regain very soon..
    if u stay in such a place where constantly someone says ur worthless and other hurtful words , u ll never regain urself..u ll fall down again and again..sadly by ur own family..they must also understand u and not talk to u like this..better save ur self worth and take a place near ur parents may be temporarily until u stabilize urself and remember the following points:
    1. regain urself
    2. get back ur shape
    3. get a job(small/big, doesent matter) a job to stay away from useless people's words
    4. then after all the 3 points go back to ur house and live with ur family , that time they will respect u and with the same mouth they will say u have made urself worthy!!!
    all the best :)
     
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  6. sumalynux

    sumalynux IL Hall of Fame

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    Can you try staying with PG or sharing with friends as roommates help you forget past, give you privacy and get back on your feet n come strong.. All the best..
     
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  7. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, I understand how you feel. This may just be the cue needed for you to look for alternate accommodation. Sleeping late on weekends is not bad. To each their own. You don't need to justify that. What your parents did was wrong by making a scene. There was no need for that. If they were in foul mood and lashed out at you they cud have done it in your room alone. Take this opportunity to look for alternate accommodation. You need to heal and being by yourself just might do it faster.Dont listen to anybody telling you otherwise. Look around and move out. If your commute is so much , why don't you look near your workplace. Then you can cite commute as reason.Good Luck.
     
  8. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    In typical Indian society once a daughter is married parents feel it is inappropriate for her stay long term with them , whatever the case. To add to it your brother and SIL are also living with them.
    So the best option is to dust yourself , get up , find an alternate accommodation stay there permanently . Visit your parents once in a while , find other hobbies and interests to keep your mind occupied and away from negative thoughts. Good luck !
     
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  9. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, I agree with the suggestions above. You need to get on with your life - you have only one life to live. Don't waste time fretting about the past.

    (1) You should consider moving out. Taking on more daily chores may help you get over your funk. If you had to shop, cook, or go foraging for food at restaurants nearby, do your laundry, etc., that activity may provide a welcome distraction.

    (2) Re: your parents - their anxiety is understandable, but not their behavior. A lot depends on what they, and you, are usually like, independent of stress situations. Are they dramatic and short tempered in general? Heedless of your (and other people's) feelings? What are you usually like? Before the depression I mean. Were you energetic? Is this lethargy uncharacteristic? Reflecting on these may help you understand the situation better; but in any case, the universal rule applies - you cannot control other people, only yourself. So, take responsibility, take control.

    (3) If you do decide to move (maybe even to a different city, depending on your job/career situation), then simply say that you need a change and greater independence to get your life back in gear. Do not say that you are leaving because they are driving you crazy. That would be counter productive.
     
  10. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    All of you sit and discuss why this is happening. Their frustration may be ur life has spoiled now so they may be worried as after their life who is going to take care of you. Shouting may be a reflection of worry on you. You all discuss this in front of a counsellor then you may find out what is exactly going on in all of ur minds and why this is happening.
     

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