Give Me Some Suggestions

What did he cook when you were away in those 5 months?
Are they typical Indian hot and fresh foods 4 times a day? or some simple food 1-2 times a day and the remaining were from outside?
If he says that cooking is easy since he has done that before, then do how he has done it.
I assume, your man must have cooked 1-2 meals, and stored the remaining in fridge for the next 2-3 days, and ate out or brought take away food for the remaining meal times.
If that's what he means easy cooking, then you too do the same.

Of course he would criticize you, complain and what not. But ignore. Do what you can.
If I were you, I would cook in bulk for once, and store them in fridge. Perhaps in different containers for different days. I would ask my family members (except for young kids) to microwave the containers as they please.
Cooking for 3-4 times a day can be very very tiring. You must learn to say NO to such unrealistic expectations.

My MIL was forced to cook 4 times a day, that too during odd hrs as FIL pleased. Her 3 sons did not bother at all about her health or physical conditions, but demanded her to cook for them too.
Eventually she has accepted it, and learnt to cook/clean and do all the chores quickly.
So, none of them at their house thinks being a house-wife is tough. They take her for granted.
At the age of 60, she is still expected to perform all the duties, while the other 3 men in her house would watch TV all the day and still complain body aches, tired; thus take frequent naps during their vacation to MIL's place.

MIL thinks all the women should be like her. She thinks her inability to say NO to FIL then and there was a good behavior. Thus, if we or any women say NO to such ruthless demand, she would criticize them. She believes a women should slog in the kitchen and do sewa to her family members no matter what. If a women fails in this aspect, she takes it as an inability; hence criticize.
Her children believe this to be true, so no amount of clarification opens their eyes.

However, we (the DILs of their family) say NO. A plain NO when such demands happen.
Because we have never seen a slave like women in life before. We pity for MIL, eventhough she is proud about her skills.
Initially they criticized us, blamed our upbringing and complained to the world as if we are lazy. Who cares.
We practiced what is normal to be practiced in a house of a modern working woman.
As I told you, I cook in bulk, store in fridge, or opt for take away meals since I won't cook 3 times daily.
If I am sick or extremely tired, then someone else cooks (H) or we buy outside.
Since it is the practice for the past 9 years, my H adopted to this.
Of course he did show reservations initially, but he also sees other working women na.. if not, I would show him other families to put some sense.

Whatever it is....
Learning to say NO when it is necessary is the only solution to your problem. Don't hope that your H will realize or empathyse with your problem. He is not wired, and such values are not inherited in his blood either

 

The problem is not the chores but your way of handling a disappointing period in life.

I know women who have had it more difficult than you.

One suggestion for you. Start meditating.

What did you see in this man to marry him?

 

Just asking!!

1. What would be his reaction if you do not pay attention and react when he says the house is not clean? I would say, Let him do the cleaning if he feels the house is dirty or messy or simply ask him to wait until you do it. Let the house be a little messy, no big deal! Clean and arrange stuff only when you have time.
2. Would your husband starve himself, but still not eat if you do not make all the dishes that he orders you to make? Did you ever tell him that this is it and that you are not going to go into the kitchen again as you are busy with the kid? Tell him that you will prepare the sides some other time and adjust with what you made.
3. Regarding cooking for the kid when you order takeout from restaurants, You could order another less spicy dish for the kid, but it probably takes about 30 min - 1hr to prepare for the kid which should be ok I believe.

 

OP, sorry to say that your husband is behaving like this because you are allowing him to do it.. you are jumping with his tunes.. he knows well that he can show all his tantrums because you care & follow it . Now the controlling string is in your dh's hand, you have to take it back.

Stop dancing with his tunes. Learn to say NO or ignore his demands.Do whatever you can do . If he plays house wife card again, neglect it... create an attitude like this is what I can do, If he wants more service hire a servant. .. you are his wife not servant... develop dont care attitude to shouting arguments demands ets..

If he request you nicely then do additional favour... if he orders you don't follow it like a servant... he is your husband not your boss..

If not you will be like till the end..
Arise awake and do your best , but pl don't bend in to unreasonable demands.. you need to stay strong and firm , be calm and cool.. fighting back or arguing won't help

 

I think you should reduce your cooking, make oatmeal for breakfast. Cook chapatis, poriyal, whatever in the morning enough for the rest of the day. For cleaning vessels, don't you guys have a dishwasher?

 

I very much agree with you about the MIL reasoning.Nowadays they want an educated woman as DIL but she should be able to work at home as this is the only thing she was brought up to do. And the husbands who have seen their mothers toiling away think it's no big a deal for his wife to do the same coz that's what wives are supposed to do.