My Parents Cut All Contacts With Me

Discussion in 'Pregnancy & Labor' started by imhappy, Jul 12, 2017.

  1. imhappy

    imhappy Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    200
    Likes Received:
    150
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all!

    My mother has not called me even once since I told her about my pregnancy. When I called her to tell this news she said "good. I am very busy at the moment. Take care, keep maid from seven months." Then no contact till now. My father called me on my birthday just to wish and call lasted barely for 2 minutes.

    I had my share of depression over this issue but now I feel that it is worthless to worry about it. My aunt and in laws are very happy, and there are ready to help.

    But everyday this topic comes in my mind and for that hour or so I feel sad. My mother has never cared about me and I was totally fine, but since being pregnant I yearn for atleast a call of formality from her.

    Another thing, I am planning to go to my aunts place after my baby arrives for some days to rest. I know my mother will call me then and make a big fight on this issue that I am at aunts place and not hers. Also she will complain why I didn't call her during pregnancy. Whenever she calls my aunt (which is rare) she never mentions anything about me. After first knowing that I am pregnant, she called my aunt and started to rant that as now I am pregnant she had to spend money for my delivery. She hasn't even talked with me about this, I have never asked for any financial help from her ever.

    I don't know what I will say to her when she complains for me not calling her or not going to her place after baby arrives. Frankly I don't want to start a fight when she calls, but clearly want to say what I feel. I feel that she could have called me atleast once for formality. But she never did.

    When I learned from my aunt before two months or so that she is not well, I called her, call lasted for about 45-50 mintues. She never once asked me how I am doing. Or how was my pregnancy going. Or I can go to her place if I feel so. Am I expecting too much from her? I feel guilty when I thought about this that I am expecting too much from her.
     
    Loading...

  2. deepthik2017

    deepthik2017 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Firstly congrats to-be-mommy.
    I would suggest try to put an end to negative thoughts or anything that makes you feel down. Your thoughts have impact on the baby.
    If your parents were never like this. Try to speak to your mum and tell her how much you miss her. If you feel it might result in argument do not to question her about this.
    Thank God for support through in-laws and aunt.
    Take rest and eat right for your baby.
     
    deepthyanoop and imhappy like this.
  3. imhappy

    imhappy Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    200
    Likes Received:
    150
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    @deepthik2017 thanks for replying. No my mother has never cared for me, I was at my grandparents house since I was infant.
     
  4. deepthik2017

    deepthik2017 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Since you know the reason I think its best not to worry about it.
    Even I was with my grandmom until I was 16 and returned home once my Grandmom passed away.
    Try speak to your mom often(causal talk) if it makes you feel better but don't expect much from her.
    Go through forms and make a check list as to what you/baby require during and after delivery so that you might not depend on anyone much.
    Once the baby is born you would be all occupied.
     
  5. imhappy

    imhappy Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    200
    Likes Received:
    150
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    @deepthik2017 thank you again dear. Yes I know her, I am only worried for when she wants to make big issue as it is her habit of doing. I don't want to deal with unnecessary verbal fights after baby comes, as I will be tired and busy. I hope God will help me find a way out of this.
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    1,917
    Likes Received:
    3,997
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Op, Congrats on your pregnacny.

    Count your blessings. You are going to be mommy soon. You have supportive ILS. It is quite natural to seek emotional support from parents at this stage. Based on your own experience you know well what is going to happen. So dont expect anything from your mother. pl dont talk these issue to aunt or others . That will make you more depressed.

    Take care of your health and be happy. Stay away from negative energy and negative people. Stay in contact with positive people and positive things in life. This stage will pass. Soon you will be very busy with baby. Enjoy pregnancy , you will miss it too..
     
    Naari likes this.
  7. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    217
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Congratulations dear:cheer:

    This must be the most cherished stage, realizing there is a small life living & growing inside you, What a feeling isn't it?! So only focus on that little bundle of happiness awaiting to see this world, who would call you "amma/mom/ma, etc" He/ She would be your world in sometime, matter of months.

    Not sure what exactly is the issue with your mom, but its clear you don't bond very well with her. Irrespective of all that, I know mom is mom always & you tend to expect from her because we all have an ideal imagination of a "mother", when we look around and see everyone else's mothers are so loving, it hurts more. I can very well relate to your feelings, its been 2 years my mom spoke to me. Not having a loving relationship with your parents doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, there has to be efforts from both ends to make it work. Look at positive people, other directions of love in your life.

    Please "ignore" the rest, don't allow any disturbing feeling sink inside, focus on the good, stay happy, do things you love, all your emotions will impact the lil life in you. If your mom creates an issue that you are at your aunt's place, simply tell her you were invited by your aunt & not by your mom. It can lead to more issues, but sometimes there is no escape, face it & finish it.

    May the almighty bless you with all the strength you need, enjoy this time.

    Take Care & Good Luck
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2017
    Naari likes this.
  8. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,807
    Likes Received:
    5,249
    Trophy Points:
    383
    Gender:
    Female
    Congratulations !! Focus on your child , family and wonderful in laws . Don't expect too much from the parents, seems like there is some history there. Don't let their negativity affect you !
     
    Naari likes this.
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Congratulations op.
    Like others have mentioned ,concentrate on the positive.
    Enjoy your pregnancy and the love and care of your in laws.

    As for your mom,what was the reason for you to be raised by grandparents?
    Did your mother consent to this arrangement?
    Did she have the option to spend time with you or bond with you?
    Did you as a child ever ignore her and choose your grandparents over her?
    Did you ever show her you wanted to be with her?

    Talk to her and let her know you miss being with her.
    Tell her you missed out on having a life with her,you don,'t want your child to miss out on her too.

    I am sorry op...I cannot access your previous threads hence asking these questions.
     
  10. imhappy

    imhappy Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    200
    Likes Received:
    150
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you all for replies and support! @yellowmango I don't want to even remember all those hurtful things which your questions are arising in my mind, that's my past I cannot change it. I just know as a kid I didn't decide anything for myself, parents did.

    As for me missing her, I don't know if I am feeling because other women get support from their mothers and they are around me.

    I have called her, but if she is only absorbed in herself and never cares to ask my well-being I am not going to call her and again sink in depression.
     
    skalluri likes this.

Share This Page