In Search Of A Perfect Partner...!!

I don't believe that perfect people or perfect relationships exist. It's more like compatible people and compatible relationships, like "whatever works for those two people together" kinds.

I met my dh through common friends, we became friends, so we married each other's best friends. There was no expectation of "perfect partner" or "perfect relationship" from each other, money, job was never a point to decide. We have gone through huge ups n downs in our life, but we just hold onto each other and cross through each one with atleast a small smile. N we never make a big deal about any of it or run to parents for help, we believe that we can just do it.

Almost after a decade of marriage and 12 years after knowing my dh, I can come up with a few points that may help newbies to look in a partner, wherever suitable.

You should be able to...
- listen/ talk to your partner, it doesn't matter what. Could be about next house aunt or about NASA or trump or a ghost dream, basically anything. He is going to be with you when you are 60, kids out of the house, he will be your only partner.
- make each other laugh. Sometimes Play silly like kids.
- respect each other and their wishes, requirements, etc. Never take them for granted or ridicule.
- think that each other are your first priority. Top of the list.
- never let a third person into your relationship. Sort it out yourself.
- respect them in front of others, including your family and friends.
- don't force your decisions or thoughts to the other. Explain and make your case.
- fight / argue to the point. Don't bring the past or curse words. Stick to what the problem is and find solution or share feelings directly. "It's hurtful that we are arguing about this" "yes it's my mistake, i didn't mean to do it" "I am feeling very hurt that you did/ said this". Being direct and to the point, gets the msg straight across. I have realized long back that it's important to talk to men direct rather than indirect because they are wired different and it's hard for them to understand us without some help
- continue being friends
- ego should be thrown out, but respect should be kept for a healthy relationship.
- looks, goes away - we become fat, thin, tanned, fair, bald, wrinkly, whatever - it's never long lasting - but admire the beauty of your partner for who they are. (Say you get the most handsome man and he's a womaniser or an abuser, is the look gonna matter?)
- character - very important
- stick to whatever works for the 'both' of you. Don't go by others. Remember you both are unique.
- don't run after any "perfection" - it's a myth. Your idea of perfection may not be for another.

I know I have covered a very few points here that were just on top of my head.
The point is that this is a mutual thing, if only one carries the whole load it will only be a painful burden.

A healthy - happy relationship may look easy from the outside but even that requires both the partners dedication, hard work and most importantly, mutual love to get there and be there. If it was so easy, everyone would be happy right and the world will be a happy place. But it's very much possible.

 

Haha of course

 

Haha.. I didn't even cover half

 

Haha.. no no, we aren't that interesting. I will sleep off myself

It's just to convey a few points to make ones life bearable and to find that "compatible" partner.

 

I whole-heartedly support you recipe of a successful marriage born out of your experience and professional competence. These finer aspects of adjustment are very much important in the success of any marriage. If these aspects can be animated in the form of video and compulsorily administered to bridegroom and bride, before marriage, many a life in this earth would have been saved.

 

Thanq And that's a good idea. All govt / all religious marriage ministers should be given a copy of this.

 

Define what is "perfect" to you. A well-defined six pack might very attractive and yet a sign of a person who is too self-centered.

Perfect bride for me would me...

5,7" tall, very light or light skin tone, well-educated and from a good family.

Character is what makes the person ultimately.