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Take Your Bloody Kid And Go!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by shygirl2016, Jun 26, 2017.

  1. shygirl2016

    shygirl2016 New IL'ite

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    “Take your bloody kid and go!”

    Yes! That’s right, that’s the exact words that came out of my FIL’s mouth.

    My DS is 1 year old. I have been living with my IL’s for over 5 years now, basically ever since I have gotten married. DH and I are very loving and caring towards each other. My IL’s want to know EVERYTHING DH and I are doing. In the early days of our marriage, when we want to spend some alone time we would go on a dinner date and tell IL we won’t be home for dinner, despite they know we are out they would constantly be ringing us all the time. My FIL is very verbally to everybody in the house. He has called me so many rude and abusive names over the years. Sometimes when I would say good morning to him he would look at me and then look away as if I was not worth it. HE is very stuck up and has no respect for woman. My MIL is very nosy and doesn’t give DH and I any privacy. She has no concept of boundaries at all. It’s basically ‘all about her all the time’.

    You can read my previous post hear: In-laws Will Not Let Us Move Out... Help

    Everybody in DH’s family know what they are like but nobody has the guts to say anything to them especially my husband.

    FIL always uses rude words at home, we have asked MIL to tell him not to say these word as DS will start picking thing up soon. A week before DS 1st birthday party, FIL was using bad slang and talking directly at DS. I firmly asked him not to use those words as I don’t like it. And oh boy FIL did not like that. Initially he ignored me and continued talking. I went up to him and repeated myself, then acting ignorant he said ‘What?’ as if who are you to talk to me like that. So I said it again and he lost it at me. He accused me of not allowing him to spend time with DS (FACT: I give DS to my FIL at 4pm everyday and even after I’m home from work. This is my own bonding time with my own son that I give up for that awful, horrible, narcissistic man). He then started abusing and cursing me and even kicked me out of the house again. I asked him why he is yelling but he just kept telling me to shut up. That’s when he said ‘Take your bloody kid and go’ Hubby and MIL were there and did not stick up for me either. MIL recently had her uterus taken out and needed rest for a few weeks. During this time, I cooked all the food, made food for MIL before going to work, cleaned her toilet and bathroom, washed and hung all her and FIL’s clothes, changed all her bedding and basically did everything else. She has not been very nice to me prior to her surgery. Even say a lot of bad things about me to her family which the family have come and told me. She is the reason why DH and I couldnot move out earlier this year. Even my SIL came over and begged me not to break her family apart (I still don’t understand how that was breaking the family apart) MIL and FIL said if we move out they will break all ties with us and never want to see us again. They just basically gave us an ultimatem to gain control over us. They knew it woul scare my hubby to used such cheap tactics. And then my MIL tells me to get over everything that happened. So if things worked out differently, we moved out in January, they broke all ties with us, and we went and said to get over everything that happened and move on. How would they react?

    I really hate this place. I have been so depressed since I have been married. This is just a few examples I’m writing about today but there have been so many incidence here. Its really driving me crazy. We are building a house and will be out soon but everyday is just getting harder. I am taking anti-depressants and have told some friends who have all told me to get of here asap.
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Leave now. Rent a place if you must. Your husband can join you if and when he manages to acquire a backbone.
     
  3. planetx

    planetx Junior IL'ite

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    If I were you I would definitely walk out of the house. As already suggested rent a place and live independently. Your husband will definitely join you. If your parents live in same city you go and stay with them for some days.

    You have put up with their crap for five long years without taking a bold decision. They take you for granted.
     
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  4. Elsa

    Elsa Gold IL'ite

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    I am sorry you had to go through this. I read your other post too. Do not beat yourself for having stayed back with your IL's the last time. You tried to make the relationship work and they have not changed a bit.

    Please use this incident as an excuse to move out of the house. In the same city or if possible move to a different one. Your FIL seems to be stuck in his times. Looks like you cannot win a fight with him because he can go to any extent to keep you down. Ask your husband to think about your child and let him know how these fights can affect your child. Do not give him a choice. His only option should be moving out. Also, please do not fall for your SIL and MIL's dramas again. There is nothing wrong on living seperately. I know how its still a big taboo in Indian society, but I am sure your relations will improve for the better if you live seperately. I have seen such cases in my own family where, for the fear of society, they had to live together, but I have seen them fighting often.

    Make a wise decision, do not take too much stress. Good luck!
     
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  5. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, You poor dear. Run and don't look back. Pack your bags, take your son and rent a place.Your SIL telling not to break family apart is nonsense. Does she live with her abusive father. Your FIL , MIL don't want your hubby married and when he married they want their son as a bachelor and not a married man.Your son is going to be exposed to such environment very soon. Do you want a foul mouthed son.

    We as wives have to raise our husbands to become responsible men committed to family. Usually we end up with glorified toddlers when we get married.Time for you to teach your hubby responsibility of being a married man with an impressionable kid.Rent a place and give hubby ultimatum. You tried and now you cant do anything. Be strong and don't come into words of FIL is sorry . That never works. And never succumb to be patient. Use this incident to your advantage. Walk out. Time for hubby to grow a spine. No assurances shud be considered. That is all surface talk to get you back with no real meaning to it. Good Luck.
     
  6. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    His statement is a good enough reason to get out. Rent a furnished place of your own and get out of that house with your DS. Wait till the house is done. Move in to new home from there. Use this statement as reason to escape from that hell. Till the time you are ready to put up with it, your dh will not take a stand.
     
  7. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Good opportunity ! Take your kid and leave ASAP !
     
    shygirl2016 and momsky like this.
  8. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Leave NOW. Let your husband grow up to be a man and decide what he wants to do.
    Until then you take care of your little one while the other little one stays with his parents.

    If you don't leave now, you will be treated like someone living at their mercy. And you are giving them chances to take you for granted.

    Your self respect should not be the cost you spend for the marriage to be happy.
     
  9. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    Step up for yourself. Take this opportunity and yell your husband that he should feel ashamed that infront of him his wifd and his own son is told yo grt out and he is not even having the spine to stand up for you both.
    Tell your husband you cannot bring up your kid in such an abusive environment and pack your things and go off... rent another small house if posbl else go to your parents house.
     
  10. shygirl2016

    shygirl2016 New IL'ite

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    Thank you for you advice and suggestions
     

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