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Conversation With Dh Always Turning Serious - Even For Petty Issues

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by MahiSree, Jun 23, 2017.

  1. venlax

    venlax Silver IL'ite

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  2. Naari

    Naari Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, one question, why do you talk about in laws in the limited time you have with your Dh? Does he start talking about them or you? Honestly, this is a sensitive topic for most DIL's (well there are some exceptions, but let's talk of majority) and even though there may be good understanding between Dh and Dw, this one can cause lot of arguments just due to the complex relationship mix. So, pls know that you are not the only one.

    I would suggest you talk about yourselves, DS and happy chatting /joking when you guys meet / talk for short time, like you probably did when you met and give the in law topic a break. This will help in reviving the love and get you guys closer too.

    Well, as for he venting his work frustration on you, that's not acceptable at all. Maybe you can try to get to the bottom of it and help him work through his work issues, so you don't have to bear the brunt of it.
     
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  3. venlax

    venlax Silver IL'ite

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    most ladies are facing these problems irrespective of emp. or not.emp ladies flight is worst. .i think men however-god & nice to the world basically they are egoistic except a very few.they can't show their to anyone else, boss,parents,kids ,friends etc.all the suppressed anger pours on wife who he very much know will never leave him for two reasons,society & kids.i used to wonder how many couple would have separated if the society never talks ill of others (Utopian situation) or kids are not there.
    best thing redirecting the focus of mind from such quarrels & arguments.
    having some personal priorities like reading books, yoga, meditation,singing,drawing,going to temples,doing poojas at home etc.fix up some time for it.
    what about ur are in laws. whether they or o.k or not try to be friendly with them & help them if they require anything. Their blessings will help u.
    concentrate on ur son .apart from doing routine core,do something special for him.His happiness will erase all ur worries.
    if ur Dh cooperates,both can together engage in yoga /walking /jagging activities.others entertainment,temple visit etc will again invite priority issue unless one gives up.
    at times of quarrel either leave the place & do something or keep quiet mentally reciting some one word gods name or one line ur favorite song.
    things will change hope for the better. May god bless u & ur family.
    " The woods are lovely ,dark & deep but i have promises to keep & miles to go before i sleep."
     
  4. Paviwetheart

    Paviwetheart New IL'ite

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    Very true. Irrespective of stay at home mom or working mom. It's d same. Maximum fights would be bcz of in-laws or husband siblings. My in-laws stay away even then they r d main reason for the quarrel.
     
  5. MahiSree

    MahiSree Gold IL'ite

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    HI Purple2017,

    At times he would be too caring and I would think whether is he the same person who talked so angrily?
    Nowadays I could not react and would give a blank stare which he says is irritating him a lot
     
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  6. MahiSree

    MahiSree Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you dear Babyhope86.
     
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  7. MahiSree

    MahiSree Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks SandyCandy.
    I am trying very hard not to loose my temper or emotion when he talks harshly. 98% I would be like just listening.
    But I am also a human with emotion. All my 'silent treatment' would go in vain, by the moment I open up pointing his mistakes :facepalm:
     
  8. MahiSree

    MahiSree Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you Venlax for your wishes :) I too hope a positive change will happen in our family.
    To add a few,
    I do work - Same designation, Same salary and Organizations of same reputation, but diff technology.
    I can literally match the problems he would face as I face similar problems. at least, problem dimensions would be same.

    To whom can I vent it out?

    in-laws - However friendly I am, they would take their Son's side. FIL once said that its all after his son's marriage only, there are problems at home.:( They on the other hand, try to control both of us (DH and Me) by emotionally blackmailing. THats a separate story.

    Our working hours are different. Even if we are available together at home, he wont come for anything like walk or temple. He says, if you want you go.
    So from yesterday, I have started talking less. For that too am getting bashes. But eventually I hope it would become my habit and they had to admit it.
     
  9. MahiSree

    MahiSree Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Naari,

    Thanks for pitching in to give your suggestions.

    Talking to in-laws -- My DH and I work in diff time zones. So i had to spend most of the time with ILs. Earlier, I talked to them the same way I talk to my parents. Later realized that, they care a damn about me or my conversations with them. So now, I am talking to them for any needs only. Also by not hurting them.

    His vent out - Agree, its not acceptable. But how to make him realize this?
    He cares about my health, our future, our DS (so much) and treats my relatives very well when they visit us.
    But all this, am not able to appreciate when I think of him scolding me angrily by not heeding ears to my side of appeal.

    hmmm...Work more, Talk less - this is what would work at home too, I think.
     
  10. MahiSree

    MahiSree Gold IL'ite

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    Hugs to you dear.
    Yes, I am happy when I and my DS play or When I take him out (just two of his - for shopping or reading a story).
    But this time has shrunk as he likes to play with his friends nowadays. Anyways, I am happy that he's physically active too.
     

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