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How Do U Manage In Such Situations.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sindmani, Jun 22, 2017.

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Jun 24, 2017 #31

sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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BhumiBabe said: ↑

Well, on a light-hearted note, you could share your own "gossip" - like talking about stories/drama from the tv shows or books that you follow to your MIL, so you would have juicy details to talk about. If you don't like what she has to say, you can lead the conversation to things you like to talk about. Maybe if you talk enough, she would just give up trying to share her weird gossip and views.

Or maybe not...most MIL's are not so good about taking hints.
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I have tried with dramas talking about it.but she doesn't watch much. But she is good in history. We talk on that.I like to talk about few stories she read in the near past.but I should be beware. As Once she asked my mom "why u r fair (my mom)but ur daughter is not fair(me)," but their topic was about fairness cream(I was near them). Of course I am working towards creating good things to talk with my mil as well as some relatives who talk unnecessarily. I have good friends too. We share many good stories too.

sindmani, Jun 24, 2017

sindmani, Jun 24, 2017

#31

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Jul 6, 2017 #32

nb25 Gold IL'ite

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Gently tell her the Astrologer/Priest told you that talking about bad things is inauspicious and invites them into our life, if she believes in it. So, we should talk only about good things. Keep repeating until the message gets across.

Also, if the gossip is about people you don't know, keep interrupting and asking - And who is that person? How do you know them? etc. like you can't follow what she is saying. Act a little disinterested, and change the topic.

Limit your conversation with her to the general - how are you?, what are you doing?, the weather etc.

Last edited: Jul 6, 2017

nb25, Jul 6, 2017

nb25, Jul 6, 2017

#32

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Jul 6, 2017 #33

sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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nb25 said: ↑

Also, if the gossip is about people you don't know, keep interrupting and asking - And who is that person? How do you know them? etc. like you can't follow what she is saying. Act a little disinterested, and change the topic.
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Yes, I do that .Thanks. Since I am not much of good health, I am not able to talk continuously. So stopped much talks with mmall in phone. I am relieved. I think the daily soaps are making some people talk like this. They don't know that in long run it will affect their mind. But my mil does not watch dramas now. So no idea how she gets such thoughts but I used to think why people can't keep their life simple . I have seen one or two outside my family who don't talk in a healthy manner. But u have a choice not to talk much etc. But yes unhealthy gossip is highly wrong . But again the world is different and I don't want to keep thinking about this

sindmani, Jul 6, 2017

sindmani, Jul 6, 2017

#33

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Jul 6, 2017 #34

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Let's blame Ekta kapoor for all the negative talk that MIL's indulge in
.
I hope your health is ok, take care !

sindmani said: ↑

Yes, I do that .Thanks. Since I am not much of good health, I am not able to talk continuously. So stopped much talks with mmall in phone. I am relieved. I think the daily soaps are making some people talk like this. They don't know that in long run it will affect their mind. But my mil does not watch dramas now. So no idea how she gets such thoughts but I used to think why people can't keep their life simple . I have seen one or two outside my family who don't talk in a healthy manner. But u have a choice not to talk much etc. But yes unhealthy gossip is highly wrong . But again the world is different and I don't want to keep thinking about this
Click to expand...

Sandycandy, Jul 6, 2017

Sandycandy, Jul 6, 2017

#34

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Aug 23, 2017 #35

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sindmani said: ↑

How will u manage when a person gossips unnecessarily to u about others and gets relieved and little pleasure about others sufferings. I know may be u would not have had such people around u. But it is taking a toll on my head when my mother in law rather than talking good things to me always in phone , she says about some really unwanted things examples
1)a ran away with b. I changed the topic but she but kept on talking. I felt miserable.
2) her sis in law's, dil who got her first child but born with out life(premature but could not be saved in 6 months). She said she is relieved now as it serves right for her sil whom she hates. I sympathized that akka and a bit shocked to which she was even sarcastic. It again affects my health. I get vomiting when I hear such things and her reaction. Sometimes my stomach gets a burn when I hear such comments.

3)When something like women sexual harassment news comes she keeps lecturing that young women are not well dressed, so harassment is present. I was bold that day and asked her to kindly stop this such talk ,victims are really in a sad state. It is not about dresses but perverted mindset of men .
Child abuse and women abuse is a big problem. So kindly stop the talk. As I am not healthy to talk more.
4) my family friend bro(k)
was about to get married to a doctor. She says since k (chartered accountant)is not a doctor , k may end up in a divorce. Doctors marrying doctors is good. Why ur aunt is doing this marriage and not seeing some other girl.

I think I will go in to depression if hear more . Now I talk only when my husband is near. She won't talk such non sense. Can I guide me how to handle with out getting emotional and I get heart beats higher and breathing problems too after such incidents.
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Just yawn three or four times loudly.....and look glassy eyed if you are in person

bluerainbow, Aug 23, 2017

bluerainbow, Aug 23, 2017

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Aug 23, 2017 #36

sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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I am out of the situation due to my busy schedule and health factors.thanks

sindmani, Aug 23, 2017

sindmani, Aug 23, 2017

#36

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Aug 23, 2017 #37

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Congratulations Girl !! This is good news.Firstly,i want to say that please enjoy this time.Eat what you like,sleep a lot please - you wont get that much chance later,join some child birthing classes and enjoy this time as much as you can.I seriously miss being pregnant.
I hope the situation with MIL has improved a bit.

Coming to the problem, I went through all the comments and i really liked what @nb25 has suggested.Give a religious angle to the problem.many women become more religious during pregnancy.Tell your MIL that you went to the local mandir and met the pandit.He has advised you to speak no evil,hear no evil etc., to chant mantras (you can just say this,not necessarily do),etc .Your MIL must be definitely into following rituals etc.Also say that the ob/gyn here take mental stress very seriously. She should get a hint.

I also want to say that please don't think things will get easier once the baby is here as you will be busy and not have time for phone.Things get more complicated when the baby comes.Its phone now,it will be video calling when the baby is here.You have to be tactful all the time.Now and then.Its better that you start laying some rules now itself.The problem with being on the phone is also the time difference between the 2 countries.No doubt parents and ILs miss us,but they need to understand that when they get free in the evening,our day is just beginning here.We have to take care of our household too.I have had my share of issues in this regard.

Deborah, Aug 23, 2017

Deborah, Aug 23, 2017

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Aug 23, 2017 #38

sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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Deborah said: ↑

Congratulations Girl !! This is good news.Firstly,i want to say that please enjoy this time.Eat what you like,sleep a lot please - you wont get that much chance later,join some child birthing classes and enjoy this time as much as you can.I seriously miss being pregnant.
I hope the situation with MIL has improved a bit.

Coming to the problem, I went through all the comments and i really liked what @nb25 has suggested.Give a religious angle to the problem.many women become more religious during pregnancy.Tell your MIL that you went to the local mandir and met the pandit.He has advised you to speak no evil,hear no evil etc., to chant mantras (you can just say this,not necessarily do),etc .Your MIL must be definitely into following rituals etc.Also say that the ob/gyn here take mental stress very seriously. She should get a hint.

I also want to say that please don't think things will get easier once the baby is here as you will be busy and not have time for phone.Things get more complicated when the baby comes.Its phone now,it will be video calling when the baby is here.You have to be tactful all the time.Now and then.Its better that you start laying some rules now itself.The problem with being on the phone is also the time difference between the 2 countries.No doubt parents and ILs miss us,but they need to understand that when they get free in the evening,our day is just beginning here.We have to take care of our household too.I have had my share of issues in this regard.
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Yes the situation has improved to talking the needful(touchwood). Now a days I don't watch news too(usually too I am not a fan of news)n I read only economic related before too .I feel let me not put unwanted thing inside my brain. I know things after child can be hectic too but I NEED TO FACE IT. I TGINK ITS TIME FOR ME TO IMPROVE SOME SKILLS.

sindmani, Aug 23, 2017

sindmani, Aug 23, 2017

#38

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Aug 23, 2017 #39

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@sindmani - I am also working on my skills I guess,we all are.

I remember I used to get high BP after a call from ILs.I used to have sleepless nights.LOL
These days also they have issues and expectations but I don't get bothered much when they complain.Letting them affect me would be giving them too much importance and i have better things to do.I have learnt the best way is to agree with everything they say( haan me haan milana) and then doing what i like anyways.

all the best for rest of your pregnancy.Take care.

Deborah, Aug 23, 2017

Deborah, Aug 23, 2017

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Aug 23, 2017 #40

sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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Deborah said: ↑

@sindmani - I am also working on my skills I guess,we all are.

I remember I used to get high BP after a call from ILs.I used to have sleepless nights.LOL
These days also they have issues and expectations but I don't get bothered much when they complain.Letting them affect me would be giving them too much importance and i have better things to do.I have learnt the best way is to agree with everything they say( haan me haan milana) and then doing what i like anyways.

all the best for rest of your pregnancy.Take care.
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Learning the beautiful trait of being assertive is the only solution to many problems in life. But unfortunately , we are thought to be submissive,to accept the craps from childhood ,later husband asks women to BE SUBMISSIVE(WITH HIS FAMILY). Overly protecting the child or being overly strict with the child, will make it vulnerable to such situations. I have had enough of problems due to putting up with many craps (from in-laws mainly ),but seriously I was the one who suffered PUUTING EVERYTHING IN HEART.IF I COULD COME OUT OF THAT , THEN THIS IS NOTHING. NOW A DAYS MY MANTHRA IS " WHAT EVER HAPPENS LIFE HAS TO GO ON"

sindmani, Aug 23, 2017

sindmani, Aug 23, 2017

#40

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