Abusive Family And Yes, I Cheated

I am glad you were able to confess this in a safe place. It tough not being able to have any one to talk to, when you are going through such difficult home life - ontop of that, you carry a "sin" on your conscience.

From what you have described about your husband, he is a drunk and is very abusive. No matter what "good" father qualities he has, this is not a safe place for you and more importantly, he is not a good role model for your children. As @joylokhi said, you have your choices and you need to chose the best one for your happiness and well-being. You feel very depressed that you are not able to do anything about your situation, and I can tell that it's affecting your ability to be a good mother. Then what's the point in staying in the marriage? I know you feel like you a failing your family and not capable, but when you are depressed and feeling stuck, it's difficult to crawl out of that hole. Please find the strength to go to counseling for your depression (medication if necessary, since you have gone far as suicide attempts) and then find the strength to make the difficult decision of moving on with your life. You are not doing your children a favor by staying.

Yes, you cheated and found solace outside of your marriage. Typically, it's terrible to even consider that type of relationship...but your marriage was already broken. two wrongs don't make a right, but it should be a sign that what you have in your marriage is not working for you. I know you feel guilty for your actions, but I cannot blame you for what you did and neither should you. Understandably, you crave affection, and accidently found it.

 

How exactly do you say this? Have they never seen you and your husband fight? or your husband drunk? If you are avoiding your husband, when do you spend quality time as a family?

 

Verbal abuse is also wrong.
Kids will understand.
Get out before its too late

 

I live in the US...so the rules are a little different. But here, if your child witnesses spousal abuse, they are going through child abuse. Basically, your daughter will live her life with the memory of your husband trying to kill you. I know you are justifying this marriage because of your children's FUTURE and how society will perceive them. I don't want to scare you and make you feel more guilty, but children who see abuse in their family, have depression and other symptoms. They grow up thinking it's normal, and sometimes end up in abusive relationships themselves. Do what you must, but please do not say that you are staying for the happiness of your children.

And on the quality family time...again, I'll be honest, that's not quality family time.

 

You are not doing any good to your children, in fact you are giving them an unhealthy environment now where you are reaching them it is ok to take abuse , affair outside marriage , suicide.

It will be be far more better for your girls if you get out and provide abuse free environment.
You can have joint custody so father is active in thier lives and you can pursue your happiness.

Things like abuse, affairs , suicide will come out in open in front of children some time or other and will damage them.

 

OP, You are in an abusive marriage. You cheated your husband for whatever reasons. That clearly indicates that marriage is over. I think it is better to divorce and move on. Divorce doesn't mean that you are denying your kids their father. He will be always in their life. Read IL Forum for inputs. I feel that you are spoiling your kids by creating a bad example for them. They observe you guys more than you think. The unhappy environment affect them psychologically more than we imagine . It also affects their confidence. You are now teaching them it is OK to stay in abusive marriage and have affair outside marriage.
If divorce is not an option live separately. Never ever think about suicide. Please don't punish you kids for no reason of theirs. They want both mother and father. No one can replace, one's own parents.

One can hide these kind of things for a short time, but it will come out eventually in one way or another. Be careful with guys who take benefit from you by misusing your unhappy situation. They are really bad people. See you got temporary happiness/relaxation, but ended up in total unhappy situation and regrets. Go for solutions that make you happy and peaceful for a long time.

I know a family in India, husband drunkard, both husband and wife employed. Lot of issues in their life. They have only one son (16y). He is very bright, good in academics, a good boy. But he is now under severe depression and under counselling. I feel that it may be due to family issues. So I think kids staying in happy and peaceful environment is better than in a abusive/ unhappy environment. Think about it. Try counselling for yourself at least.

Good luck

 

How can he be a good father when he is such a bad husband ? and for gods sake I dont know why many girls think suffering abuse from husband is 'tradition'.No where such stupidity is mentioned .Girl please understand ur husband is bad husband,bad father and also bad human being.
There is nothing wrong in what you did but understand your are in a very dangerous situation. atleast for your kids separate from your husband and dont allow yourself to be treated sooo badly.This situation can lead you to even worse situation.Go to some temples if that gives you solace then pray to devi for strength and please dont allow your husband to treat you like this .you are showing very bad example to your girls .break away from him you r not his slave .Atleast your educated and working still whyy this?? please work hard come out of your comfort zone.

There r many post in this forum about courageous women who stood for their self respect .Look at Arushi mam's post.please dear come out
And for the 'So Called' sin you have committed it is nothing .But the real sin that your committing is raising your girls by showing a very bad example infront of them .In future there will be far reaching consequences for these girls to form good relation and they can even attract abusive men in their lives .Please ,stop this now.this is the worst sin your committing.
Suicide is even more ridiculous how can u trust your girls with this father,stop saying he is good father ********! he is not he will never be only thing he will do is drag you also down.
Sorry for being harsh because these r truths each time spent thinking he will be alrite is wasting that many seconds

 

Life is a big project. If you can handle office projects well and earn well, then why dont you plan your life project to be successful????

 

Dear...
Please come out of this guilt. You have 2 wonderful kids. So...please never ever contemplate suicide again. You have to be strong and live for your kids. You're an independent working woman....if this physical and emotional torture continues...you may choose to move out of your abusive marriage.
Please leave your past behind and keep it secretive. Get over this self loathing and self depreciation.
May God bless you...