Bad Relationship With My H

I am very much stressed right now and feel like I should divorce my H. We are never on same page on anything along with parenting my girl. I am left out.

We live together without much feelings for each other. We do not worry for each others pain or feelings. We never care if one ate food or went to doctor . Our focus has gone to our daughter.
And my kid 2.5 yrs old just hates me. Sheloves her father ... She sleeps with father if he is at home and tells me to go away. I do not bother much when she tells me to go.
Last night, My H was trying to sleep her, then after some time, came out of room to eat food. In living room, I watching TV and he eating food and watching tab. She calling him from bedroom, straight "mumma you go away." just like that...no reason. She thinking I am taking away dad. I know girls hate their moms.

Now this morning, rush hour, I am busy cooking for her. All burners on, water boiling at one for eggs. He is on call in another room. I turned to pick eggs and saw she holding them and playing. I tried sweet talk to give her eggs back to me, begging she will break them on carpet and clothes. But as stubborn she is...She curled up on them and broke I am mad now. He clothes dirty so
She came running to me. I am still angry. Telling its food, you do not play with food. Suddenly H (still on call) comes out, she ran to him. H asks he to say sorry to mummy. She said sorry, but you know, anger does not go away in a sec or at 1 sorry. Within few more secs, I would have calmed anyways, If stupid H did not intervene.

I want to teach her for future. Just like I teach her everything, education, colors, shapes and not my H, I want to teach her manners, etiquettes. She says sorry very easily for everything. So I repeated, "I had told you earlier..right? Its food..."

Now H is also screaming to me.....in front of her. "She already said sorry once right? She is crying, that means she is feeling. I am cleaning up, why are you shouting like dog..". Him taking sides frustated me.

Then again still on call, he went back to his room to listen. She followed him crying "Dad change my shirt " (wth eggs on it).
H ( also on phone) telling me," take her away, change her shirt I am on call".

I am still angry, "why don't you do it, you are best parent". (eventually I was going to take her away)... But he is super mad now and kicked her out of room. Again she back to me.

Now I feel bad and I soothed her, changed her and cuddled her. With in minute, H (finished his call) came back to our room, picked her, apologized to her for his treatment towards her. She immediately went to him kicking me away.. which is okay.
He is telling me now ..:."why did you do this... that? She was already sorry. she is such a nice girl. she has apologised us for screaming at her..".
Come on.. she is 2.5 yrs old.
Him - "She is sorry...why u do scare her?" ( again starting topic in front of her)
Me: "Why did you take sides? You show her you are better parent"
Him: "I just wanted things to be quiet I was on call. Next time you are on phone call or interview, I will intervene and show my parenting." "
Me: ... mad, mumbling, went out of room.
Me: "She will become teenager and move out. Then you have to live with me"

If you were on call, why did you come out in the first place? I was handling the situation.
Breaking eggs is small thing. Thing is to teach her discipline. Whatever I object to, she has to do exactly opposite. and
Right now they treat like they do not need me. and my H's focus in life is already to compete with me, to show he is better than me.
I love my kid unconditionally. I become bad guy in the house but do not care. But situation like this triggers my pain and I want to leave them both.
My H is actually not very wise guy. I do not want to say that but thats true. He is idiot and living with him for so many years, I know him and I can not stop him from making any wrong decisions or manipulate him. He never listens to me.

After kid, we have been just going away and away. Never on common grounds on anything. Infact to the point, that whatever I say or pick (not matter what), he has to do or pick or say exactly opposite point. Its like we are just living together for our kid.
From couple yrs, we completely stopped buying or gifting each other and Infact we feel pressurized at anniversary or birthdays. Its not expensive gifts, but small cards on mothers day makes you feel special. I specifically requested for mothers day but on mothers day, he said, lets go to mall to buy mothers day t shirt for you. then he said, its so expensive, lets not. He is not miser guy, but is not being in love with each other anymore.
Yesterday I was thinking father s day thing for him but now I hate it.

We have arguments on every big or small thing.
I cook rotis for him "I am on diet, you cook so much food"
I put chillies "no chillies plz, burns me"
plain food "I do not get good food"
I do not cook heavy meals or keep salad or light "no one cooks in this house"

We have not touched each other for like 4 yrs and no desire to. His existence irritates me.

I go to buy shoes I need, he says , "I haven't bought shoes in 4 yrs."
I say I want to go to gym, he says "I can not go to gym Because of you all and kid and family chores, I am stuck and can not go to gym".
I buy clothes," I have not bought in yrs"
I never stop or ask him to do anything anymore. Again we do not even talk or speak much. If I tell him something, he does not listen. Our day to day life at home together if kid sleeping, he is on his TV and earphones all the time, and I am on TV/computer or kitchen or cleaning.
I cry so much and miss being at my home with my parents. Living in US is so difficult with no extended family to go to. I can cry to my parents.

 

As I said, we are never on same page for anything so I can never talk any sense to him on which he dis-agrees. This is something for which we argued. If I start discussion to be on common grounf, instead of listening he is going to go all over and again environment will be tense. Seems he is getting his man's menopause already.
I have been working before and moved a lot. So I technically do not have friends to share such details. I am too much now to be able to make friends. At present I am not working but will try back into market after couple months when starts preschool.

Taking him to counselling is impossible.
I take my daughter out all the time as I stay at home with her all the time. Infact now-a-days I cut down because she does not behave outside and creates another stress. But its mostly me taking her out. Sometimes when its H, that too its me forcing him to take her out otherwise he likes sit on sofa more.
She gets to watch cartoons with him in car and at home so she is happy with him He chooses easiest way. He does not force her/ ask her to go to bathroom after certain time or eat snack or drink water or have fruits now. And I am like a health police always watching.

@YoGirl said above, We are not making her a toy. I think this problem is this we do not like each other much and do not respect each other. Our love for her is increasing our hatred/disrespect towards each other.
Couple days back, we were on bed, trying to sleep and had discussion start. My H never listens to me and then 95% he makes wrong decisions. So he started discussion, that this happened. I said, I had told you earlier so many times but you never listened. And he started like a stray dog, our kid lying in between seeing all this. I am quiet, sad and went outside crying. She is okay because she is with her father.

Days he WFH, she wants her dad and keeps knocking his door. He hates me because she keeps disturbing her and won't let him work and I have to work in kitchen and keep her away from dad's home office and she hates me for that so its always tension in the house for whole day. I tell him not to work from home but he won't listen. And she knows after little drama with dad, she will get TV.

 

Her being dad's chamcha does not hurt me at all. Infact I would love if she is 24 X 7 with him. Her telling me to 'go away' also does not bother me and she disrespects me hits me when he is around. I try to wake her up from nap or morning, she hits me but if its her dad, she wo'nt but that okay.
Problem is my H. Him yelling at me when it was her mistake in front of her so she could be on his side. My dad probably never did that when I was little. Mom would beat me up and if I even complain to dad, max he will be quiet and listen but not turn me against mother or tell mother to not to do this.
All this is affecting our relationship to the fact that I do not want another kid with this man. And right now I just hate him.

 

I remember, long back, when I was pregnant, when we went to friends house and found out older kid in family being much closer to father and second newborn was taken care of mother. I think thats normal when you have 2 kids and 1 newborn as older also wants attention.
My H said,' see, how older kid, behaves'. I will never do this to you and leave you (not like leave you leave, more like ignore) for kid.
This is exactly what he is doing.