Mil Vs Dil

Getting along with your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can certainly be a complex issue. Even if you’ve accepted the fact that you won’t ever be best friends, you will still be in each other’s lives for quite some time. And that means you need to know when to speak up, when to stay silent, and how to maneuver within a disagreement so that you keep the relationship intact. It’s not easy, to say the least. Although learning these skills is important for navigating all your relationships, it’s extremely important when it comes to the MIL Vs DIL relationship.

This relationship,like no other, really needs to find that delicate balance because it’s extremely fragile. One wrong look, one inconsiderate behavior, or one off-putting remark from your MIL or DIL can change how you feel about each other forever.

My relationship with my MIL has been very bad since the beginning. It is mainly because of our inter-religious marriage. She did not like me as a complete package, there was nothing that she could relate with me positively.
With all these hiccups, we indeed hated each other almost all the times.

Each time when she brings food to her son, I considered it as an interference. It really disturbed our marriage.

This practice has started since the initial days. Those were the times cooking seemed rocket science to me. I hated cooking because it was too difficult to cook as per my H's taste. More so, my first pregnancy and associated hormonal imbalance forced me not to enter the kitchen.
Even then, I would put a lot of effort to make delicious dishes to my H. I believed, the way to my man's heart is through his stomach.
But my MIL was the biggest hindrance then. She would bring her food and feed her son before I bring mine to the table.
I hated that. Always felt miserable when my hard work goes waste like this.

After a lot of confrontation in the past, I taught her the need to respect the boundaries. Although our relationship suffered with that, we found immense peace with time.
This helped us to re-build this relationship though at a very slow phase. My children - being her first grand children- were the bridge between us.

Fast forward to now, my H has been diagnosed with per-diabetes; hence he requires strict food control.
As a working mom with two young kids, cooking for the family is a huge burden itself. I do not have a maid right now, and it is not easy to get one here.
Now that, I am expected to cook 3 fresh meals, that too with different sets of menu for different people
(High nutritious, but non spicy meals for kids and sugar free diet for H, and normal food for both myself and mom).
Needless to say that I am exhausted, yet I try my best to feed my family.

To add fuel to the fire, MIL has started her "catering service" once again at my door step. She brings hot and fresh (of course tasty) sugar free meals almost daily at random times and expects her son to eat them.
I felt miserable immediately. In fact I burn inside in anger, because I felt extremely bad to see my hard-work (cooked meal for H) is disrespected.like this.

I even felt bad emotionally as if someone snatched my right to serve my H when he is sick.

Knowing my emotions, my H has started to eat both of our meals, which made him exceptionally full and uneasy afterwards. He did inform MIL not to bring food, as we have them ready here. But she would bring them anyways, saying this is good for diabetes, blah..blah...

At one point, I even asked my H to eat what his mom cooks, so that I could step down from cooking an extra menu in spite of my busy days. But he knew it can get backfired; So, he rejected this idea and insisted me to cook as before.

Honestly, I felt like confronting MIL for intruding into our lives. I no longer have patience and I can no longer go through that hell life due to this.

But then, I heard her conversation with our neighbor this morning (You know, my MIL is our neighbor too)
It was a general discussion about women.
During this conversation, MIL felt pity for me and praised highly about my hard work and commitment for the family.

Also she echoed my mom's worry about my health and sanity with all these added house works.
To my surprise, MIL said that she shares sugar free food (ideally cooked for FIL) with her son, so that her DIL's burden will be less in the mornings. She considered that as a small help to her exhausted DIL.

It is true... I can rest assure about the food quality, and I know my H loves his mom's food a lot. At the same time, this can save my time in the busy mornings.
I no longer depend on these delicious food to reach my man's heart. I am confident that I have already reached there, and stay there safely. I can find other ways to connect with him.

So, why should I confront my MIL and make the entire relationship a mess now?

Many marriages suffer due to this MIL Vs DIL relationship.

Most of the times, the very fragile nature of this relationship is the prime reason for any misunderstanding.
We often get defensive and consider our MIL/DIL as our opponent.
This negative preconceived notion, coupled with lack of open communication creates misunderstandings.
It has taken us around 8 long years to arrive here.