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Eye Opener

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Viswamitra, May 29, 2017.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    I was driving to an Indian store to buy groceries. That time is specifically reserved for my wife, mother-in-law and I to discuss the family matters and Orion gets a free time to stay back home and enjoy rock music or watch a cartoon on his own. We never leave home without at least one light on or without any sound as he gets really scared if he is all alone without any sound or light. He is also not much of a traveler and doesn’t like a ride in any vehicle as he always thinks getting into a vehicle means meeting a Veterinarian. Hopefully, someday he would overcome that thought process and begin to enjoy his rides.

    While I was about to take an exit off the highway to reach the Indian grocery store, suddenly I noticed a cab driver pulling right in front of our vehicle into the exit lane very close to my vehicle. I had no chance but to apply brake quickly without slowing down gradually. My wife and I noticed the sticker on the back of the cab “How is my driving? Please dial 1-855-Helpone”. While I was thinking what was the point in having such a bumper sticker, if the driver of the cab was going to drive rash, suddenly I noticed that he pulled his vehicle in front of our vehicle only to avoid hitting another vehicle in front which moved to the slow speed lane without realizing that there was cab in that lane. When I carefully looked at that vehicle, there was an infant and a five-year-old sitting in the back of the car. Had I not noticed that situation, I would have surely thought of reporting the driver. Within a few minutes, my thought about the cab driver moved from rash driving to clever driving.

    After reaching back home, I thought about the incident and compared it with day-to-day happenings. How many times we misunderstand friends and family without understanding the circumstances under which they need to say or do something? Did I consider all aspects of their circumstances before evaluating their words or actions? Even if it was not possible to analyze their circumstances, at least, did I try to give the benefit of doubt to them? I started analyzing the bumper sticker, “How is my driving?” Did I honestly try to get feedback from people about my thoughts, words, actions, love, compassion, desires, attachments and ego? How did I react when my friends and family were trying to tell me something I didn’t know about myself? Did I consider that as aggressive behavior of friends and family as opposed to a serious attempt by a good relative or friend to tell me the truth? When friends and family try to diplomatically bring up something I did wrong, did I try to understand the underlying message behind their words? What is stopping me from understanding the messages from friends and family?

    Even if I have a habit of introspecting on a regular basis and I was not able to identify my defects and associated sufferings, did I cry for help from others? Did I at least cry to my consciousness seeking help? I employed my mind for the improvement of my character when I was young and slowly it became a master and I became a slave. There are hundreds of circumstances and opportunities unfold for me to learn some wonderful lessons in my life but somehow, I ignore them as incidents and threats to my existence. Is it truly a challenge for my existence or the power of my mind? How much empowerment I give to my mind to work for me for my own character development? How do I monitor or measure how my mind helps me improve my character?

    I need to build checks and balances to monitor my mind. First major check is how much control I possess over my own mind? Second, does my mind consult my consciousness for anything or functions all its decision purely tainted by the negative emotions derived from my ego? Third, does it get overly influenced by the thoughts of someone else? Fourth, does it function sitting inside its shell total withdrawn from life or does it operate inclusive of good thoughts derived from our own experiences? Fifth, does it operate soaked in love for life whether it is our own or others around us?

    When my mind becomes self-critical, I let it travel on its own so that it could complete the analysis and present suggestions for the mid-course correction. Hopefully, this journey will help me get better.
     
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  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    My pet peeve according to my kids @Viswamitra. ( and they crib.."Amma you always do this to us, not at all fair"). I always ask them to look at what could be the reasons for such behaviour, be it resentment or avoidance. Taking a few seconds to look at things on a neutral perspective changes a lot of resulting reactions and actions.

    Food for thought post.. we definitely need to retrospect..
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Viswa, I am not certain whether we can ever find out how we are doing in the growth department. I say that because it is not possible to ask anyone for an honest feedback. I don't know if anyone would do that. If I try analysing myself and my actions there are two possibilities: I'd try to justify all my actions - good or bad or I'd be excessively harsh on myself. Ultimately I feel I am what I am. I do the best I can or the best I know how to. All I can hope and pray is that I should be on the right track and not knowingly do any wrong.
     
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  4. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Shanvy,

    It's so nice to know how you develop a habit to make your kids look inward. I couldn't agree more with what you said. Time and discrimination are two powerful tools we can use to introspect. What looks wrong now may become right after sometime or after a detailed review.

    Viswa
     
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Satchi,

    You stepped into my shoes and told me exactly how I feel. It is a struggle. Either I justify or become too critical. Emotions aside, I might bump into analysing how I am doing. Professionally, I had three mentors and personally, I had three but two of them are no more to consult how I was doing. All of them gave me wonderful and honest feedback. One of them was my dad. My dad made me think a lot with a very few words.
     
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  6. girvani

    girvani Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Viswa uncle
    Introspection is what I am struggling and I became my worst enemy. Two weeks ago after a long phone conversation I had ruminating thoughts for two days and I was honestly scared that whether I need a counselling or not. I was very down. Certain times, why we want to avoid someone and so scared of them. I knew it is due to the foot prints made in my heart historically. I really struggled. Then after few days I started along the line that only a certain things can be controlled by ourselves , at least we think we can. And. No point of thinking about factors which are beyond our control. Thank you for this wonderful article uncle.
    Warm regards
    Vani
     
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  7. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    All feedbacks on "how am I doing ?" would depend much on the person giving the feedback, as much as what is being commented upon. Sort of like an anonymous internet forum ;-)
     
  8. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Vani,

    So am I. Let us keep trying and eventually, we will learn the technique. Other than something that would add value, everything else is something we should not chew. It is not what the person said or what you heard that was hurting. It is your mind's reaction to what was said that was driving your suffering. We always have painted a picture about each person and the mind brings back all the legacies automatically. We need to be like a honeybee extracting only the honey i.e. what would add value to us. Instead of trying to control those emotions, let us evaporate them by the heat generated by our purity. How happy you are every second in your life is much more important. Your emotional health is invaluable to you, your husband and your children.

    Viswa
     
  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    @Nonya,,

    When we have to build a house, don't we ask an Architect to design it and contractor to build it? Similarly, if we need to build our character, we need to choose the right mentor to give honest but candid feedback. It has to be someone we respect and well qualified to give feedback.

    Viswa
     
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  10. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    On many occasions our assessment about others go wrong-either for good or bad.People also change or pretend to have changed that their behaviour is deceitful.Since we can decide only by their outward behaviour and talks, there is no way to peep into them.We are not mind readers.It is not the behaviour of others but only our reaction to it disturbs us very often.Very often mothers advise their daughters to be smart rather than to be honest and sincere.
    Why even Satya Sai Baba during his discourse once said,"you need not oblige;but pretend to oblige"specially with ref to one's MIL. His idea was that pretence would become habit and habit would become innate character
    Whenever we assess ourselves we regret for having behaved or thought about a person rightly or wrongly about a person.But the same type of self assessment does not work always.We may not commit the same mistake but would commit a different type blunder.There are so many patterns of behaviour of people with whom we have regular contacts.If they go on changing, definitely our assumptions are likely to fail.There is no tailor made solution for all problems.
    As long as humanity thrives. dilemma also would thrive,
    Jayasala 42
     
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