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Chosing a husband, chosing to stay in a marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by FreeAtLast, Jan 23, 2016.

  1. silentlistener

    silentlistener Silver IL'ite

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    Slightly confusing!

    You mean , you are the same person, whose previous user id was ,'asuitablegirl' ?
     
  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Glad to know that you are happily settled with a loving partner, specially after this tragic past. Your post indeed gives hopes to those who suffer in bad relationships. Thanks for posting.

    I have been following your posts in the past as @asuitablegirl and now as @FreeAtLast.

    I did not know that you were a white girl before. Thought you were Indian, and your posts were very much Indian back then.

    I remember you were very much in love, in fact blindfolded in love by ignoring all the red flags back then. Many posters have hinted about some obvious red flags, but you seemed to be very confident about your love and gave your 100% to it.

    I am sure, you are not only taking the past pain but the lessons you've learnt in that relationship to your future.

    Do not blindly fall for anyone that easily. True love sometimes can be seen only in romantic novels and movies only.
    In real life, there are great people, good lovers, and what not. But always apply a pinch of salt before you jump to any conclusions.

    I know a broken heart yearns for love, and when it is there it doesn't go for quality check. But when you are in a balanced mood, just double check on your present affair before you blindly trust him and put your 100% emotional investment in this relationship.

    It was just a word of caution. I hope your love last forever, and wish only happiness in this relationship.

    Best of luck and congratulations
     
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  3. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    kudos to you on getting out of hell and finding your strength and peace . Best wishes for the new relationship!
     
  4. FreeAtLast

    FreeAtLast Silver IL'ite

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    Hi SGBV,

    Your advice is sound and I suppose I should have given more background info.

    After my separation I started therapy to recover from my abusive ex and learn about healthy boundaries and relationships. I purposely stayed single for a year after my separation to work on myself. Part of that was learning what love really is. At the time yes, I thought I loved my ex husband. Now, as an almost 30 year old adult, I realize it wasn't love. I was actually diagnosed in therapy as having Stockholm syndrome which explains a lot. I met my ex husband when I was 17. I met my current partner at 29. And as much as I'm in love with him now, it wasn't immediate or over night. The big difference between this relationship and my previous marriage is age and maturity. My ex husband didn't trick me. He showed me what a monster he was pretty early on. I was just too hopeful and naive. With my current partner I would not be hopeful if there was even one red flag. Fortunately there are no red flags. In regards to engagement it seems December is the earliest, with a spring wedding. That would be almost a year and a half together, which is quite a reasonable amount of time I think. Although I know some couples date years.

    You're right, a broken heart does yearn for love, which is why I didn't start seriously dating anyone for a year. By the time I met my boyfriend, I was no longer broken hearted or yearning for love. Had I started dating with a broken heart, I would have undoubtedly ended up with another smooth talking weirdo.

    I too hope this relationship lasts forever! Thanks for your well wishes. :)
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Best of luck my dear. You really sound very matured now.
     

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