How To Distance Myself From "weird-vibe" People Without Being Disrespectful

I'm lady in late-30s, I enjoy being friendly with people. Being friendly helps me cheer up.

The below is a really silly question, and I need your guidance in dealing with simple social situations. I hadn't had much exposure to people (except mainly negative ones)

Here is some background information.

Sometimes I am too friendly and it had caused several things
- low productivity at work - I posted another thread about this but now I wear headphones and/or listen to traditional Punjabi folk music (perhaps that keeps my energy up at 4pm!) to focus only on work, i.e. keep track of progress on spreadsheets

- one recently divorced, soon to be married male tried to be too friendly with me (non-permanent government employee, passed hard IT exam, earns about same amount as me, if that matters). To the point he started asking personal questions about my life. Once at holiday party, he asked if I wanted to go somewhere separate to get food. I replied that we should also invite the whole team to come along with us. Now I ignore him when he says "hello" or "good morning". He is a real time-waster and other co-workers acknowledge that he creates lot of noise (nothing much you can do, this is government agency). He also gives too much info on his private life and makes up half his stories. In other words, a bullshitter.

- another older male, near retirement, divorced, job security (permanent gov't employee, cannot get fired, even goes on Match.com at work, but he gets paid half my salary, if that matters) was at first saying good morning, then one or two times touched my upper back, upper arms, and I cringed away. The other day he came to my desk while I was deep at work (my headphones were off). I lifted my finger and said he saw me bite my nails. I replied that I am busy working and he walked away. Since then, he is looking at me from a distance, but barely talks to me, which is good.

- each morning on my way to work I try to say "Good Morning" or "Ram Ram Jai Shri Krishna" (well, to this one Desi newsstand owner) to as many people as possible. However, I get "weird" feeling with one particular person. He sells newspapers at subway station. He says "Good Morning", gives "fist-bumps", "high-fives" to the various commuters he sees daily. One day he also said "Good Morning" to me and I also say "Good Morning". Sometimes he will compliment me if I am wearing pretty skirt. Then he offered "high-five". And just so I don't upset him (he might be dangerous), I return the "high-five". This has happened numerous times. Each time I am about to enter the subway, I am thinking I really don't want to give "high-five", but I don't want to start trouble.


Question: How I respectfully decline giving "high-five", but still say Good Morning. I get not-so-nice feeling about this person, but if I'm rude, person may do something, i.e. commit crime, this is low-income metropolitan area. One time someone was badgering me, I screamed for him to leave me alone and no one came to my aid even though there were parents taking their kids to school, etc (and everyone craps on India!).

Whereas in workplace the males (especially those earning less than me) tend to back down, because subconsciously they are scared I will do something. This is how the world/workplace works, hence I mentioned salary comparison - plz don't take offense.


Again, how do I politely decline "over-friendliness". I love to be friendly and happy, but unfortunately some people are not nice and see it as invitation for something unsavory.

 

Just an update.

I watched an unrelated video presentation, and the presenter said to someone in audience, "You are an Adult, just say No"

In my case, I wish to be more assertive.

Slowly, slowly I am attempting to distance myself from unwanted people.

Few days ago I started to give a thumb-up. When the person came to me, I gave thumb-up and smiled.

Just trying to be tactful because you simply don't know how people react.

As for co-workers, I'm learning to relax and be friendly with them at work (we see each other most of day, might as well!)

But wow, sometimes you learn interesting things from most unexpected places.

And I read lot of posts where people are in similar situation, i.e. pressure to marry, rude neighbors.

We have to remind ourselves we are adults and we can say no.

 

Yes ..... I will have sad memories of India. Hopefully I'll assess people better in USA and smile at them

You are right. So far, it's mostly the Indian ladies at office are around my age who talk to me here and there. I guess they see I am Americanized (i.e. I don't wear skinny pants and knee-length dresses the way they do ---- ironic, isn't it). But they say I am a sweet lady. One lady tells me her family drama every now and again, about having to pick up her parents from airport, how her sister is a b*** for not helping.

But yes you are right, must keep distance.

That's true.


Yes, I stopped high-fiving the newspaper vendor. Still tensed when I pass through that part of subway each morning, but this is my social anxiety (which I am working to get over). Otherwise, the newspaper vendor is very chatty and social with people who pass through (mix of whites, african americans, hispanics, mostly).

And yesterday when I offered a distant thumbs up, he asked if I am fasting from sunup to sundown, and I said "yeah, yeah", as if I'm mentally slow and English is my second language (people get that impression of me, since I wear floor-length skirts, am reserved, etc ------ sometimes looking and acting dumb and naive works in my favor)

 

Gradually I am doing away with giving thumb up. I am rushing for the train in the morning. Honestly I try to avoid the person if possible. I really wish I had more confidence in myself and better assessing situations. What if the person gets violent and I have to call the police? What if the police ignore me? And there is always victim blaming, i.e. I bought the situation on myself.

Honestly I am so embarrassed by this type of problem. It has really held me back and put me in unpleasant situations.

And yes, even thought I am they American one, they are the ones wearing tight-fitting clothing.

 

You know what, I will stop the thumbs up.

If person says hi, then I will say hi.

Honestly if someone felt unconfortable saying good morning to me, I would immediately stop

I used to say "Ram Ram Jai Shri Krishna" to someone in morning, he seemed bothered, and I stopped.

Will keep you posted.