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Cannot Feel Love Towards My Mother. Am I Wrong? If Yes, What Should I Do?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by ShabnamF, May 12, 2017.

  1. ShabnamF

    ShabnamF Gold IL'ite

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    I want to be helped.
     
  2. blessings1010

    blessings1010 Gold IL'ite

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    Hello@hermitcrab. I could not send you a personal message. It gives me an error every time I try to send one.
     
  3. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    Blindpup10 , I can relate to you in some ways , specially with the mom and aunt bit :) They have been not so positive influences in my life . Ironically I always grew up thinking my mom and her sisters were right. when I moved away from home it dawned on me that have a highly dysfunctional family . I have tried and failed to understand or justify my mothers lack of compassion towards me or my siblings. Luckily I am away from home and try not to see her too often. Ofcourse the negativity spills over through FaceTime and phone calls . I was once admitted in the hospital because of a sudden health crisis and when I came home and called her, she had no questions or reaction whatsover. She has never asked me how I am . Does it bother me ? Yes it does ! But i have learnt that it is ok to not "love " your mother. Unfortunately society elevates mothers to the highest level and with Mother's Day etc one does feel guilty if one cannot accord the same respect and love to ones mom. I have decided that staying away and trying to help her and communicate in ways that do not make me unhappy is the best solution.
    Some women lack maternal instincts and should not choose to have kids if they have no love or compassion to offer. It would spare some of us lot of the heartache and pain that we carry for most of our lives.

     
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  4. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    Hi OP
    Its been a long time since I checked in to this site.Came across your post today.
    I have a similar story which I told a long time back on this forum.
    My perpetual ache is my mother and it never goes away.The harsh memories of childhood,mostly attributed to mommy dearest are hard to do away. They bear me down for days.
    I have fought many battles at personal and professional front and have moved on from the damage that naturally comes with any sort of conflict. But the misery from my childhood ,hard to move on from despite efforts.Rather it stands out more now when I am bringing up my children and realize everyday how awfully wrong my mothers behavior was.
    My mother was the only well educated and working DIL in the family.
    She is the one who treated her daughter most poorly.
    So for people who say 'education',no, it's got to do more with personality.
    I wouldn't hijack your thread with my story.
    All I can say is Good luck to you.I bet there are more like us .Prayers for them too.
     
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  5. ShabnamF

    ShabnamF Gold IL'ite

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    Hi @jmsd
    Hugs to you. I was just discussing with a close friend about how both my father and mother let me down. If at least one of my parent had supported me, I would have been in a better place. People who have good parents will never understand what we have gone through and are going through. I am really sorry that you had a harsh childhood and suffer even now bcoz of that. I am both sad and glad that there are people like me. Sad bcoz they are suffereing too and glad bcoz they can understand me.

    When I think about healing, I really cannot see how can I ever be totally healed. But I would like to begin somewhere and I think sub-consciously I have started the process by shutting down towards my mother.

    I wish you and others like us recover and heal soon. Take care.
     
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