Dil

True my husband thinks I need to let go all the time..

 

In my case too, my FIL does not like me, has never liked me. He would be sarcastic to me right from the beginning. At first I was a little shocked as I was the new Dil and was nice to everyone; there was no need of such unnecessary attacks. Then, I realized that was his nature and he and Mil are always telling me things indirectly or targeting taunt like praising their daughter of being highly in laws compliant, or praising someone else's Dil like trying to compare. Now I do not get as disturbed, but I have lost respect for them. But, just like you Sandycandy, my husband thinks I make up things in my head a.ka. read too much in between the lines. In short it's my fault. Sometimes I think my husband is not wired to understand what's going on because every time I tell him about something like this he is dismissing it as 'no, that was not for you'. And I say to myself 'yeah right, they are just extremely nice ppl who like to praise all others but not me.

 

Sunshine, I am in the US too and I agree, hats off to girls living with in laws. But, I have seen some of my friends having great relations with in laws. And that makes me wonder so many times what really went wrong in our case? And after thinking too much, I can only say that like many other relationships, in this one too, there needs to be some level of compatibility/ similar interests and thinking, some commonness in background to get along or even to connect for even a short period of time. In my case, my in laws & me are sharp opposites in our thinking, living, modernness, education, backgrounds. I feel like it's difficult to gel or strike a chord when 2 ppl are so different even though no one party is necessarily bad! Also if 2 ppl are so different, if they don't try to dictate what each shd do, it may still work. Problems arise when one tries to tell what the other shd do.

 

Ys it is 100% true

 

The Dil who does not allow herself to get abused and stands up for herself gets reputed as "bad"

The quiet and soft dil gets dominated and gets reputed as "good"

I come from a joint family and my inlaws are good people but once they got me as their dil,they became very possessive about their son and lots of problems happened.

Basically inlaws with their possesive nature become controlling and demanding ,hence the problems.DIL wants herself first in her husband's place and will listen to her own mom but if a mil says something for her own good,she creates havoc.

It's not always that the dil is always good and mil is always bad and vice versa.It depends and differs in each family.