Sil Is Really Is Costing Our Family Too Much

ashneys · May 22, 2017

OP, it is entirely upto your parents to decide how long they want to entertain as it's their money, their house n well, their hard work.

Let go of the obsession you have over how she looks, it really doesn't matter to anyone apart from your brother. And it doesn't seem to bother your parents either as they are treating her like a queen even with bad looks (as you said).

It looks like you are jealous and angry because she seemed to have taken your place and is getting the life that you wanted from your parents. Your jealousy n anger is very normal, any daughter would feel that because they feel possessive about their family.

Your sil is not to be blamed in this situation, it's your family's doing. If someone is pampering you, will you voluntarily say "stop pampering me"? Why should she not enjoy it when she is getting it? She will continue to enjoy it till your parents stop.

You can talk n try to clarify with your parents about why she is being treated well when you were never treated well. Only your parents can answer this. Try to communicate with them and work out a mid level deal about what they can do to treat you a lil better now. Past is past, can't do anything about it. So focus on what can be done in the future.

Financially, yes it is smart to safeguard your property as they may spend it on their bahu. So continue that.

You know the saying, "if you can't beat them, join them". Maybe put in an effort to become friends with your sil and you too enjoy the perks from your folks. I know it's easier said than done, but still, just giving you an option.

N anyways if you want to have any relationship with your brother in the future, you may need to be cordial with your sil. As a wife, she does have the power to make him hate you all.

If in case, you are suma as well, you had mentioned that your mom doesn't have a good relationship with you, so she maybe more interested to please her dil to keep her son n grandkid with her... You need to stop focusing on others lives. I would recommend you to look for a good proposal and focus on getting married to a guy you like so you can focus on building your own beautiful life rather than an unnecessary landlord or sil drama. How long do you want to struggle like this as you clearly need your fathers or landlords assistance over any issues and a good match can be there for you. You really need to focus on your life and be positive. Good luck!

maddysweet · May 22, 2017

Dear OP,
I understand your feelings and concern.
First reading the beginning paragraphs i thought if your mom and dad are fine doing service to DIL and son, why you worrying abt them.
But in later paragraphs you wrote, she creates huge drama so your parents are scared of society.
They are your parents and brother. seeing them going a disaster route you not able to keep quite.

The main reason for your SIL to behave such way is your brother. He is letting her order things to your parents, so she feels great of herself and also doing what ever she want. She is taking break from more than an year, it should be your brother concerned abt the money and asked her to join the job. May be he did and she didnt listen , and he scared that she will fight.

At this point you have to act smart and not think abt how beautiful she is or compare your parents love on you etc.
I dont think you are jealous on her but shocked the way your parents have changed.

Coming to the main point on how you can try from your end to resolve this. This wont happen in a day, but you can try to put some knowledge in her brain atleast in money matters.

1. Your Money - Immediately move them to your name and tell your parents in nice way that you are concerned the way your SIL spends money extravagant way and also have no trust that parents or brother is going to control her lavishing money expenses, so you decided to save your money.
2. Instead to keep quite and feel frustrated. you can talk many things with your SIL indirect way every time you meet her. Dont get into argue or fights -
Say
- when you and your mom meet, keep talking abt cooking stuff and how your husband inlaws love your cooking. Ask her joking, do you know anything, sad you donno cooking even now, dont you feel sad you cant cook tasty food for your family.
- How lucky you are to get my brother, who allows you to spend all this money for shopping, I have not seen anyone like my brother who gives so much money to wife to spend.
- Also if she buys something not that worth, say openly i guess you have wasted your money by spending on such silly things.
- Praise abt some ladies in your office or yourself. that i took only 6 months break and was strong enough to get back to work. so sad its been a 1 1/2 yr still you not able to go back to work.
- You can also tell her , Dont take me wrong, but dont waste money for unnecessary things. Instead save for your kid future.

finally, ask your parents if they agree that SIL is making them do too much work. If so suggest them to come your house or relatives house so SIL and brother learn to do things on their own.

gitika said: ↑

Hello all,

This post is in connection with my most haughty, proud, arrogant SIL.

1)My sister-in-law is too too advanced. She is just a fresher, and she never even has any good features like gud looking, but still she acts as though she is QUEEN of the house, she always watches TV, and only shops, she behaves as though she is really very gud looking, and no one is better than her in my family, she Don's the whole house like anything, she openly orders my mom to cook all favourite food items she wants. The only thing she has given to our family is a kid, she never acts maturely, she never even does small household things even if she does, she leaves halfway in the middle which again falls on my mom. My mom used to throw and bang utensils, when I used to not help her when I was child and that too I was studying for exams. I used to help her even during the exams. But now my mom has transformed her ways that she is treating her like a QUEEN and GODDESS, even if any of her dad or brother or sister comes to our house , my mom prepares 3-4 dishes and gives them. My mom always has the habbit of preparing even most luxurious and very complex dishes and giving to ordinary maids working in the house. Other name that can be called of her is "DANA shoora karna". She just thinks she is Miss universe and none should order her work, and she is there only to enjoy all the breakfast,lunch and dinner my mom prepares. I really get shocked that whatever she requires even she orders my father also SO boldly, in fact me and my mom think 10 times to order my dad to get something. She always speaks a lot, and asks all her friends, relatives, college mates, her mom dad to often come to our house and my mom has become a slave to her, like the moment someone comes to our house even if it's some beggar, she donates the most freshly prepared items so so generously, by this you can imagine what pain and trouble she takes to expend towards this girl's relatives,friends etc, and she always talks on the phone inviting her friends, father,mother to come u to our home, also they come and stay for entire day, which again increases the burden for my mom, my father's meagre pension also is extravagantly expended that at times he ends up with crunch of money buying all household stuff, materialistic stuffs she orders and gets all her friends,relatives to visit to our house due to which my mom takes extra pleasure in coming multiple dishes and serving them .

2) Even my brother is like he wants his wife to enjoy more by troubling my mom and dad more. I have seen many girls in my office who just take 5-6 months for maternity, but this girl has extended her LEAVES to more than 1.5 years, so that she can happily stay and enjoy in my mom and dad's house. She even orders my mom to prepare all the favourite items, whereas when I was child even tell leftovers used to be served less for me and all the things used to be given only to my brother. And to add salt to injury my mom used to always bang utensils, create hell lot of tantrums that my home appeared to me like hell hearing her scoldings, spreading rumours and complaints to my dad, my dad getting furious and scolding me heavily, & also she used to taunt me during eating as well, that I am fit for nothing, but it's so shocking that she has become a slave my SIL now that she presses her to eat even after she eats enough, 1st of all my SIL is so shameless that she orders all favourite items to be prepared by my mom and eats so heavily ,but my mom forces her even in top of that, also my mom even goes to length of giving all her ornaments, sarees, even my newest salwars which are very expensive & grand that I would still wear she donates to me SIL without even asking me, it's as though she is looked after like a bed if roses spread on velvet carpet, with no single thorn in her life, that is reason my SIL is staying in my mom's home even though post 1year of maternity leaves.

3)She always prefers the most expensive dresses,even orders my brother or dad to get most expensive gifts , dresses, cosmetics, apparels for her friends,relatives, family like mom dad ,sister ,brother etc. It seems like as though she has come to our house to make our entire family's financial assts to go drained and bankrupted. Due to this girl only I am planning to withdraw all my fixed deposits that were kept 7-8 yrs back in my mom and dad's name to my name, getting scared that since my dad has started caring her more than me now, once upon a time, I was his favourite child,now she has become his daughter, my dad & mom think I am outsider.

4)She even commands my brother like anything who has risked relations with me, my dad and mom scolding everyone even if she complaints a single word Abt us. Despite he having gifted her so many dress materials from very large showrooms, branded shops, not just that even he purchased on her behalf lucrative dresses , jewellery from major online Giants like Amazon,Flipkart,Snapdeal etc. She thinks as though she is crowned as MISS UNIVERSE by marrying my brother and all including my brother,mom,dad and me should be her slaves to dance according to her whims and fancies.
If someone doesn't obey her, she gets upset for most silly things and complaints to brother making him to get furious on my parents and he severely scolds my parents, he never gives a single penny to my mom,dad, but want all the services to be done by my mom & dad. They are tragically become way very speedily old ,weak & very vulnerable to his furious attacks of scoldings even though my dad has not taken a single Paisa from him till now. It nowhere appears, they are married, in fact the entire burden & responsibilities of taking care of brother, SIL is resting and shouldering fully fully on my parents, right from preparing dishes,giving them money, washing their clothes, ironing for them,reserving tickets for them, and more so the car which my mom & dad purchased to roam for any functions called by my relatives, which solely my dad had purchased on his expenses, is taken by my brother for his travel at other city where he works, & tragically my mom dad travel in autos and buses, I get tears down my eyes seeing them & his behaviour.
If mom advises her or I advise her as elder sister to do something, she creates a big drama before my brother & makes him scold my mom & dad severely that they again become slaves to him & her.

5)My brother has spent soooooo much out of his salary towards buying her expensive dress materials, IPAD, very costly gold necklace sets, and she isn't satisfied with that, amidst my brother purchasing everything, her mom and my mom also buy her plenty of dresses but still she shops online, whatever she likes, any household items, bedsheets, clothes, cosmetics, apparels, that too which are extremely expensive, she never minds that she is burdening my dad or my brother.My brother even told me 2-3 times to my mom and dad that she has complained "HE IS NOT TAKING GOOD CARE OF HER". 1 instance she directly told B4 me that ur brother has never cared and loved me ever since he got married, she was never satisfied getting him married, even though he himself has sacrificed his most part of salary towards all her grand luxurious expenses.
To my mom she never helps and never even cares my mom when my mom is not well, she thinks she is Miss universe and all ppl in my family like my brother, my mom and my dad are her servants. She always watches TV, or browses online for shopping , she is dead crazy about shopping heavily online, she always sits with TAB (my bro gifted to her on her bday last year )either ordering and browsing online shopping websites 24x7 in a day, or she plays games in that, or she watches good shows,serials,movies on the IPAD, or she watches modern soap operas on TV which are usually involving very fashionable & arrogant girls. She enjoys ,enjoys ,enjoys continuously. Also she talks to all her friends constantly on phone. In a nutshell she never cares at money, just within 5 to 10 days of her salary she expends everything, although my brother buys her so many gifts, she never buys him anything, & top of that complains that she is totally unhappy & unsatisfied. Everything including washing the kid, preparing tea, breakfast, lunch ,dinner all will be done by my mom and she never helps my mom in a single activity also. I end up helping my mom most of the times in cutting, preparing veggies, sweeping, folding clothes, preparing the Pooja utensils etc. She gets up almost like 11 am in the morning.

6)Even though her online purchases are oceanic, she even likes to go shopping literally to bazaars and purchasing items, even for her farthest friends and relatives she buys costly gifts out of my brother 's and father's money.

Despite my parents looking after her like a QUEEN and GODDESS OF THE HOUSE, She has complained to my brother that he is not at all taking care gud of her, post marriage, and she complaints same thing Abt my mom as well that my family is not at all caring her, even if my family like my mom made dad have treated me with least care,love and affection during my childhood days to me, especially my mom acted like great villain, asking and banging utensils, spreading rumors, getting infuriated with me complaining to my dad with false allegations and rumors,creating frivolous unnecessary tantrums etc.

7)Also I really don't understand that she left her company in June last 2016, till now she is not joining, she has intentionally applied extended leaves, so that she avoids the difficulty of going back to City where her job is and start facing daily pressures of going for work, cooking for my brother, and taking care of kid. In my office even if anyone is on maternity leaves, they will not take more than 6 months. But she has taken 1.3 years as maternity leaves. She never does anything work, but essentially she wants the governance of my house, my mom's and Dad have been taking care to such an extent as though she is more than daughter and goddess who has come to their house, I strongly believe that there hardly 1 in 1000 families treat a DIL so well. Frankly and honestly feel taking oath or swearing myself that she should have accumulated 10 incarnations fortunes to get married in a family to get my mom and dad as her inlaws, for me they may have mistreated but for her, they care to extent that even if she walks on house they check 10 times it's not filled with any crews or thorns that her delicate legs should not get hurted or injured.

8)I agree that if the girl is really very very good or damn glamourous, she ought to have all such qualities as she is having now, but this girl is nowhere in front of most good looking, very beautiful, and having really stunning figures, like I have see in Bangalore and in my office, where my friends, colleagues, who are girls m, they are too good looking, glamorous that despite being great, attractive, being rich that they end up coming in expensive cars driving by themselves, but still they are down-to-earth and heard from them that they help their mom-in-laws, husband in everything as part of their duty, being so responsible as mature characters in their family life. In fact some girls, get up prepare breakfast,lunch, get ready their kids and send to school, send hubby to office and then come to office driving in their cars. In the evening also they manage many things cordially with their inlaws etc. This girl doesn't met even 0.5% of their efforts neither in good attitude,character,manners, behaviour, confidence,maturity, duty oriened to work as dutiful daughterin-law, responsible housewife etc. All these qualities are literally 0(zero) in her.

9)In addition to inflicting such behaviour, and arrogant attitude, she frowns, get upset, for frivolous things even if my mom tells her some work ends up complaining to my bro that my mom is ill-treating her
But this girl doesn't even realise that she is a wedded bride of this house, and along with share of authority over my dad's property come various duties and responsibilities that she has to perform. Even in City where she works with my brother, she has appointed maid, & most even every week she accompanies my brother, during weekend to my mom & dad's house so that the entire burden of wasklhing their clothes, cooking for them, ironing their clothes, driving them from railway station to house to & fro everything they both depend on my parents.

10)My mom and dad had thought really opposite that if my bro marries he wud have his wife taking all set of responsibilities, and his wife would act as cushion to or house by subordinating my mom in her work, being a responsible wife lending hands in all activities. If she was way too helping and non-complaining nature then being shopaholic atleast we would have taken for stride mad digested. But she doesn't meet any of expected duties fromthe perspective how a wedded girl has to be in a home, instead she creates quarrels between my bro and mom dad creating rifts complaining each other. My brother thought by getting married he wud get ideal wife to care best of him, & understand her duties & be ideal partner for my bro. But she is found to be completely opposite of what is expected of her. She is too too too immature. In fact my brother lately or offlate even told my mom 3 times that "I was looking for a ideal wife who would be mature and responsible , very living,caring and lead him in his life like a very devoted ideal wife, but instead he has got such a wife, to whom even if he does mountains of things, she is still unhappy, complaining,and dominating my mom and dad as well. Whatever she needs she just without any reservation even into thinking that my dad is almost 40 years elder to her, she orders and gets served from. Him. Similarly she slaves my mom also. She never thinks B4 talking also like if she says something what ppl mite think. On the other hand if someone tells her some advice also, or just casually talks, she complaints to my brother, blah blah blah, by making "mountain out of a molehill". But still my mom,dad treat her as though she is gift form God of 10 inarnations fortunes. I really don't get what insecurities they have got.

11)So with my brother's marriage, my bro,next my mom and dad's life has become a strict military life lifestyle obeying her orders, commands, thinking 100 times even if a small advice needs to be given to her, bcoz my mom, dad including me think that she is very sensitive and can spread rumours Abt out family to her own parents & her relatives etc. In fear of family reputation getting spoilt my mom & dad is tolerating her. Also my bro is tolerating her actually he himself is bit immature, but looking at her extravagant, very demanding, non-compatible nature with anyone she comes across in my family, he is caring,loving her mire than his duty so that our family reputation should not be scapegoated in social circles. Even if he is immature to make her happy he does anything what she orders so that our family reputation is protected. Besides she always will be in constantly playing games on her mobile, even if mom is busy in kitchen, she wud be talking to everyone like mom & dad in her family & so my parents will be scared that even if a single word is wrongly uttered to her, she mite create a "mountain out of a molehill"
In fact my brother has become her perfect slave, and my mom,dad her pawns and puppets. She has also told her dad to somehow make me drive away from this house by imposing & manipulating my parents to forcibly marry to someone so that she can become 1 & only QUEEN of this home, & I will not come to this home for my share of love & affection, nor for any food what my mom prepares, she really has very very narrow mind that her parents had looked to get her married in a family of single son, so she thinks I am an obstacle for her life at my mom's home, I really don't get if she is hell-bent dependent on my dad & mom then how will she survive, when she goes back to my Bros house where he works, probably that is reason that post going there life is hell, as she is dead allergic to doing household work, so procastinating it indefinitely.

So please advice in very detailed and elaborate manner as to how resolve this situation can dissolve, & what are steps or measures that we as a family can take up to weed away constantly lurking fear that invades her for really no fault of my mom,dad or my brother.

Thanks
Gitika
Click to expand...

yellowmango · May 22, 2017

Op....regarding your sil ,I feel it is not about the looks but her personality.
I have a feeling she has a very pleasing personality and hence your parents and brother treat her well.It looks like they like having her around.

Don't worry about your parents. They are her inlaws. In India...inlaws are not expected to serve the dil. If they don't want to do that,they can stop without any one raising an eye brow. No one will bad mouth them for stopping their services to their dil.

Your mom loves cooking for her probably because she appreciates it .You mom can stop doing it the day she gets tired.
You brother can stop showering her with gifts the day he has a problem with that.
These are not issues at all.

You should safe guard your money . Take control of your finances or atleast make sure they are safe in your name.

Op,from your thread,you seem to be an obsessive person by nature. You are wasting the best years of your life by obsessing over other peoples life.
Talk to someone about this. A therapist or a counsellor.Some one who will help you get to focus on your life.You are an independent person with a independent life. Live it and let others deal with their life.

Why do you feel your parents are trying to marry you off against your wishes or interest?
Why do you feel they will not keep your best interest in mind while marrying you?

Have they tried to marry you off against your wishes in the past?
Talk to them ,Don't cut yourself off for this reason. Talk to them about what you want.
If you need time,tell them that .
If you have some specific wish list,tell them .

gitika · May 22, 2017

I really do not understand the point you mean by telling that my mom is trying to impress her son so as to keep the grandkids with her. Only when her son leaves this house or stops coming to this house every weekend, should she actually, try for tat option of making him impressed by worshipping his wife and him so that his grandson can be with her. This fellow (who is basically averse to his working in a different city of Hyderabad, actually is dead homesick that he never leaves a single weekend from dropping to my native whivc is just 4 hours from Hyderabad ). he actually was way back 2 years, totally getting offtrack of normal behaviour. He blackmailed my parents, when he came every Friday, staying sat and sun every weekend, that he is feeling too lonely in life and he gets nightmares, every night, sand someone is following him endangering his life etc. Also he became obsessive to picking up some random numbers, and calling up girls, and talking to them like flirting etc. Actually he never wanted to work, and be always in cocoon of my dad's earnings, it was my dad who forcibly asked him to work, he doesn't realize the fact that men should commonly work and live on their own, but thinks he can stay on my dad's earnings, so my parents got scared that against his wishes he has been asked to work, & to blackmail them saying he was thrown out of home to work he started intentionally this trick of building some stories that he is lone in life & wanted to get married so that his wife would have a decent job and his wife would take care of him, making him to sit at home. So at very young age he elected to get married couples with posing fees to my parents that he may develop some affair with any random girl, if he starts flirting with them, so they scaredly to correct have life ,got him married, that too he wanted a girl who is mature enough to take care of him on her salary, also she should be good looking etc. But even though he saw 30 girls nearly he was frustrated that he can't get all in one so he ended up marrying this girl who is fair skinned, but has blunt facial features, & short & with very average looks except for being fair. So now he has ended in a most miserable situation where he is out in performance improvement plan, due to scolding his manager and now he is searching a job. So now he has strong grounds again to stay foot in mom and dad's home as he will soon loose job & need to find another, on top of that his proud wife is busy enjoying the troubles taken by my mom and dad, a thought of atleast & supporting him by a word, that she can work if his job is in jeopardy is not coming in her mouth. She is getting multiple interview calls, but she is not ready to leave our mom and dad's house, attending interviews and going to my brother's place and helping him like a pillar atleast financially till he finds a new job. Actually, even her manager last June warned she will be put in performance improvement plan so she put instant leaves as she was pregnant too. So now he or she is not ready to leave this Nice cocoon of my mom ,& dad house,because both are most jobless he has job soon in 15 days he would be thrown out of job and for his skills, there are hardly any interview allso he gets. So taking all these things into account, that no matter even if daughter & son always hang with. Mom an dad throughout their life, they are ready to worship them like slaves.

So looking at all these scenarios, I am planning to withdraw all my financial assets to my account as fixed deposits and from hereon I will not drop a single Paisa in my dad's account to make him take care of my money as they treat their son and DIL like king & queen & me like a ordinary person

So since they have given me serious really puncturing severe shocks to me ,making me realise, that there is SO CALLED this family of mine on EARTH where daughter is treated as maid and daughterinlaw like forrune symbol of good deeds of my parents earned from 10 generations.

So let them depend on me in future, I will make them realise, all the bad they treated me and let the entire brunt of looking free them in their Osage completely fall on their most PAMPERED , LOVED, CARED and WORSHIPPED SON and DIL. It's not obligatory for me to look after them so well when they have neither treated me good either during my childhood days nor now when I have visited after having worked for 10 years, for having stayed upto 4 months in their family, even now they make me jealous treat me as outsider, least cared, ignored mad least concerned towards me.

So it's not at all obligatory to even allow them to stay a single day in my home according to the treatment they have given to me, just because I am born to them doesnt mean I have to tolerate all the partiality, nonsense, stuff like giving me least quantity of dishes & leftovers, telling I am to be married and have to diet strictl etc, they enjoy all cuisines & fishes but we're me the least and leftovers.

So I am recording every step ,every action done by then against me, in fact I have maintained a secret dairy of what all things happened on what all days , to maintain all evidence, testimonial to remind what all I went through as suffering from them, so that I can reciprocate & reflect the same set of things to them atleast make them realise their faults in their old age, it's not that I will ignore them completely but treat them in a way that they eat reminded of all mistakes, partialities, injustices the, have done to me against my brother throughout my life. This is the oath that I am taking from now onwards. This is heights of partiality that they are imposing on me,even though I care love them purchase & send LL household stuff, online sarees, dresses, apparels for my mom & dad but they are all hell-bent upon supporting my brother and DIL who despite earning luxuriously doesn't give a single penny to my mom or dad

Thanks for time
Gitika

Umanga · May 22, 2017

gitika said: ↑

I really do not understand the point you mean by telling that my mom is trying to impress her son so as to keep the grandkids with her. Only when her son leaves this house or stops coming to this house every weekend, should she actually, try for tat option of making him impressed by worshipping his wife and him so that his grandson can be with her. This fellow (who is basically averse to his working in a different city of Hyderabad, actually is dead homesick that he never leaves a single weekend from dropping to my native whivc is just 4 hours from Hyderabad ). he actually was way back 2 years, totally getting offtrack of normal behaviour. He blackmailed my parents, when he came every Friday, staying sat and sun every weekend, that he is feeling too lonely in life and he gets nightmares, every night, sand someone is following him endangering his life etc. Also he became obsessive to picking up some random numbers, and calling up girls, and talking to them like flirting etc. Actually he never wanted to work, and be always in cocoon of my dad's earnings, it was my dad who forcibly asked him to work, he doesn't realize the fact that men should commonly work and live on their own, but thinks he can stay on my dad's earnings, so my parents got scared that against his wishes he has been asked to work, & to blackmail them saying he was thrown out of home to work he started intentionally this trick of building some stories that he is lone in life & wanted to get married so that his wife would have a decent job and his wife would take care of him, making him to sit at home. So at very young age he elected to get married couples with posing fees to my parents that he may develop some affair with any random girl, if he starts flirting with them, so they scaredly to correct have life ,got him married, that too he wanted a girl who is mature enough to take care of him on her salary, also she should be good looking etc. But even though he saw 30 girls nearly he was frustrated that he can't get all in one so he ended up marrying this girl who is fair skinned, but has blunt facial features, & short & with very average looks except for being fair. So now he has ended in a most miserable situation where he is out in performance improvement plan, due to scolding his manager and now he is searching a job. So now he has strong grounds again to stay foot in mom and dad's home as he will soon loose job & need to find another, on top of that his proud wife is busy enjoying the troubles taken by my mom and dad, a thought of atleast & supporting him by a word, that she can work if his job is in jeopardy is not coming in her mouth. She is getting multiple interview calls, but she is not ready to leave our mom and dad's house, attending interviews and going to my brother's place and helping him like a pillar atleast financially till he finds a new job. Actually, even her manager last June warned she will be put in performance improvement plan so she put instant leaves as she was pregnant too. So now he or she is not ready to leave this Nice cocoon of my mom ,& dad house,because both are most jobless he has job soon in 15 days he would be thrown out of job and for his skills, there are hardly any interview allso he gets. So taking all these things into account, that no matter even if daughter & son always hang with. Mom an dad throughout their life, they are ready to worship them like slaves.

So looking at all these scenarios, I am planning to withdraw all my financial assets to my account as fixed deposits and from hereon I will not drop a single Paisa in my dad's account to make him take care of my money as they treat their son and DIL like king & queen & me like a ordinary person

So since they have given me serious really puncturing severe shocks to me ,making me realise, that there is SO CALLED this family of mine on EARTH where daughter is treated as maid and daughterinlaw like forrune symbol of good deeds of my parents earned from 10 generations.

So let them depend on me in future, I will make them realise, all the bad they treated me and let the entire brunt of looking free them in their Osage completely fall on their most PAMPERED , LOVED, CARED and WORSHIPPED SON and DIL. It's not obligatory for me to look after them so well when they have neither treated me good either during my childhood days nor now when I have visited after having worked for 10 years, for having stayed upto 4 months in their family, even now they make me jealous treat me as outsider, least cared, ignored mad least concerned towards me.

So it's not at all obligatory to even allow them to stay a single day in my home according to the treatment they have given to me, just because I am born to them doesnt mean I have to tolerate all the partiality, nonsense, stuff like giving me least quantity of dishes & leftovers, telling I am to be married and have to diet strictl etc, they enjoy all cuisines & fishes but we're me the least and leftovers.

So I am recording every step ,every action done by then against me, in fact I have maintained a secret dairy of what all things happened on what all days , to maintain all evidence, testimonial to remind what all I went through as suffering from them, so that I can reciprocate & reflect the same set of things to them atleast make them realise their faults in their old age, it's not that I will ignore them completely but treat them in a way that they eat reminded of all mistakes, partialities, injustices the, have done to me against my brother throughout my life. This is the oath that I am taking from now onwards. This is heights of partiality that they are imposing on me,even though I care love them purchase & send LL household stuff, online sarees, dresses, apparels for my mom & dad but they are all hell-bent upon supporting my brother and DIL who despite earning luxuriously doesn't give a single penny to my mom or dad

Thanks for time
Gitika
Click to expand...

Take your money and get out. Never look back and don't have anything to do with these people ever again.

gitika · May 23, 2017

yellowmango said: ↑

Op....regarding your sil ,I feel it is not about the looks but her personality.
I have a feeling she has a very pleasing personality and hence your parents and brother treat her well.It looks like they like having her around.

Don't worry about your parents. They are her inlaws. In India...inlaws are not expected to serve the dil. If they don't want to do that,they can stop without any one raising an eye brow. No one will bad mouth them for stopping their services to their dil.

Your mom loves cooking for her probably because she appreciates it .You mom can stop doing it the day she gets tired.
You brother can stop showering her with gifts the day he has a problem with that.
These are not issues at all.

You should safe guard your money . Take control of your finances or atleast make sure they are safe in your name.

Op,from your thread,you seem to be an obsessive person by nature. You are wasting the best years of your life by obsessing over other peoples life.
Talk to someone about this. A therapist or a counsellor.Some one who will help you get to focus on your life.You are an independent person with a independent life. Live it and let others deal with their life.

Why do you feel your parents are trying to marry you off against your wishes or interest?
Why do you feel they will not keep your best interest in mind while marrying you?

Have they tried to marry you off against your wishes in the past?
Talk to them ,Don't cut yourself off for this reason. Talk to them about what you want.
If you need time,tell them that .
If you have some specific wish list,tell them .
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I totally agree that in the "GREAT INDIA " its upto inlaws discretion to take care of live their DIL. But I think there is dead contrasting and totally opposite family of mine where they think serving SON and DIL is very imperative & obligatory, where 1st of all the daughter shamelessly expects maximum better treatment from my parents, on top of that my mom pours rains of love,pampering, that she sees she gives all my apparels for her to wear, she serves her more quantity of very tasty delicacies prepared at home, and if any specially customised dishes are prepared she keeps it totally hides from me , so that I won't know it's location in kitchen but openly discloses to my SIL so that she enjoys the merit of releasing it whenever she wants howmuchever she wants. I really feel so so disgusted that my own mom treats me with so so so much bias against her son during childhood and now treats her son's and DIL with a different pedestal and me in a different pedestal.

gitika · May 23, 2017

Rihana said: ↑

You are saying if your SIL was more glamorous or very beautiful, had a stunning figure, her behavior and expectations would be excusable?

What do the husbands of these matured, confident, duty-oriented DILs do around the house? The girls get up, prepare breakfast, lunch, get their kids ready and send to school, send hubby to office............ The mind boggles. Kids and husband both need to be "sent"? But the women have no one to "send" them to office and even no one to "drive" them? What do the husbands do?
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Means I am not getting you point are u teasing me here that ever on Earth there can't be persons like that. If so, then sorry there are posh modern Western cultured dressed smart ladies I shave seen many many in my office who multitasking,manage their household chores, may be they have a maid, it's left to their discretioncan but esentially they take part in all activities like kitchen work, laundry, making up beds, cleaning all furnitures, washing cars, taking babies out for stroll, doing all the Pooja, attending to all needs of kids and inlaws, like giving them things at Andy when they are seated, also visit some rest talk,theatres, picnics ,outings, vacations, whenever they have chance, wit their husbands, and kids apart from this they earn handsome package +also manage all household chores and be a dedicated housewife+working women with hanging pay+ never take any long leaves + busy on weekends with kids and hubby to hang out at different places.

So I mean to say that my office comprises of many such ladies who are very multitasking+ work brinstarmingly both in office & at home + never take leaves+ attend to all inlaws looking after them really well + also go for India or abroAd tours atleast once in a year+ take only 6 months when facing pregnancy

So when I have seen multitudes of such girls doing all such stuff, it really raises my eyebrows that my SIL is masquerading in the name of pregnancy, and taking extreme advantage of it, instead of playing video games, watching serials, doing online shopping , ordering & eating All the best delicacies prepared by my mom that too my mom is insanely crazy & takes extra measures to make separately customised items for her dIL and separate for us,

So instead of doing all such stuff even knowing my brother's job is at jeopardy cannot she join now on duty as she has put just leaves, and she is dead revoeved from pregnancy as it post 1.3 years almost that terribly demands she is no way needing any rest anymore. ..??

BhumiBabe · May 23, 2017

gitika said: ↑

Means I am not getting you point are u teasing me here that ever on Earth there can't be persons like that. If so, then sorry there are posh modern Western cultured dressed smart ladies I shave seen many many in my office who multitasking,manage their household chores, may be they have a maid, it's left to their discretioncan but esentially they take part in all activities like kitchen work, laundry, making up beds, cleaning all furnitures, washing cars, taking babies out for stroll, doing all the Pooja, attending to all needs of kids and inlaws, like giving them things at Andy when they are seated, also visit some rest talk,theatres, picnics ,outings, vacations, whenever they have chance, wit their husbands, and kids apart from this they earn handsome package +also manage all household chores and be a dedicated housewife+working women with hanging pay+ never take any long leaves + busy on weekends with kids and hubby to hang out at different places.

So I mean to say that my office comprises of many such ladies who are very multitasking+ work brinstarmingly both in office & at home + never take leaves+ attend to all inlaws looking after them really well + also go for India or abroAd tours atleast once in a year+ take only 6 months when facing pregnancy

So when I have seen multitudes of such girls doing all such stuff, it really raises my eyebrows that my SIL is masquerading in the name of pregnancy, and taking extreme advantage of it, instead of playing video games, watching serials, doing online shopping , ordering & eating All the best delicacies prepared by my mom that too my mom is insanely crazy & takes extra measures to make separately customised items for her dIL and separate for us,

So instead of doing all such stuff even knowing my brother's job is at jeopardy cannot she join now on duty as she has put just leaves, and she is dead revoeved from pregnancy as it post 1.3 years almost that terribly demands she is no way needing any rest anymore. ..??
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Wow...you're just the SIL, but you act like the worst MIL ever. Why do you have expectations on this woman? Why do you even care? It seems like you would do better from that negativity.

Sunshine04 · May 23, 2017

gitika said: ↑

I totally agree that in the "GREAT INDIA " its upto inlaws discretion to take care of live their DIL. But I think there is dead contrasting and totally opposite family of mine where they think serving SON and DIL is very imperative & obligatory, where 1st of all the daughter shamelessly expects maximum better treatment from my parents, on top of that my mom pours rains of love,pampering, that she sees she gives all my apparels for her to wear, she serves her more quantity of very tasty delicacies prepared at home, and if any specially customised dishes are prepared she keeps it totally hides from me , so that I won't know it's location in kitchen but openly discloses to my SIL so that she enjoys the merit of releasing it whenever she wants howmuchever she wants. I really feel so so disgusted that my own mom treats me with so so so much bias against her son during childhood and now treats her son's and DIL with a different pedestal and me in a different pedestal.
Click to expand...

I think your mom was like this even before your sil came into ur house.

Sunshine04 · May 23, 2017

gitika said: ↑

Means I am not getting you point are u teasing me here that ever on Earth there can't be persons like that. If so, then sorry there are posh modern Western cultured dressed smart ladies I shave seen many many in my office who multitasking,manage their household chores, may be they have a maid, it's left to their discretioncan but esentially they take part in all activities like kitchen work, laundry, making up beds, cleaning all furnitures, washing cars, taking babies out for stroll, doing all the Pooja, attending to all needs of kids and inlaws, like giving them things at Andy when they are seated, also visit some rest talk,theatres, picnics ,outings, vacations, whenever they have chance, wit their husbands, and kids apart from this they earn handsome package +also manage all household chores and be a dedicated housewife+working women with hanging pay+ never take any long leaves + busy on weekends with kids and hubby to hang out at different places.
Click to expand...

So a women after marriage has to be at the beck and call of everybody.
Your SIL is also not right though.
She needs to help ur parents.
Why do u worry about her job???