Hi I started working after a long break of two years. I got feedback from my supervisor 'A'saying that he got feedback about me from other supervisors 'B' and 'C'. 'A' says that all of them have noticed that I am not gelling with the team. Actually B and C brainwashed A. And now A too feels the same. Till now I was very happy with my job. But after receiving such feedback I am very discouraged. DH and mom explained me that just ignore and move on. But after the comment I also started feeling that yes I cud not be gelling. The reason I am feeling this is because of my past. Right from childhood I was very introvert person. I will not mix up easily. I had very few friends. I am not very social. I remembered that I was also not able to form good bond in team in the past. That could be the reason I am not at a position where I should have been. Also i am not able to form good bond with my SIL n mil. All these things are making me think that I am lacking something which is making me lose lot of things. Friends please suggest me. What I can say is I can try but I don't know how do I help myself with this. Also I was working so confidently. I had also received appreciation of my hard work and dedication. But after this feedback I started feeling negative discouraged and demotivated to work which is hampering my professional and personal life both.
The world is not kind to introverts. There's nothing we can do about it, especially in India where everybody likes to talk constantly. You can't change the fundamentals of your personality. You are who you are. Be happy and proud of it. If you try to be an extrovert, it shall only end in tears. Your employers should concern themselves with the quality of work you are producing, not your ability to "gel" with your colleagues. I think you need to learn more about your nature and harness its inner power and advantages. Some of the most powerful and famous people in the world are introverts. Extroverts make-up the employees of the companies that introverts build. So, start by reading Introvert, Dear and Introverts on Reddit • r/introvert, two great sources of support and understanding. You can then move on to reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain and The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. Both of these books can help you understand yourself better. But to start, visit the two websites mentioned above. Finally, I don't think anybody on this forum has articulated the problems faced by the sensitive introvert in the Indian workplace more eloquently than @people0skills. Her threads are a tour-de-force. It helps to know that you are not alone. Have a read. Anyway, good luck and let us know if we can be of further help.
Hello, Breakdown the problems. Don't mix the impact of your personality on your family members with impact on your professional members. Both are completely different interactions. Since your post is specifically related to your work, let us stay focused on that. First: Irrespective of what anyone says about you at work, do your own self-introspection if there are personality issues and if these issues genuinely impact your work and deliverables. The ultimate results required by an organization. If the answer is yes: slowly for your own sake and future careers work on it gradually. Not under stress and pressure from your current team and management. Even if you are a different type of person, a certain degree of professional interpersonal people skills is required to do work and get work done. You do not have to be "over-friendly and pally" but you cannot be "too isolated either". As someone once said to me: "If you are going to stick out like a nail, be prepared to get hammered". Second: If you feel there is no real serious problem to work on then keep at the back of your mind that your team could be bothered (read jealous) of your doing well at work and want to shake your competence and confidence and elicit the exact same response as is in your post. A reaction of questioning yourself. This is a distraction from your main focus and goal. And if you are always going to be self-conscious from now onward and it is affecting your ability to deliver, your team has achieved their goal. Don't let them. Everyone is different. Never compare with another person. Even the difference is not static - you change with age and stage in your career. You may be the full of energy bubbly giggly 20 some at one time, you are the more serious assertive laid back 40 some down the road. You are who you are and AS LONG AS WHO YOU ARE DOES NOT IMPACT THE END-RESULT AND DELIVERS SUCCESSFULLY AND ON TIME WHAT IS REQUIRED OF YOUR EMPLOYER - THEY HAVE GOT WHAT THEY NEED FOR EVERY CENT THEY INVEST IN YOU. If anyone brings up your personality problems, make sure to clarify how it is impacting the end-result. If your team does not like you just because they chose not to like you for who you are - too bad! If your management and company is smart, they will let this go and retain you for the value you bring to your company. A subordinate once said to me before my VP in a closed room meeting within my first week on the job as a manager "Your whole personality is cold, you are too cold, you are cold... we all find you very cold....". I cut this person off immediately and drew her focus and attention back to the problem at hand and cautioned that the meeting focus was not about my personality. My VP just sat there quietly letting us sort it out. Next day at a management department meeting he mentioned how I had created that professional boundary and reminded staff to keep personality issues separate and that after decades of work, he learned something from me how to handle such issues. As a triple minority in a foreign country (minority #1 Race, minority #2 Gender, minority #3 rare for people like me in my profession - I deal with this on a daily basis. I am that nail that is hammered all the time. I just don't let it get to me. Because I know I have all the right ingredients of a model employee - personality and professional competence included.
OP, Don't mix your personal life with professional life. Be a professional. First you have to ask yourself is there any truth in their comments ? Are you doing your job well. Then what is lacking. Observe others. Are you communicating enough and proper with other team members . Are you prompt in replying their emails and responding to them fast enough and well. If you believe, you have done a good job. Then find out the reasons why you get this feedback. If I were you I will ask for time to talk personally with each supervisor and discuss with them ( as a professional) the reasons and how they think you can improve it. Keep everything in record for example instead of talking or even if you talk mention the details in email. Often people comment like this when they don't have a clue on what you are doing or finding it difficult to communicate with you.. anyway find the reason. If you believe you are doing the job well then move ahead. You don't have to go and talk in person each time. Use email to update and communicate. Draft mails carefully. If possible, arrange a meeting at least every month with supervisor and discuss the work, how much you achieved, the problems, how did you solved it what else remaining etc... after the meeting send an email summary of the meeting. Just cited it.. see if anything works. If you go to any meeting keep your self updated and prepared. It is life. Deal professional problems professionally. Don't take it to heart much. Find the problem and fix it , instead of worrying or depressed about it. I am also an introvert, mostly I am the only female working in the group and I know how tough it is sometimes.. But we are better than others in many aspects. That is why they hire you. So use your positives to the maximum and improve your negative side. We can do it. Move ahead with confidence..Good luck
Ask your supervisor in what way are you not gelling with them - talkin, laughing, having fun - or to an extent where it's affecting the outcome of your or their work If it's the first one, ignore If it's the second one, then speak to him about what changes he would like to be made and try that. You can't drag an introvert person and expect them to behave like a class clown. N you can't expect an extrovert person to sit in a corner either. It's their personal traits. You are who you are. They wouldn't have hired you or appreciated your work if you were not good. If you let other people's words to affect you, you literally can't live. Clarify the first part with your supervisor and get over this dilemma and focus on your work before you let this become a threat to your job.
