Is My Angry Normal

Sweetygals · Apr 29, 2017

Hi all,
Im back here after long time. To tell my background. Im working mom with 2 year old daughter. Have a full time maid to take care of my kid. My husband was quite dominating in the begining. Now things have changed positively. He is fine now. It is mainly because he knows i will walk out of this marriage with my kid in no time. So he is quite fair now. I have a divorced SIL with her kid staying with my MIL, FIL. My husband is taking care of them. My MIL is very dominating and controlling person. Since my husband changed she is not able to tolerate this. So she will just pick a topic and say to us that we are not respecting her anymore and dont pick our calls. This has become a routine. And i have ignored her completely. Not calling her any more. If my husband pesters a lot will just call her for name sake. But the drama continues. My husband is disturbed because of this. She simply threatens that she will go old age home. I know for sure this will not happen. But my husband beleives and worries a lot about his mom nature.

Now coming to the main issue now my dad came to my house for a month just to monitor my baby. Im really not very comfortable leaving my kid with maid. But dont have a choice. My mil never took care. She will say nice dialogues that she misses her grand daughter. Thats all. My mom supported me a lot. Now she is not healthy. So i did not want to disturb her. So jus my dad is here for a month. My mil dont like my parents visiting so she fought with my husband. Again she is not picking calls anymore. This my sil is also not talking to my husband. I dknw the exact reason. In my opinion my sil is not like my husband and mil. Ok kind of person. It is weird she is behaving like this.

So my husband went to his hometown for 10 days just to spend time with them. I said ur wife and ur kid are here alone in foreign country. How can u leave us and go. There is nothing important in ur hometown. U can spend ur holidays with our kid later. So that kid will also enjoy with u after my father leaves. He said Ur father is there maid is there. Dont worry. Im stuck in between. I need to take care of my parents and sister. Reduce their anger And take my sister kid out. I will go at any cost.
And now he has gone there from there they are going to tour for 4 days. Now i guess everyone talking to my hysband. So they are going for a jolly trip. My husband messaging me saying miss u and kid blah blah. I said no need to talk with me. And i know my mil will became normal and slowly talk against me to slow poison him. This will also happen. I really dont want to talk with him anymore. Am i normal or overreacting.
And to my office friends if i say that my husband left to india. They ask me why is there any important function. When i say no he just have more vacation holidays than me. Then they would also say he can spend time with kid na. Anyway only maid is there with kid. So everyone are thinking like me.
Please advice me the following.

1. Should i ignore this or when ever my husband calls i will not pick his call and talk to him showing my anger.
2. I have stopped talking with my mil completely because im tired of this drama. If i call her either she dont pick or talk sarcastically. Should i keep trying to call her and even if she dont talk normal or i should ignore.

Please advice.

poovai · Apr 29, 2017

OP,

You are not alone in that aspect when a husband visit their family without wife, yes they can influence him. It is temporary, just to get along with elders, he may go along with the flow.

You have your dad staying with you and just enjoy the time with him. If you don't feel like talking, don't have to answer/respond to your DH. Spilled words cannot be taken back!

You have nothing to worry. Your DH seems to know his place in life. I am sure, he will be back with guilt by leaving you alone!

Your feeling is understandable! Over time you will understand, you cannot hold on to a man by threatening him or by showing your frustration/anger on him.

The anger/frustration only affects your health and your kid will feel that emotion from you. It is not good for both of you.

Think about it....If you show more love/affection towards your DH, you can make him a better husband/father.

Talk to someone you are closer like mom/aunt, sibling or a friend who has more experience in life.

satyasrinivas80 · Apr 30, 2017

Op,
I'm sorry, what is your issue here exactly?
Your husband left the country to spend some time with his mother, sister, and nephew/niece? Or Your MIL doesn't answer your calls?

DDream · Apr 30, 2017

OP, I feel that you are slightly over reacting. What is the difference between you and MIL. Your MIL don't like her son being happy with you and feels that you are changing him

You think that your MIL is going to change her son and they are enjoying.. Your reactions may be due to your past experience. May be your frustration is quite natural..Sorry..Anyway your dh left home and is with his mother..Let them have some time.

OP, just forgot about it . Your Dad is here why you, him and baby have a blast.. Utalize, your time with Dad , with no dh around, the most memorable one. Think about it instead of worrying about what your dh is doing with MIL or SIL.

Think about how you can make your present time your Dad (positive person for you)and baby a happy one, instead of worrying about negative persons in your life. Just relax and think about it

I feel that not talking to husband will fuel up stress so talk normal to your Dh and if ever you talk to MIL talk I front of your dh with speakers on.. I feel that unnecessary stress will only affect you and your health..this will affect you and may make your dad unhappy and may affect your your baby

So be happy and enjoy time with your Dad and baby

Lithika · Apr 30, 2017

Hi...I understand ur frustration... u knw wat his mother spk s jst a blackmail but a son or daughter can't tk it in dat way... sry to say dat v girls shouldn't expect our DH to detach fully frm der family due to our past experiences

U shouldn't be show ur anger towards ur husband it ll worsen d situation n der s chances dat u r giving chance to ur MIL ...Instead be happy n ask abt hw happy s his family & he during d trip...Let him understand dat u too care abt his family n nt lk ur MIL...

Even if others try to change your husband thought also,he is all yours n he s gng to come back for you and your daughter

penpaal · Apr 30, 2017

I feel like you also must have gone with him . When he will reach home mil open the door and you are like surprise !!!!!! . End of the day it's just 10 days. Your husband must have felt nice ,if you offered it . And it is one way showing unity between you guys..

SunPa · Apr 30, 2017

Dear OP ,

I am assuming you want this relationship to work. Your husband is changing his ways , maybe because he know you will not put up with nonsense but the fact is he still is trying.
Sorry if I come across as harsh, but this is what I honestly feel.
I think the main question to ask is what do you want him to do? What will make you happy? If he severs all relationship with your MIL , will that make you happy? Dont you think that will make your husband feel guilty, and will that guilt affect you?

Please think "us" not "he /I". You have to think from his perspective. Your dad is here , so your son will have family even when you are off to work. If all of you go together, there will be more politics and end of the day no peace.

Look, your husband understands his mother is doing drama , what can he do - Either fight with her or play along with it a bit at least for his duty as a son? All said she is his mother, she has raised him, he has some duties no matter how manipulative she is. Arent you doing just what your MIL is doing? She makes him feel guilty for not taking care of her and you make him feel guilty for spending 2 weeks with them?

Sincerely, the best thing you can do is be supportive. You are spoiling your days with all this resentment. Give him something special to look forward to when he returns instead of all your pent up anger. Spend this time with your dad and child. A child spending 10 days away from your his dad is ok. He will treat you all extra special when he is back.

Fear and anger dont help a relationship - understanding and trust do.

Sunshine04 · Apr 30, 2017

Your anger is not normal.
He has gone to India when ur dad is living with you.
His sister being a divorce may need moral support. .
You are being selfish.

Shanvy · Apr 30, 2017

When somebody makes effort to change and you feel the change, feel happy. It is done only when you and the relationship are important to him. Do not tighten so much that it breaks with a little pressure from outside.it is so easy to do that if you guilt trip him with your anger and words.

How about looking at it this way.. seeing your father and you, he must have missed his mother. So he makes the trip, what is wrong?? The best you could have done is told him that give me a little time, let us sort the leave and go together and your mil to gets to be with you all.

Your mom is sick,yet your father is with you, because it is you and you can't trust or leave him alone with a maid but his mother cannot miss him. Please learn to trust, and find alternative ways to keep watch on the maid.

Let him have his week or two with his mother accept it. Acceptance is the key.

Always weigh the issues, making it hard with every issue that is not according to your liking is only going to add resentment and later doing things behind your back.

your husband knew that you are safe and secure and have support when he went to visit his mother, that is a definite plus.

So your anger is not justified but if you feel left out then that is a different issue altogether

yellowmango · Apr 30, 2017

Op....your father is with you to help you even though your mom would have been better off with his help.
Is she nagging him and showing him anger for leaving her and going to help his daughter.

Your dad is with you to help you ...your husband is doing the same.
Be happy for him and hope the change refreshes him .
You have your dad with you....you do the same him. Go out for dinner with dad and child.

Go shopping or sightseeing with dad over the weekend instead of sulking and wasting this precious time with dad...

If husband gets brainwashed....then fight that battle then.Don't stand waiting with gloves on now.Enjoy your time.