Need Honest Opinions

Thanks for sharing your story.. So much to learn.. Also so happy to know how a happy couple plan their retirement. You are still young, I really dont know why DIL , think you guys go for Pilgrimage than vacation.. May be feeling jelous?

OP, I think this will pass, I feel that it is their emotional blackmailing to come and live with you.. or find some solution to baby sitting problem. Dont do that. If you allow them to stay with you, all your retirement plans will be messed up. Stick on your plans.. Dont give money again and again.. They will inherit it any way.. so why they are so greedy now.

It is their job to take care of their kid. You are ready to help them but bending and listening to orders is not a good option. DIL should understand it. She should consider the help you offered as blessing instead of finding fault with it over strawberry.. That is so immature. You can offer help, but not much, I think. Taking care of a baby is not an easy job.. Or they should stop complaining. I agree with you what you did, may be I will do the same thing in if I were in your place, especially if someone complaints after doing so much help. So think about all aspects and take a decision. I am sure you will do based on your posts here. Just curious to know how you handle new situation. Good luck

I feel that it is better not to expect anything in return even from kids. Even of we get very old. If they cannot understand what we do to them, the help one offer, the sacrifice - do you expect that they will understand you when you really need their help. If this is the way the they treat you now, that time they will show their real face, I believe

 

Dear OP.
Ur story is all too familiar . I know of atleast two MILs in my extended family who are in this position. U made an offer to take care of ur grand-daughter in good faith...didnt work out. Let it go ...and dont let them use the grand kid as bait.

To this query from @Rihana . Dont let this tempt u back into an unsavory situation. Its not worth it. Habits change people seldom. Given what I see of ur son and DIL they will not be the ones to take of u in ur old age . Its hard enough of a job even when there is plenty of affection and love ..Tighten up ur finances. Esp the property. Make sure the will etc is in right order . More later.

 

Dear OP,
As everyone said, yes you planned everything perfect. So prior to the marriage, did you discuss about the finances breakdown with your son. abt your plan to visit places. Did he agree and looked happy with your thinking?.

To be very honest, even i would have felt you are selfish parents with no tolerance/adjusting mentality.

Children mindset will be like, my parents should devote all their money and time on me. so may be your Son also has this thinking due to which he is not able to stand by your side.

Did your DIL and SON go on Honeymoons after marriage. Did they visit places like you doing? If not then definitely your DIL might be feeling, we got married but they are going on trips. She might be asking your son to take trips and financially he cannot afford, where as he seeing you guys enjoying with your money.
You would have invited them to join you to trips. and insisted they do.
Regarding making them stay in separate house, seems like there is lot of misunderstanding.

Finally about the grand child. I had a tiff with my MIL and she refused to take care of my kid and went to India in a week. I didnt talk to my inlaws for years and still blame them for not taking care of my kids when they needed the most. As Rihana said, i always taunt my husband am not gonna let my inlaws step inside my house when they will become bed ridden . just telling you my story.
I will suggest, you talk to your son and tell him out of anger your husband would have said not to take care of grand child. But you definitely want to take care of your grand daughter. Tell him going forward , let him communicate with you regarding the baby's food etc and not his wife. Say her way of taking hurts you so you prefer not to discuss with her.
You will gain some trust and confidence of your son that you still care for his daughter.

 

Your daughter in law is one shelfish crook. Usually problem arise but needs matured behaviour. She is very immature and behaves cheap. How about her family are they broad minded.

 

They r being unreasonable n greedy. If they treat u like dis wen u r independent, imagine ur life wen u r dependent on dem. Wen ur son was a kid, u smacked him wen he did smthng wrong, isn't it? Now too he needs a motherly dose from u looks like. Jus bcoz he's married, he can't behave like a brat.
If u keep bending to der whims n fancies, they wil make sure u r smashed flat on the ground. U r d mother, make sure to remind him of dat. N don't take der tantrums seriously n give all ur money to dem. Ur wealth will pass on only after both d partners r no more. Never before. They wil make u a servant n ur hubby a watchman. God forbid, if any health issue arises, they won't spend a penny. For ppl like dis, even if u give dem d world, It will never b enuf.
Dis living in d same house issue is being brought up now bcoz they want u to take care of dem. They don want d issue of running d house hold n caring for a kid. Ur dil is not able to accept u r a modern mil n goes on holidays n living a life of ur own. N also she has gotten d confidence that u rnt gona boss her around but instead she can boss u around n make u cover all d expenses so living in the same house wud b advantageous for her.
U hav spent for their wedding n a house, how much more do they want? Kids r supposed to provide for the parents traditionally not the other way around. She wants to milk u till u hav nothing n then have over all control. They r educated n earning. This kinda attitude is unacceptable. If they make noise, u make a louder noise. U r d mother n he's ur son. U r always d boss. U don't forget that n remind him of that. Jus bcoz u r nice n not torturing them like it happens traditionally, dey hav taken d role looks like. Warn them, they want an old fashioned mil attitude, den that's wat u wil become. Take a break, U need time to heal n ur son to realise their mistakes. If he's gona love u only if u give him money n b of service to dem, then r u buying ur love here?

 

your son also had figured it out what kind of adult he is going to be.So don't bend much for them now.

They need to figure it out their moral values and their grounds.If they continue to behave that way let them be.I know it's not easy seeing own kids like that.But this is the time they make or break their moral ground,
And also as parents, you need to understand where your son stand in the whole game.
just do what your heart say and don't fall for your mind.
once anyone marries to an unreasonable person, it will take a time to make adjustments, forward bending, backward bending and unlitimalty they figure out their own place in the game, and it may take minimum 5 years and maximum 10.
If they both of the same mindset, then they become stronger in the game, if they have different opinions then people try to make middle grounds.
So don't try to reaccess yourself that you are doing something wrong and don't let them take advantage of you.
Also, I have seen mothers who give up easily feeling after all they are my kids.
mother's shouldn't give a free pass to grown up kids.

 

plz plz plz never give ur money to them totally..dont give up to any kind of emotional bargains ..they aemre selfish..and she is purely jealous of u enjoying ur retired life..both ur son and dil are behind ur money as u guys are spending for ur luxuriois vaccations..u slogged in work to save money..u have done enough for ur sons future..now let them take care of themselves..let them save for thier vaccation..they will accuse u daily for something or other as they cant stand u both enjoying..plz invest this money for future and dont give even a penny more to ur son..let him work for his family's future..why dont u and ur hubby takw a break from this family drama and go for a vaccation for few days..let the dil know how i took care of ur grandkid..and how difficult it is now whenu take ur off..

 

First of all happy to see such a mother in law . Freedom to dil ,ready to take care of grandchild.. seriously such in-laws are rare..
You get only one freedom or child support ?? Here she got both !!

Let them hire a nanny and continue their life. They will no what they were missing..

Give them sometime . They will come back to you .In this heat of the moment they don't know what they are doing . Everyone need a break and some time here ..There is nothing like "permanent damage " in a family .It won't be like before but definitely they need you and you need them . That is why it is " family" . Just take a break.. time will heal everything with little extra effort .

You go to some beautiful place and relax a little bit. You need a break. If you can ,call and visit them whenever you get time .