Need Honest Opinions

Oh no! Our messages must have crossed. It sounds rather ungrateful, not to mention immature. And also like you've been taken for granted. I hope time heals this rift. Best wishes

 

Stay strong. You havent done anything wrong. They r jus behaving like spoiled brats. Just give it all sometime. Theres always challenges, ups n downs in families. It will get better in time.

 

Hats off to you.

Grand parents are family members, and second parents to the kid, particularly when they willingly babysit the kids. So, it is plain rude to control them or treat them like nannies/maids with questions like this.
Great to know that you were able to cut this when needed.
More than this, I am humbled to know that you have your own retirement plan, thus you are no longer a dependent.
When respect matters, relationship or the dependency should not spoil it.
You are standing up for your rights, and your demand is right.

Your DIL is getting a favor from you. Leaving the infant in the most reliable hands is heaven to working moms. She must learn to cherish this.
The moms who leave their kids in the not-so-well maintained day care knows the pain.
She will know this once she experience this.

In general, it is very hard to babysit. Unless and until someone takes up this job voluntarily, it can leave loads of resentments. Particularly when you actually begin to live your life after all your responsibilities, a nanny role may be a huge set back.
So, your DIL must understand this favor and appreciate this.

Both my mom and MIL looks after my children in turns. My mom lives with me, but she has her own hobby and break times from her role. During this time my MIL comes and joins the kid.
MIL too have her other roles, and we adjust to it with the support of nannies and maids. It takes too many people to raise kids.
If that role is dumped on one or two persons, then it is an invaluable service.

 

Hi OP,
Its not really you or your husbands responsibility to take care of your grandkid. You agreed to do that out of your goodness and love. One can give suggestions to the caretaker of child with out being arrogant and controlling. If your DIL can create this much hullabaloo for you giving banana instead of strawberries to the kid, she or your son can surely take an year break from the job and look after the kid themselves.

 

On this forum we hear all the time about reasonable women forced to live with completely unreasonable in-laws. How refreshing to hear about how you have planned your retired life instead. It's too bad that your DIL
could not appreciate her good fortune at having such an understanding MIL and instaed chose to make a mess of entire situation. Let them work out their problems for now. Leave the lines of communication open, but along with your grandchild your son and DIL also have some growing up to do.

 

Me and dh at times jokingly say we plan so much, about not troubling the kids, gjving them space and all and maybe they will have something else to complain about and start a thread in these very forums. I have even written this as a fb to some thread. And this post shows something like this could happen even when you are considerate parents or parents-in-law.

Duh!!there is no manual that works to the t.
Sorry valli couldnot help from thinking loud.

 

You and your spouse are 3 generations ahead of the younger generation - dil & son in terms of leading an independent life without disturbing them for any reason - which is a problem for them it seems. People never learn unless they learn it the hard way of MIL controlling DIL episodes happen at home.

Just don't care what they talk - they will realize soon once they miss your services.

 

Never give all your money to them. Because they never going to care you and your husband after that. As you said all goes to them.

Just don't worry about their behavior. You have all support from your husband.

Just plan and go for a trip. That help you to overcome this mood. Njoy your day.

And hope for the best.

 

You and your husband, are far more circumspect and considerate than most Indian parents I have ever come across, at least in India. You have planned for the future and took precautions not to be a burden to your only son and his family. I applaud you for that move. Congratulations on your retirement!

Your SON and your DIL are being ridiculous. They simply cannot have it ALL. You gave them everything to start a good life together, and it is unreasonable for them to expect more. Regarding your DIL's behavior taking care of the child, she is most likely unhappy with the arrangement, which most likely your son wanted and volunteered your services. You can offer to baby sit, but unless she feels guilty that she is keeping her child away from her grandparents, it's not really going to roll.

Your son.... I'm surprised that he is being so greedy and asking for money from his parents when both he and his wife are working. Simply sit him down, and say 'No' and give him reason on why this will benefit him and his family. If that doesn't seem to turn out well, I would still advise you not to give them more money. You still have many more years left in your life, and being financially independent is very important to maintain a good relationship between your husband and you, and between your son. Imagine having to ask money from him and your DIL...