My Toddler Is Becoming My Enemy.

sanjuruby3 · Mar 19, 2017

My 2.5 yrs old is energy bomb and draining me out with her rude behaviour and manners. I stay at home with her and she has just started daycare few days/week for same reasons. She loves her dad and follows him but disrespects me completely. My H scolds her when she hits me or shouts at me.
Her acts and behaviour kills me, stresses me all the time.
Just an example, lets take bath...no, somehow I lure into bath, then won't come out.

Lets go out for some urgent task, help mamma, NO..
She spreads play cards on floor, and If I pick back, she screams. Can you please pick those?...NO.
She is butt naked on cold floor, lets put on pants, you will get sick... NO.
lets change clothes to go out..no.
Plz do not put this in mouth, you will hurt yourself, NO
For everything there is a big 'no'. Then there is 1 hr of chasing, drama and then fighting.
Many times its like emergency like to pick my H in rush, as I tell her calmly we need to go right now as daddy got hurt, he is standing in cold etc etc but she does not understand ofcourse.

I tried talking positively to her, by keeping my head on myself. like please, I love you can i have this or that ...But she is 2.5 yrs old only. Those philosophy in books does not work on her. I tried 1-2-3 methods. I force her, slap her ( sorry but that I have to do ) when she just does not listen and its emergency, that only works.

Its like she is my enemy now and how will it change ?
I have seen kids of her age. Example they outside and want to play desparately or playing. Mommy says no, we need to get back home, time for bath etc. If not first time, they definitely go back 2nd time. At max, they say I do not want to go but play but still they go.
My kid, If I refuse anything to her in front of others, take it to her ego and starts screaming right there.
I take her to library and they have ipads, she will say mommy I want to go there, okay we go there and then she sits and I try to touch ipad just to open a nice appropriate game that she might be able to play, she tells me mommy you go... what? She does not need me now.
If I try to get up like looking at books even close by, no mommy..do not go

One thing I need to learn is not to complain to my H in front of her but me and H do not spend a minute alone. Only for a movie at night that too exhausted to talk.
Girls, please suggest how to discipline this girl.

dnormx01 · Mar 20, 2017

Say the opposite. Say I don't want to touch the iPad, she will allow you to touch it. Say I don't want to go out, she will come out. The age is like that, she wants to see how you react to her tantrums and that yearning just gets stronger. After a few times she herself will realize doing what you said is a better idea. Then she will behave better.

Don't get worked up. Relax and best of luck

paru123 · Mar 20, 2017

Me too in the same situation that you have described. Really a tough time.

paru123 · Mar 20, 2017

I have noticed that this behavior in my girl is triggered more when she is hungry or when her sleep is incomplete. Some days she needs so much of attention/pampering from me. She listens to her dad (out of fear) but takes me for granted. Inside the house I ignore her No's unless its an emergency. Sometimes beat her. But outside the house, I just get so irritated when she refuses to come from park or misbehaves in shops. Am afraid other moms would stop their kids interaction with her.

AmayaGirl · Mar 20, 2017

I am following this post too.. my 3.5yr old DS does this to me regularly.

For him his father is everything. Mumma is needed just wen he wants to poo.

happygolucky22 · Mar 20, 2017

I am not that experienced but may be just give her some space? Let her do things her own way and see how it goes? May be since you stay with her you unknowingly try to over control her with everything. Sorry this is just my assumption. But I have an almost 2.5 yrs toddler and I do the same at my home. I let the toddler do what he wants and then for sure he comes back to me after few minutes like some days he doesn't want to wear pants, instead of fighting with him I just let him be and retry after 10 min or so. He is distracted by then and wears it without any issues. May be ignore her tantrums and let her lie on the floor naked or do whatever she wants and see how it goes. Toddler this age anyway have very little things that they want to do As long as they are in safe boundary just relax and let them have fun and experiment. Independence is what they are trying to learn and practice

For leaving from home, give her a countdown like in 5 minutes (Show 5 with your fingers/hands) we will be leaving home to pick daddy. Then few seconds later say 4 (show with fingers again) we will be leaving home to pick daddy. repeat until 1 and then say 'all done'-We have to leave now. Time doesn't have to be from the clock just random few seconds. This helps them to know what's coming and lets them prepare mentally instead of expecting them to leave everything at once and just go out. This is a tip from a therapist and works everytime everywhere like parks, favorite play areas etc.

sanjuruby3 · Mar 20, 2017

happygolucky22 said: ↑

I am not that experienced but may be just give her some space? Let her do things her own way and see how it goes? May be since you stay with her you unknowingly try to over control her with everything. Sorry this is just my assumption. But I have an almost 2.5 yrs toddler and I do the same at my home. I let the toddler do what he wants and then for sure he comes back to me after few minutes like some days he doesn't want to wear pants, instead of fighting with him I just let him be and retry after 10 min or so. He is distracted by then and wears it without any issues. May be ignore her tantrums and let her lie on the floor naked or do whatever she wants and see how it goes. Toddler this age anyway have very little things that they want to do As long as they are in safe boundary just relax and let them have fun and experiment. Independence is what they are trying to learn and practice

For leaving from home, give her a countdown like in 5 minutes (Show 5 with your fingers/hands) we will be leaving home to pick daddy. Then few seconds later say 4 (show with fingers again) we will be leaving home to pick daddy. repeat until 1 and then say 'all done'-We have to leave now. Time doesn't have to be from the clock just random few seconds. This helps them to know what's coming and lets them prepare mentally instead of expecting them to leave everything at once and just go out. This is a tip from a therapist and works everytime everywhere like parks, favorite play areas etc.
Click to expand...

I read that 1-2-3 tip in a book and have seen people using it too. I tried this couple times on my kid, did not work but seems I need to continue using it till she realizes meaning of 1-2-3.
Problem #1- I say 1-2-3 - done, she did not care, now what, I forcefully carry her, dress her up and take out. Forcing her to dressup is very very difficult at that she as she resists and hit back. Specially in winters with so many clothes etc on plus kids stuff ( diaper bag).
#2 - I tell her, do not scream at the lungs if you need anything. Please ask nicely. Using you words.. No I will scream, I want to scream.
Ok then you will get slap, NO I will slap you.
Ok, You will not get xyz thing, Louder scream...

People say, talk positively like do not use much "NO"s or negativity but how can you but with her age, its never conversation. Its she demands, I cater or not cater. I try to reason, I am not heard.

mohnisha · Mar 20, 2017

Hi,

I have 3.5 year old kid and I just tell here what tricks worked out for me.. Appreciate her regularly for her acts even if it's small one. Picking up toys is a never ending task and I 'll ask her to help me. Sometimes she picks one ,two and run away and sometimes never. But for each time if I clap for her and tell her what a good girl she is she does it more energetically. Believe me they are more clever at picking up our moods. If we raise our voice they 'll cry, scream. Many times happened with us. If she doesn't throw any tantrums after shopping /park, I 'll tell her daddy in front of her like she behaved well and he 'll praise her. She 'll be excited at that. And reverse psychology too sometimes works. Telling like she is a clever girl and never keep hands in dirt. So.. I'm not that much experienced and these are somethings which worked out with us. And as someone said, yes if kids are hungry, sleepy they 'll get cranky especially when we go out. After all .. this childhood period is gonna be short and we will surely miss them when they grow up. So in my opinion there is not a tried and tested manual for kid upbringing.. we have to figure out our own way. Happy parenting..

happygolucky22 · Mar 20, 2017

sanjuruby3 said: ↑

I read that 1-2-3 tip in a book and have seen people using it too. I tried this couple times on my kid, did not work but seems I need to continue using it till she realizes meaning of 1-2-3.
Problem #1- I say 1-2-3 - done, she did not care, now what, I forcefully carry her, dress her up and take out. Forcing her to dressup is very very difficult at that she as she resists and hit back. Specially in winters with so many clothes etc on plus kids stuff ( diaper bag).
#2 - I tell her, do not scream at the lungs if you need anything. Please ask nicely. Using you words.. No I will scream, I want to scream.
Ok then you will get slap, NO I will slap you.
Ok, You will not get xyz thing, Louder scream...

People say, talk positively like do not use much "NO"s or negativity but how can you but with her age, its never conversation. Its she demands, I cater or not cater. I try to reason, I am not heard.
Click to expand...

The countdown tip has to be done consistently every single time at all occasions until they get a hang of it and know you are serious and they have to wrap once the countdown ends. If you do it here and there sometimes and sometimes not then it will not work. Most of the scenarios can be tackled with this one. Also as pp said praise a lot and since you are seeing this issue please let her do for sometime as she wants. Like if she has cards all over the floor, ignore the mess and after sometime if you see she's not actually playing with them then start the countdown thing that in x minutes we will be all done and mommy will pack these up. Better yet wrap everything up at the end of the day or during her nap time or in the evening before your hubby comes. Too much interference can just be like a tug of war. Choose your peace over trying to control her.Also try to engage yourself in things other than your toddler. Try to focus on something else and do your thing while she does hers.

Instead of saying No distract her with something else. Like if she is trying to put something in her mouth then distract like hey see what momma has here.. come come see wow etc.. and have a look be excited then hide that thing she originally was holding. Saying No everytime will cause more frustration and she will think mom is no fun at all. I know handling a toddler is not easy at all but good luck dear.. Try to be calm and peaceful. Hugs!

sanjuruby3 · Mar 21, 2017

thanks girl. It is really exhausting and at the end of day I feel like I did 3- 4 hrs of gyming. I literally remain energy less that too when we live in small space.
I do not control her all the time and do not force to pick up toys or even request. Once in 10 days, I try if she will help me to put good habit.. can u help mamma picking toys off the floor? You are a good girl... I get NO.
And distracting her has stopped working long ago. She never forgets :-(((. But I just hope I will survive this phase.

I remember at home, as kids, we were scared of dad and as soon as dad enters, mom would start complaining. We hardly were scared of mom and use to fight her all the time. Same thing I did not want eith my LO.