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Husband Is Very Short Tempered

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by avantikaarora, Feb 21, 2017.

  1. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    OK. So you've tried the usual stuff and it didn't work. Now try this. Take away his power by not reacting to what he says but responding to how he says it. If he has lost his temper, without thing in a word of what he says, firmly but calmly state, " there! You've lost your temper again. Calm down and perhaos we can discuss it." Turn and walk away to do something that pleases you. Don't feel humiliated or upset. He is the one behaving badly - disengage from him.

    Don't show any reaction other than mild annoyance/ amusement. Like hat he says and does is of no consequence to you. Quite the way you'd treat a toddler tantrum. Moving away and enjoying yourself is vital. Then remain calm and normal and don't refer to his outburst and at all.

    Don't sequester yourself and the kids away because of his behaviour. Do fun things with or without him. Like his tantrums don't matter. Do it consistently for a few months. The disregard and lack of drama should do the trick.
     
    Laks09, GoneGirl and Shreema86 like this.
  2. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    If the verbal abuse goes up a notch to physical abuse because of the various taunting bahaviors suggested in #22, there has to be a downside for the husband, or else, it is not a clever thing to do. The husband has already demonstrated that he can behave well (at work) when there are downsides to tantrums.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 23, 2017
  3. Rajeni

    Rajeni Moderator Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear OP,
    12 years is a long period and he must have become very used to his controlling you now. Simply took you for granted. I understand you fought back and tried talking sense to him in all possible languages, but what matters to him is to prove his importance in public.
    I have seen this type. One of the root cause may be Inferiority complex. The inferior feeling deep inside might push him to prove him superior every now and then to assure himself (and yes he needs an audience). Do you used to get more attention and respect among family and friends? In the case I have seen, the woman is sensible and soft-spoken and liked by most people and though that does not mean that the husband is inferior, the man, instead of encouraging or appreciating her qualities, always thought she is overshadowing her and she get the same public treatment.

    How old is your child? This his behaviour would also affect your child's emotions. It might not be visible now but he/she is watching. If its a boy, there are chances he will pick up his habit and if its a girl, it would affect her confidence.

    Before contemplating seperation, try @guesshoo 's suggestions and observe the changes. Also, calmly but persistently push him for counselling. Expert help would definitely help.

    Are you working? Try becoming financially independent, if not.
     
    madras2018 likes this.
  4. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    @op nothing much u can do sorry to say .. I know cases like this .. it's their behaviors that's it .. they never change unless they sincerely try to avoid it .. when ur husband doesn't feel apology he will not change his behavior.. from my exp what I saw is few husbands will shout at wife's like this to show everybody that how much command and control he has on his family say wife r kids .. they do it to show up they never mind what others feel .. they feel it's a great thing ..

    Sorry op I don't have any suggestion for you but it's tough thing to deal .. if ur husband is loving other than shouting and a caring good father try to ignore it ..
     
  5. Gandharva

    Gandharva New IL'ite

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    A huge hug to you and no specific advise to give. As someone told, just take the kid alone for parties and get togethers as the kid should not be deprived of socialising with other people. It is more important for the kid because he needs to look and learn from people around and he just can't grow up only observing his dad acting in this manner.

    may be a prolonged dismissal from group meeting and parties might eventually make your husband realize that it is important to keep his cool in a gathering and being angry at your dear ones just make him look fool.
     

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