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Feeling Down....is Marriage Really Needed For A Woman

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Bestmom, Mar 2, 2017.

  1. Bestmom

    Bestmom Silver IL'ite

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    Yes I have separate account which was created before marriage. He is good nature, introvert type, never look at gals..takes us out in the weekend, I have good memories roaming outside the country while we were in onsite...but telling abt the negative pt..even for small matter gng hyper..self centered, even if I go sick he will never enter kitchen.. Most of the times in laptop, gadgets..least he wud help me in taking care of kids..I got fed up fighting for it..nowadays I keep least expectations but when u see other husband.. I really feel jealous.. Less emotional talks or attachment.. Never express his love...
     
  2. Cantdecide

    Cantdecide Silver IL'ite

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    There are always options - it may just not be one that he likes. As you've said your parents are also willing to help support you. It's important to start building a path to independence so that you have more options in the future. But now, if you don't want to move in with his parents, you don't need to. He cannot physically keep you there - if you go, it is by your own choice and I don't think you want to make that choice.

    What is your schooling / education background? If you work, what kind of field would you want to work in?
     
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  3. Bestmom

    Bestmom Silver IL'ite

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    I have done engineering and did pgdhrm through distance.. But he does not like sending kids to creche..tats y never allowed me to work..
     
  4. Cantdecide

    Cantdecide Silver IL'ite

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    Oh that is a very useful field. It's great you have that background. You may need to reenter the workforce to gain some independence and life outside of your marriage, He doesn't like sending the kids away, well you don't like living with your in laws - so why does it only matter what he likes? If you want to work you work, if he doesn't like it he will just need to adjust,
     
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  5. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Op, when i read such posts the first thing that comes to mind when i read posts like yours is why this was not tackled in the initial stages itself . Especially regarding the yelling and short tempered part. I grew up with short tempered parents and i get very nervous when people start speaking in loud voices to me.. thankfully my husband doesnt ever do that but professionally i have had to work under such people and it was soul sucking and spirit crushing. Marriage is one relationship where you should feel safe and secure, not live in fear and where your choices should be listened to..
    Anywayz coming to practicality, is there anything you are good at , like cooking, baking or stitching or taking tuitions. You might have a 10 year gap but you dint spend that time doing nothing. It might be daunting but start looking for jobs, ask people ,. You will find something for sure. Start acting deaf when your husband talks about moving. Pretend you cant hear that..
     
  6. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    You are over stressed because of the shouting. Why does he want to move in with his parents? Financial constraints or what? These are not issues for which you should lose hope. Face problems, don't run away from them. There is no use of such thinking. Separation is not the solution for everything. It is very common for men to feel that they are overloaded if they think spouse is not contributing to the household as much as them. Unfortunately in the current setup, unless spouse looks physically appealing and has a strong career, men always feel that they are not being supported. If the financial constraints are there, then it is worse. Very sad situation, but don't give up hope. As someone mentioned here, if he shouts, just leave from the scene. Don't get into situations that make him angry. Separating can happen in an instant but getting together again won't happen that easily. My kids too feel the heat now, so I am trying not to get into such situations, still career-wise I am not doing good at all recently, that is adding to my unfortunate situation. Being weak is not really good - no one will care for us if we don't for ourselves.
     
  7. Bestmom

    Bestmom Silver IL'ite

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    We normally stay for 2 yrs in a city.. And couple of onsite..I got job offer when my elder was 4 yrs but then due to onsite I happen to deny it..even now am confident
    Tat I will get job but the salary will be entry level.. I still love him and want to explore more places with him..but he takes life complicated.. Getting tensed for small matter..initially I used to think mistake is my part..slowly I started to ignore as I cud not change him..now am totally irritated
     
  8. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    OP,
    is it possible for you to work at some day care center so that you can earn money and send your second kid to same day care. Once ur H sees some money and not-so-stressful job of yours, he might feel confident of your decision. I personally know of a friend who did the same and eventually she started her own day care center.
    Since your kid is 10yrs, I believe its time to stop changing cities and stay constant at a place for the mental and physical development of kids. So, if you feel the place where you are staying now has good prospective, stay put and DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO ACHIEVE THIS.
     
  9. Bestmom

    Bestmom Silver IL'ite

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    True Yogirl, even am exhausted and am very well settled here and I feel like a heaven..
    I shud try some work from home jobs or part time..as he is strictly against sending to day care..let's see..wat will happen.. But am talking less n general matters to avoid conflicts..
     

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