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A Vent Out

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Lonely12, Feb 27, 2017.

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  1. Feb 28, 2017 #11
    SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    im sry you are in similar situation. As Lonely12 mentioned, i also used to think, may be my marriage would be better if it was love marriage, but well i guess some marriages are difficult no matter love or arranged

    You can PM me if you want someone to listen.
     
    SadMarried, Feb 28, 2017
    SadMarried, Feb 28, 2017
    #11
  2. Feb 28, 2017 #12
    penpaal

    penpaal Gold IL'ite

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    Dear I feel many of the husband and wife are going through same drama ... As you told you guys are perfect couple for the society they are too.. I think after first few years of marriage everyone learn to act well...

    Did you guys try counseling ? Weekend retreats ? Weekend outings ?

    Something like this? It may bring some change .. making men realise there is a" problem " is a big task.. they always feel everything is normal !!! You are not alone in this journey ..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 28, 2017
    penpaal, Feb 28, 2017
    penpaal, Feb 28, 2017
    #12
  3. Feb 28, 2017 #13
    Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    Yes, very true.. we just learn to act well after few years! Infact I have been through several stages before I reached here.
    Stage 1 - Am I doing something wrong?
    Am I not attractive enough?
    Is he having an affair?

    Stage 2 - I think he is upset because of family fights.. parents issue

    Stage 3 - Might be he likes kinky

    Stage 4 - I am not losing my self respect. I don't want it anymore. I can manage alone.

    Stage 5 - I don't care (This is the toughest of all. Your mind says don't talk, don't humiliate yourself again.. yet again your heart says - things might change)

    Stage 6 - Nothing in this world will change anything. But atleast he can be affectionate and caring?? How can he have so many flaws yet be so egoistic!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 28, 2017
    Lonely12, Feb 28, 2017
    Lonely12, Feb 28, 2017
    #13
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  4. Feb 28, 2017 #14
    Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    Also, I haven't tried counseling so far because I am almost 99.99% sure he is asexual. So they can't change that. I am not sure if someone's advise would turn a person into a caring and affectionate person. It should come from within. I am clearly on a sinking boat.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 28, 2017
    Lonely12, Feb 28, 2017
    Lonely12, Feb 28, 2017
    #14
  5. Feb 28, 2017 #15
    shri0218

    shri0218 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi dear,

    Very sorry that you are going through this. I know you must have done this but have you tried talking him heart to heart? Not just the general stuff but that what you expect from him and the marriage? Like you said even if he is asexual though sex is an important part it doesn't stop him from being caring/affectionate.
    Try telling him how you feel may be he is absolutely clueless! Some men are like that thinking everything is fine. It is very normal for you to get jealous or upset but it is unhealthy to keep all that anger bottled up.
    But one thing..when both spouses are working and are busy in today's world life does get mechanical. It is upto us to bring in little joys. Did something happen that he has changed this way? Please consider counseling professional help sometimes makes a big difference.
     
    shri0218, Feb 28, 2017
    shri0218, Feb 28, 2017
    #15
  6. Feb 28, 2017 #16
    Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    I have tried to explain my best and even asked him openly. I never got straight answers and I understand why. We had our ups and downs as a family. But no recent show stopper fights, not atleast in the past 4 years. But I never feel the love. I cannot beg. I try to be nice. But it does not work for long as he is always cold.
     
    Lonely12, Feb 28, 2017
    Lonely12, Feb 28, 2017
    #16
  7. Feb 28, 2017 #17
    shri0218

    shri0218 Silver IL'ite

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    Oh:( but is he even aware that you are feeling this way??
     
    shri0218, Feb 28, 2017
    shri0218, Feb 28, 2017
    #17
  8. Feb 28, 2017 #18
    Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    He knows I am sad. But he won't ask me why even once. He would go sit in another room and continue his work in laptop.
     
    Lonely12, Feb 28, 2017
    Lonely12, Feb 28, 2017
    #18
  9. Feb 28, 2017 #19
    shri0218

    shri0218 Silver IL'ite

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    He def seems indifferent and again as I said before counseling may help. How long can you keep suffering like this?
     
    shri0218, Feb 28, 2017
    shri0218, Feb 28, 2017
    #19
  10. Feb 28, 2017 #20
    Lonely12

    Lonely12 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you for the support Shri0218.. I will think about counseling as well.
     
    Lonely12, Feb 28, 2017
    Lonely12, Feb 28, 2017
    #20
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