1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Is My Bil Cheating On Pils

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by SGBV, Feb 27, 2017.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,952
    Likes Received:
    11,414
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    My MIL, MOM and several known women in our circle have recently underwent cataract surgery in their eye(s) in 2017.
    All of them got themselves treated in the same hospital, under the supervision of same surgeon around the same period.

    In January MIL underwent this surgery and her last son from UK financially sponsored for it. Her other son (BIL 1) took over all the responsibilities of taking MIL for the consultation, surgery and post surgery process thus he did take care of the payments.
    According to MIL, the surgery cost was 3 times bigger than what it costs for my mom.
    Since I was with mom during the whole process, I knew what I have spent, and what others have spent, and what is generally charged in the hospital.
    The other women were my aunts (Mom's bro's wife, Dad's sister, and mom's friend).
    All (including MIL) are of same age group, with similar medical conditions too (That means, no diabetes, no BP cases)

    When revealing this amount, MIL suggested us never to share the bill amount with others, since it was a special rate given to BIL 1, since he works in the same hospital.
    The bills are apparently with him, since he doesn't wanna leave that with PILs, suspecting whether they could share them with others, and it might become as a problem to his profession. He claims, the hospital has largely reduced the amount for him... So, they are not to be shared with others.
    He doesn't even know whether we know the amount either.
    But FIL confirmed what MIL said and also gave us reasons like latest tax fluctuation and Govt rules etc in a believable manner. Apparently BIL1 might have told him.

    Relatively MIL's recovery process was very slow compared to Mom and others, and she was asked to rest for a longer period.
    I heard only those who chose low quality lenses are advised to take long resting periods like 1 month or so.
    If it is so, I believe MIL has been cheated by her own son.
    Whatever BIL 2 from UK has sent should have been given to PILs regardless of the surgery cost. But BIL 1 has claimed the surgery cost was so high (3 times than what we spent); thus taken all the money into his possession.

    My PILs, BIL2 and my H are all so naive when it comes to worldly matters. Although they are cunning, they don't know what is happening around them.
    BIL 1 is different and the head of all the cunningness, according to me.

    When they cheated me through my H on our joint bank balance, I still doubt whether my H or PILs have benefited anything out of them. But of course BIL 1 has completed his MD, and spent on his frequent India trip during that time.

    Not sure whether to alert my H or PILs or just leave it as it is. I prefer the latter, though I am angry on BIL1

    PS: H and PILs have no direct connection with other relative women who have done this surgery recently. So, they might think we have went for the lowest cost option should we give them any hint on the cost we have spent on mom's surgery.
     
    Loading...

  2. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,786
    Likes Received:
    7,303
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    It does sound dodgy but do stay out of it. The UK BIL could ask for the receipts but there's nothing you van do except be wise in every dealing you have with him. Quite a shame really
     
    yellowmango, SGBV and Roopamanju like this.
  3. MNR

    MNR Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    323
    Likes Received:
    363
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    At the best , you can casually inform your H about price differences(not as a complaint) and FIL's reasoning.
    Leave it your husband to deal the matter if he wishes.
     
    yellowmango and SGBV like this.
  4. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,344
    Likes Received:
    3,196
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    You are thinking a way too much. Just keep your accounts clear.
    You can slightly pass the matter to PIL that how come there was discount and special rate for them if cost was 3 times higher and rest longer. Mention nothing about quality of operation.
     
    Vedhavalli, sindmani and SGBV like this.
  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    4,191
    Likes Received:
    7,008
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Not your circus, not your monkeys.
     
    sbonigala, Laks09, Sunshine04 and 3 others like this.
  6. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,465
    Likes Received:
    2,179
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Is BiL-1 living with his parents ?
    If that be the case, he has two claims on the alleged extra charge:
    1. He deserves the fee for the leg-work, organizing, and tolerating a life with the older folks.
    2. Doctors always charge a fee for referrals. In the normal course, there might be kickbacks from the ophthalmic surgeon. In this case, there may have been other arrangements. (A kickback is when the ophthalmic surgeon pays some money back to the referring doctor, formally (taxable) or informally)​
    You have many options:
    1. You can expose the malfeasance, and get BIL-1 take himself off as your relative for ever.
    2. You can ignore the whole thing.
    3. You can find out more information, such as what the UK-funding source knows about this, what the actual costs are, and prepare squealing information for India Income Tax authorities. And think about whether or not you'd like a Tax raid on the household. "Getting the goods on in-laws" is always useful. :smilingimp:

    Don't take it , if BIL1 offers you a percentage.
     
    SGBV likes this.
  7. shri0218

    shri0218 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    90
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    As suggested by other people here better stay out of it. It is good to be "aware" of certain things going around you but addressing them is altogether a different thing.
     
  8. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    419
    Likes Received:
    384
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    If Bil1 is living with parents, then better to keep quiet as there would have been n number of times he had spent money for parents and never let you all know about it. If so it would be cheap of you to ask for accounts.

    If your relation with him is good then you could discuss about this with him in your husband's presence and act as if you don't know about his cheating. Don't let your husband also know that for your mom's operation cost was compariyoverly lesser. You will get to know the fact that whether bil2 was cheated or genuinely some costs were more.

    If his income is comparitevely very less than the NRI s, then better to remain silent about the whole affair and be thankful that you had atleast someone to take care of mom during surgery.
     
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,952
    Likes Received:
    11,414
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    This does sound fishy right?
    This is exactly what I needed here. I doubted, and was not sure whether my doubt was right or wrong. So, I just need a validation.

    As I said above in my OP, I have no plans to open this matter with anyone. I don't think it is right, or it make any sense.
    I am not ready to loose my respect and this hard earned peace with my PIL family for this.
    More so, I don't care what happens around them, unless anyone of them need my guidance or help.
    In that case, I may intervene and support the needy.

    As to clear some of your doubts...

    My BIL 1 doesn't live with his parents. He lives in a different city.
    In fact, we live with them - not in the same house, but in the neighboring house.
    My H's very plan of building our house in that area (despite of my fullest agreement) was to stay close to his parents, to support them physically and emotionally during their ripe age.
    BIL 1 used to visit there during weekends with his wife or alone, and helps them on health/medical matters since he is a doctor.
    BIL 2, who lives in the UK, and recently got married to a UK woman is the main sponsor to PILs family since beginning.
    FIL has his pension, and MIL has her retirement savings.
    BIL 1 has an idea of grabbing all the family's inheritance (Their house, land, jewels, furniture, money etc..) by being in the good books of them.
    It is a long story... To cut it short....
    We have rejected any inheritance from PILs and parents during our marriage mainly due to our personal policies, and as well the circumstance around our inter-religious love marriage.
    Earlier PILs were OK with that, but now after having very smooth relationship with us, MIL would often say her jewels (many of them) should go to her only grand DD (that is my DD). She even planned to gift DD a jewelry from her set during every birthdays.
    But this plan was somewhat changed, and we highly doubt BIL 1 behind it. So far, no jewelries have been gifted, and MIL's talk about her jewelries is also muted.

    Since BIL 1 used to visit PILs often, he used to take them on health check ups often, and BIL 2 is forced to shed pounds from UK every time. BIL 2 is too innocent to check on the spending.

    BIL 1 has a plan to start a dispensary in PILs house/land, thus he has brought his things and almost encroached PILs house. Right now PILs have only their room for themselves.
    BIL 1 claims, the house should be given to him, as he was the only child who followed parents and married as per their choice (Co-sis is MIL's niece only)
    But he hasn't spend any cents towards the construction of it.
    It was BIL 2 (60%) and my H (40%) spent on the house construction in 2006, and PILs have spent their own savings to furnish the house.

    BIL 1 has recently brought a very expensive car, and he had to sell co-sis jewels for that purchase. So, by default MIL has shared her jewels with co-sis since she couldn't go jewel- less to temples and outside as per BIL 1.
    Although these jewels were just shared and not gifted, I doubt whether MIL will be able to get them back.

    BIL 1 has tried his hand in so many matters in our lives before. Played double games until we decided to distance from him.

    Nevertheless, no one in my PIL family is too innocent except BIL 2. Thankfully his wife is cleaver and I am sure she will handle it all.
    So, I have no plans to get involved in their matters.

    Just a vent though
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2017
    skyinsc likes this.
  10. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    733
    Likes Received:
    961
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I would suggest stay out of the surgery expenses issue.

    Regarding your PIL's house, what is BIL2's take on it?
    Does he know about BIL1's plans to open a dispensary there?
    It is unfair that the costs were borne by you and BIL2, and you, and the house should go to BIL1 (assuming he is financiallly independent).

    Since BIL1 has already moved in with his things, you can not ask him to leave, without causing unpleasantness. Your DH and BIL2 could suggest BIL1 pay rent, if he wants to open a dispensary there. This will be easier to do if you have any outstanding loan on the house, as you can show that rent covers the loan amount.

    Of course, it also seems that this arrangement is uncomfortable for PILs. Are they okay with it? You can point it out to him, that the house is built for PILs to live comfortably in, and that a home may not be a good choice for opening a dispensary.

    Good luck!
     

Share This Page