At Loggerheads With In-laws Again

OP,

For my son's upanayanam, the Tamil version of the pathrikai was an invitation from FIL's oldest brother - for the upanayanam of his grand-nephew. He being the oldest surviving male, his name goes on every pathrikai. The other side of the pathrikai was in English, and was from in-laws and my parents (grandson of PIL / Parents). What we did here in the US was create our own invitation, printed it out at a Kinkos and mailed to all our friends here. We hardly have any friends left in Chennai (I have none as I am not from Chennai, husband's friends are also no longer based there). 99% of the guests for the function were relatives.

Coming to the menu - yes, We too heard the "you are from the US, you need to keep up a status" refrain, not only from PIL but also friends of PIL. DH asked them all a simple question "Is it more important that I show off with grandeur or spend some additional money to make sure the vedic rituals are done perfectly?" EVerybody was shocked to know we had a budget. The first caterer we looked into refused to even give us a quote. He was a suggestion by MIL's cousin bro. We asked for 2 months straight "an estimate at least" and the reply was always "don't worry, we will settle everything after the function" This was unacceptable, and we searched and found another caterer who not only gave us a detailed breakdown, he actually kept to the budget. PIL had added about 7 sweets for each meal (when almost everybody is diabetic!!) - why? Because everybody wanted a different sweet...everybody meaning neighbors etc. I went ahead of time, talked to the caterer and cut it down to 3. Told them we are going traditional. Food has to be typical south Indian. No fancy modern stuff.

Needless to say, PIL had hoped to conduct the function themselves, and not let my husband or I do it. I had suspected this from the day we decided that when he was 10 we were conducting. And I told my husband very clearly that they had their chance with him, and that my son being our only child, I would need to conduct it as WE saw fit. Luckily my husband and I had the same ideas - rituals were much more important than gifts and saris.

 

That's a lot of negativity. You should definitely cancel the function and the trip for now. Bcoz it would only make it worse. From your post, evrythng they have done / doing is bothering you and that's not a great way to start or celebrate a happy occassion. It's gona end with someone getting hurt. Mostly u. So give it sometime and plan.

N yes ur parents maybe no more, but they are equally important. Don't compromise on that and hurt urself forever.

Practical solution: hire an event organiser. They r very good. Me n my friend's use der service for even kids birthday parties. They can be on whatsapp constantly. They aren't overly expensive either. Just google them for your preferred city and read reviews n pick if no personal recommendation.
Positives abt this: ur in laws don't have to "suffer" for doing u a favour by running around n organising dis.
U can organise it the way u want, ur choice of city, hall, food, invites, anything. Good luck!