Is There Any Hope?

Please get help for depression.
Why are you not keen to get help?
That should be the first step.op ,show love to yourself and get help.
A depressed person is not easy to be around.
Some men /women do not understand post partum depression.
You are the one suffering the most,you take the step to get help

Please stop comparing yourself to other couples. They may not have what you have.Your husband seems like a decent person.Get help for depression and you may be able to understand your problems better.

The romance in marriage goes through ups and downs.You have a small child.The child very often becomes first priority for the couple. Romance very often suffers during this time.Enjoy every phase of your life....

Op your marriage seems like most marriages.

 

Hi Shravani,
First of all don't feel sad.You have a beautiful DS and believe me ,when he grows up you don't want to think that you missed nursing him or taking care of him because of the sour days in your married life.Yes this kind of behavior is quite common in marriages. [I am married (2yrs)only please correct me if I am wrong somewhere ] if I were in your place,I would have given him some space and don't set any time limit like 1-2 month etc..let him take time till he realises that you have your own life too and self respect.At this time try controlling your mind and senses.Gain confidence ..in YouTube,there are a lot of songs or videos regarding that.Try having your own time too..See we all are human beings and we as Indians are really pressurized in relationships esp in marriages so it's ok to take a break...By taking break I don't mean that you have to go far away from him.
1.First stop crying and pleading him(directly or indirectly)as he is the only corner in this world.
2.Dont ask him or discuss in phones/emails /messages why is he behaving like that etc etc..because this may seem nagging from ur side to him..
3.Dont tell him that you are giving him space just make him realize that you too have your own interests.
4.Find your interest.Gardening is a very good hobby and not only gardening can change You and your stress, but may be ur hubby gets noticed your another angle.You can develop interests in many fields.Nowadays it very reachable through internet.
5.Take your kid to new classes other than study like gymnastics,dance etc..if you know dance/singing you can start giving him some lessons...this may effect your husband's way of thinking towards you.
6.Don't show him that you are avoiding him,make him realize that you are self worth .Let him take any initiative.Give space...
7.Its ok to vent out but Don't keep on discussing the same thing with everyone.This makes you remembering the same thing again and again double,triple,quadruple times feeling the same pain and makes your heart loaded with grief.
8.Start grooming yourself.Go for shopping buy new clothes and try them with make up,if you find going out for facials is expensive ,you can buy cleanser,scrub,facial cream and face pack at once and do it at home.This saves a lot of money.There are videos on how to do facials,browse them and do that...and then if you have not tried any hair colors etc,try doing that.This way you feel better and beautiful from inside...all this may take some time but believe me he will be back to the pavilion ...

I am really sorry if I am wrong somewhere....I tried helping out by stepping into your shoes.

 

There is no such thing as a perfect couple. What you see is not everything. Why don't you want to go to counseling? Especially when you are clinically diagnosed for your own well being and your family's - do it. Acknowledging that you have a problem is the first step to a solution.
Did something happen between you two that he has changed this way? You say yours is a love marriage and he is also reserved..so don't understand it. I know you are busy with the kid but try to develop a hobby or atleast have some alone me time will make things better. This is no reason for you to think abt ending your life!! Your husband overall seems like a decent person and may be it's just a phase. Cheer up!

 

you are having a low phase and you are clinging to your husband for emotional support. unfortunately he seems to be a practical and less emotional person. he can probably try to be more understanding for you , but many men are wired like this , they don't want to hear problems or emotional rants from their wives . the more you cry, the further they run. read men are from mars , women are from Venus , this is a very insightful book.

you have got to be your own lifeguard here op , its not going to work any other way. pick yourself up piece by piece . find friends , new mothers around you , talking to them might help as they are in the same boat and also women are generally more empathic by nature , and do not mind emotional talks. exercise, meditate , read self help books. seek professional help if you are really low.

men and women are wired very differently . if I cry and vent out in front of my girl friends , I can expect that they will immediately say the right things to make me feel better , and actually "listen " to me . can't expect same from husband , he will start giving practical suggestions to what ever problem there is , and then think his part is done, problem solved ( I dare not bring that same problem again). this is my experience , maybe there are husbands out there who have the patience and the right skills to handle an upset woman .

cheer up, you have so many good things in life , don't worry too much , chill.

 

Hi OP, Its been a while that I have posted something here. but when I read your I had to. I was in the same shoes as your a year ago. Exactly the same. I was married for 8 years when I had my baby. Love marriage. Great married life and a wonderful baby. But things went to a toss when I lost my job. I was all alone for more than 10 hours with an infant. No one to talk and honestly NO friends. I was so frustrated, I would pick up fight with my husband for anything . I spoke to my doctor went for counselling and I could see difference in a few months. Also, try going out with your LO. like a Gymboree, library. sitting in a home with nothing to do will make you more depressed. Talk to your friends. IT will help you. hope you feel better.

 

OP, hugs to you. Dont worry much about dh. He appears to be 'normal'. Most of the men dont understand the emotional needs of their women well. If you want to hug him do it. He may be feeling helpless as he cannot understand your inner thoughts well especially in this condition. You said that 'He is good with kid, helps around the housework' that itself shows that he care and love you. These negative thoughts may be due to your physically and mentally weak condition. Everything will be OK once you became healthy. Please stop comparing your life with others. Please focus on yourself, your blessings...

Did your doctor suggest any counselling as you are diagnosed with postpartum moderate depression? If so PLEASE GO FOR IT (Nothing to be ashamed of.. many women face postpartum blues ). You will meet other people and it will provide some diversion. It will definitely help you and help your husband to better understand your needs and this condition( you said " I expect my husband to understand me with this depression of mine, but he thinks there is no thing as depression. He thinks I am acting foul to get his attention."). PLEASE GO FOR IT.

Also you 3 try to go out every day even for a 10 minute walk, that will give you a feeling of us and some relaxation. Even for a normal person, sitting alone in home and taking care of the baby is highly depressing. So please find time to talk to your family, friends, listen to music, watch some positive things( if like comedy or talk shows) etc to relax your mind. Try to spend some time if you can with dh every day hugging/cuddling (just for you).. Keep loving you, your baby and your dh. Eat/drink well,take care of your health. You will be OK, This will pass.

 

When did his behavior start changing? If you guys have been married for four years, when did his affection change? Is it after the baby or before? Please try to get help for your depression so that you can feel better in that area.

 

this is just a phase..trust me this will pass soon..u need help for depression get that first..

 

Many times, circumstances, unreasonable spouses and nasty inlaws create troubles. But in your case, Your DH seems like a decent man, you seem to have a decent marriage and a lovely kid. The issue is that you are unable to appreciate it. I am no doctor, but it looks like your depression is the reason that you can't appreciate the good things you have in life. So you cling on to your DH hoping he will save you, but there is only so much clinging, whining and crying, a person can take. The only way out, is to get counselling, which you refuse to accept. Even God only helps those who help themselves. Your DH is a human being. I have given this advice to many people in the past, I repeat it for you too- Your happiness is in no one's hands, except yours' It comes from within you, not from outside. Get the help you need. for your sake, your family' sake.