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Child With Autism

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by chanchitra, Feb 22, 2017.

  1. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Sorry, laks 09
     
  2. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Can you make a conscious effort to do the following. I think it applies to all people with kids but it's especially important for sped parents -
    1) Take a mini break from autism daily. Find one thing to do that recharges you and gives you a mental break. I do multiple things - reading, running, yoga, shopping even if I don't buy anything I'm at the mall looking at everything.

    2) Take time off from parenting to do things as a couple. I've started planning date nights and it really helps. We have a rule that the kids and autism won't come up. We don't bring up any stressful topics. We have so many things that we now talk to each other about and that helps us. I've been told time and again that it's an American concept that we don't need this but trust me, it's good.
    Now, if I don't plan something for a few weeks my DH asks for a date night. Maybe the stresses of having a special needs child is getting to both of you. Maybe this will help ease some of the stress. Even if it's for a walk or a cup of coffee, take that time out for each other. Before you had kids, you probably spoke about a lot of things. Get to that place with each other even though it's only for a few minutes.

    In time, I hope you can help him get out of this pattern of behavior. Sometimes pleading and asking and fighting might not work. Try putting all differences aside and see if something clicks. You can both then direct your anger at autism, where it belongs.

    I don't either. When a child doesn't do well, mom is at fault. When she does well, then mom has zero credit. Best to ignore and stop giving these negative people the power over us. Ignore them and don't give them the importance to even worry about what they say.

    On really tough days, I just have to look at how far he has come to assure myself that I'm doing ok. Look how far she has come. Plan for what you want her to do in the next five years and work towards accomplishing that goal. I'm glad you are getting aba, ot and speech. That helps a lot.

    Good luck! Stay positive and stay strong.
     
    sindmani, Sandhya13, SGBV and 4 others like this.
  3. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    PM @IL_Admin for that. If you haven't posted much, just create a new id.
     
  4. blessings1010

    blessings1010 Gold IL'ite

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    OP, You are already doing so many therapies for your daughter. Kudos to you.

    Like @Laks09 mentioned, You need to take breaks every now and then for yourself and for your daughter, to refresh and get back to her. she needs happy and cheerful mommy when she is getting independent with the therapies. Children anyway take lot of energy so even when husband/ his family does not support or recognize it, your girl needs to see happiness in you. It is difficult said than done when you have demanding days. But take breaks, share happy moments with your daughter, especially if there is a pattern to husband's crankiness. If after office hours are difficult for him, create a schedule with her that will keep her a bit far away from stress. Men tend to react differently when they feel helpless. But if the behavior is downright rude and mean towards you or daughter, a 3rd party intervention is a must. The earlier to get to solve it, the easier it will be for you and him.

    I am not sure if you have looked into Sun Rise Program and nutritional therapy- Gluten free casein free (GFCF) diet.
    Keep your motivation level up by reading/ viewing other people's stories. At times, they help to pick us up from not so good moods. Some links that might be interesting to you
    Help and Support - Autism Support Services for The Son-Rise Program



    Hang in there sweetheart. Family members who do not see the value of their kid, will need a lot of growing up to do. They are losing out on the valuable emotional connection and learning from your daughter. We grown ups think how we live is the only way to live. But if we exhibit even an ounce of self less love, compassion and pure energy that kids on autism spectrum possess, a world will be a better place. Until then, it will be wise to accept that family members will take a long time to change. Until then, continue doing what you do. Until then, come here or talk with friends, vent out. Until then, tell your self it is ok to vent out or get angry. Until then, take very good care of yourself ( more emotionally than just physically), and pray everyday that one day things will turn around for better.

    I did come across a book called " Miracle to Believe In" about 7-8 years back when I was helping a boy with son rise program. That book was an eye opener for many of his family members. There only his mom was running the program along with so many other therapies without much support from husband or anyone in the family. She joined a local mom's groups nearby and that was a big big emotional support for her. She worked with a lot of volunteers too in her son's recovery. He is doing much better these days. Not sure if your family will take time to read through it. But do you want to give it a try?
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2017
    sindmani and chanchitra like this.
  5. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes.we have been on vacations. But after we come back, he starts again.
    I will try to follow your suggestions.
     
  6. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    [Thank you for your suggestions. I Will try to read the book. .
    QUOTE="blessings1010, post: 3945020, member: 459413"]OP, You are already doing so many therapies for your daughter. Kudos to you.

    Like @Laks09 mentioned, You need to take breaks every now and then for yourself and for your daughter, to refresh and get back to her. she needs happy and cheerful mommy when she is getting independent with the therapies. Children anyway take lot of energy so even when husband/ his family does not support or recognize it, your girl needs to see happiness in you. It is difficult said than done when you have demanding days. But take breaks, share happy moments with your daughter, especially if there is a pattern to husband's crankiness. If after office hours are difficult for him, create a schedule with her that will keep her a bit far away from stress. Men tend to react differently when they feel helpless. But if the behavior is downright rude and mean towards you or daughter, a 3rd party intervention is a must. The earlier to get to solve it, the easier it will be for you and him.

    I am not sure if you have looked into Sun Rise Program and nutritional therapy- Gluten free casein free (GFCF) diet.
    Keep your motivation level up by reading/ viewing other people's stories. At times, they help to pick us up from not so good moods. Some links that might be interesting to you
    Help and Support - Autism Support Services for The Son-Rise Program



    Hang in there sweetheart. Family members who do not see the value of their kid, will need a lot of growing up to do. They are losing out on the valuable emotional connection and learning from your daughter. We grown ups think how we live is the only way to live. But if we exhibit even an ounce of self less love, compassion and pure energy that kids on autism spectrum possess, a world will be a better place. Until then, it will be wise to accept that family members will take a long time to change. Until then, continue doing what you do. Until then, come here or talk with friends, vent out. Until then, tell your self it is ok to vent out or get angry. Until then, take very good care of yourself ( more emotionally than just physically), and pray everyday that one day things will turn around for better.

    I did come across a book called " Miracle to Believe In" about 7-8 years back when I was helping a boy with son rise program. That book was an eye opener for many of his family members. There only his mom was running the program along with so many other therapies without much support from husband or anyone in the family. She joined a local mom's groups nearby and that was a big big emotional support for her. She worked with a lot of volunteers too in her son's recovery. He is doing much better these days. Not sure if your family will take time to read through it. But do you want to give it a try?[/QUOTE]
     
    sindmani likes this.
  7. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    Hugs to you op. I can only keep u and ur daughter in prayers. I know as a mother you are doing thr best you can for your daughter.
    I just have one suggestion- as your daughter grows, pls don't show sympathy for her nor let anyone sympathize with her. Treat her like a normal girl as much as possible and teach her to never be self pity at herself.
    Give her all the support.

    About your husband, he seems insensitive a bit towards your feelings. Give him a silent treatment whenever he abuses you. Don't do his work-ironing clothes or serving food etc for few days.

    When he ask you why you are behaving so, say that unless he is willing to sit and sort out issues between you both, you are not gonna talk to him.
     
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  8. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    I treat her as a normal girl.
    I will try to take in your suggestion's.
     
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  9. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    One of my neighbors and acquaintance's son had autism. He was around 5 years when I first saw him. At first he was showing all signs of autism. Then she took him to a special needs school and I could see drastic improvement in him. Now nobody can say he has autism at first glance. He behaves like a normal kid to a good extent. I hope you are doing that already. Don't lose hope and don't reduce your intimacy because of the verbal abuse, that won't stop. Just don't take it to your head and be brave. Never use intimacy as a tool to get back, it will backfire and make your situation worse. Try to seek help, bring your parents if possible.
     
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  10. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. I have done lots for my kid.am very proud of it.
    Last week I was sick with vomiting and ggiddinesscould not even stand. He didn't bother to take care of me.He just went to his work.I had to call him and ask him to come soon to pick the kid from bus.
    What kind of husband and father he is.
     
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