At Loggerheads With In-laws Again

Hi,
Please don't call off the event........ Your son need the blessing of elders......

In South, it is the culture to put the name of elders of the family, as the inviters...... If your fil has a elder brother, his name would be in the invitation as the primary inviter...... So it's a culture practiced, don't mistook it....

If you want to organize a party in your way, do this in where you live..... Finish the traditional method in India and thru a party to your friends and colleagues in USA or the place where you live......

Don't stress yourself..... Be happy....

 

Hi Candidheart,

I feel your pain. Are they not even considering adding your parents name as with blessings from so and so? That is indeed tough to digest. Being the dad of a son, your husband will never know what it feels like to be treated like this.

I dont know if it is an accepted custom in your side, i have seen people place a photo of parents that are no more near puja and seek their blessings in functions, can you do that?

I appreciate you letting go of this issue for your son, and being the bigger person. Try to forget this episode, enjoy the time with your relatives / friends and make it a memorable one for your son.

 

Then let it go op.
If it hurts you,tell husband to take care of things .
Let this on pass.

We keep the pictures of elders who have passed away in the puja along with idols.

If you people have such a custom ,you can keep the picture of your parents in the puja on one side .You can ask your son to pray with you and ask for their blessings before you leave for India.You will feel less bitter and can take part in the function with no bitterness.


This way your child will always remember his nana Nani.

 

I meant in the puja room of your own house.

 

I'm all for traditions, and the usual invitation (the Tamil one) for these events in our community goes out in the name of the eldest male relative on the husband's side. What I find offensive is how the in-laws seem to talk about OP's parents. They are now deceased. Would the earth come to a screeching halt if they were acknowledged in some way on this important occasion?

 

candidheart, i have been there, the resentment will eat you. Slowly you have to let go. It is good you are sharing here.
Do let your husband know that you are sad that at the way your parents are being treated. No need to do anything about, but let him know that it pains you. This is not to make him guilty , not to get things done your way, but to let him know that you are sad , and it pains that your parents are not around to bless your son.

As some solace, can you carry the picture of your parents with you to India? On the day of function, atleast you can place them in the room you stay and just offer flowers and your son can take their blessings once again. If you cant, take picture on your phone and go. A small act will help you feel some peace.

Just my humble opinion, Grandparent's blessings and well wishes will always be there for the kids. The act of seeking blessing is to instill that bond between the child and the grand parent.

My kids will always seek the blessing of my late father-in-law on every special occasion. It is my firm belief that late grandparents will lookout for the grand children. And I want my kids to feel that, your grand parents / parents will always be there for you even when they/we are no more.