Problems With Myself And My Dad

Hello! I'm an Indian girl of age 21. I live in Maharashtra. I'm doing M.A in English currently. I live with my father only at home, I don't know my mom because my parents got divorced when I was a baby so I've never spoken to or seen my mother, nor has she bothered to make any contact. I used to have my grandma but she died 5 yrs ago so now it's just me and my Dad. For the past 4 yrs I have been having some issues with myself and my father. I used to feel very sad for my Dad because after he got divorced from my Mom, he married twice. But both the times he got divorced. So I used to think my father is a very good man but was betrayed by all 3 women in his life, I mean my mother and the other 2 women from his last 2 marriages. But now I have discovered just how difficult it is to live with my father and now I feel that the real fault lies with my Dad. No wonder he got married 3 times and all 3 women left him eventually. Each of those women are happily married now. I never understood this truth as a child because for every child her father is a hero. But now that I have grown up and started to understand things about my father, I find that he is a very selfish and a cunning man. He only looks out for his own selfish ends and never understands me. For eg. he has a severe anger displacement problem, he removes all the frustration of his work out on me. But if I do that he screams and shouts at me.
He never talks to me about anything except his worklife. I have to listen to him all day as he keeps talking about his new business and the future prospects to expand his small catering business. But he will never ask me how my day was at college or how I'm feeling. When he finishes whining and complaining about his work, he tells me to get out of his room as he is feeling tired and sleepy. He never reciprocates by asking me how things are going on with me. When I complain to him about that he angrily says that I don't take any interest in his work affairs and that he would never talk to me about it again. It is never my intention to hurt his feelings but he makes it look like I'm selfish and interested in only my affairs. I return talking and apologising to him only to be insulted by him all over again. Whenever he talks about me, he only finds faults in me. He is always criticising me endlessly and he always discourages me by saying that after he drops dead, I will not be able to live alone in this world. The truth is that without my father I have absolutely no family member or relative. My mother abandoned me years ago and I have no contact with her or her family. In fact she is already married to another man and looks after his 2 girls who are actually my mother's step-daughters. My daddy knows this very well so he is always discouraging me and demotivating me. He says that I'm good for nothing and after he dies, I'll never be able to survive on my own without him. The truth is that I'm 21 yrs old so I can move out of my Father's house and live alone as well. But I'm very emotionally dependent on him. I feel very scared that I will go into severe depression because of loneliness. I have no money or a job to live on my own because I'm still a student finishing her post graduation. I'm financially and economically dependent on my dad. Since I'm the only child I have no brother or sister to give me guidance. My father knows this fact very well so he always uses it against me, he is always trampling down on my self-respect. His idea of fun is making fun of me, he is always laughing at my mistakes and mocking me. He only uses me to entertain himself. I'm not good at housework and cooking either, due to this I'm very afraid of getting married. My father leaves me alone at home all day. If I have college for few hours, I feel good as I can be away from my house but during holidays I have to stay alone at home all day. I feel very lonely and lost. I have very low self-esteem and I suffer from insecurity. I have no friends I can talk to. I have a few classmates in college but most of them are married so they don't mix around with me much. I think I'm already suffering from mild depression because I just don't have the heart or the enthusiasm to do anything. I have become very lazy to even take bath or keep myself clean. At my age, all young girls love to dress up and keep themselves fashionable and good-looking but I don't find the will or the energy to do so to myself. My dad grew up in a very poor cheap locality in Mumbai that's why he never got a chance at education. He has no toilet manners and due to the fact that he is a tobacco addict, he always spits his tobacco out on the toilet seat and does not even bother to pour water. His language is also very disgusting because in every small arguement or fight he is habituated to use foul words and he is a compulsive Mc/Bc word user. He is very uneducated and has simply done odd jobs all his life. That's why I can never tell him about my depression. He would never spend a penny to send me to a guidance counsellor. My father has made me a bank account in my name but I still have to ask him for money. As an Arts student I love reading novels but my father always frowns when I ask him for money to buy novels. He is even unwilling to buy me my college books. He is extremely stingy like my grandmother was when she was alive. He has started a small new business recently and it's not very profitable as my dad always keeps complaining and whining about his business to me. Due to being low on cash, my dad is never happy on giving me money to buy new clothes. He hands me the money but makes such horrible faces, maintains such cold stern silence that I feel ashamed in asking.
Over all I want to be free from the toxic, twisted relationship with my Dad who has started to see me as a burden. But I'm fearful about living alone because I don't even know the important worldly matters.I don't even know how to change the gas/cooking cylinder. When he and I are fighting, he deliberately screams and shouts out abusing me very badly and points out my flaws loudly for all our neighbours to hear everything. Whenever I appreciate my father for his cooking skills and his hardworking efficient nature, he always reminds me how poor I'm at cooking compared to him and how much I need to learn from him. He never fails to remind me how inefficient I am in his comparison. He never fails to insult me and I'm tired of it. I don't have anyone to speak to as I live in a very selfish reserved neighborhood. In our building every family is concerned only with their own house matters so I don't want to approach anyone there and feel unwanted in return. What should I do???