Always Feel Like There Is No Value For The Sacrifices Am Ready To Make.

OP, if no one care about your sacrifices why you are thinking about more.. you are a good daughter... but stop being so emotional... relax.... use your brain. You need to realize the truth that nobody wants your sacrifice. So just ask yourself what do you want in your life. If you want to succeed only YOU CAN DO IT. You changed your decision about marriage.. so focus your attention on that... you can take care of your parents even when you are married. So devote your time to build a life for you . I think once you are settled. your parents will be more relaxed.

Stop talking and helping your brother. If he wants something he will come to you. If you cannot do that reduce frequency of calling him and time. Talk less about all these... better stop.. if he asks ,say that you had enough and don't want to talk about it again and again..

Don't play as a bridge between your mom and brother. Let her deal with it herself. You can tell that you are helpless and don't want to talk about it again and again and stick to it. Stick firmly on it.

Let your parents know very well that you want to get married and settle in life and ask their help. If you delay, it will be difficult to get good alliance . Hope you will find a person who understand you very well.
You can tell them that you will be always there for them

If you are happy in USA, try to be here. If you can have a better life in India only then think about going back.

Stop worrying about your brother, he is not a kid.

You have to realize one bitter truth.. You are responsible for your life no one else... if you fail you will cry alone... if you succeed every one will laugh with you... so be more practical... build a life for yourself.. rest will follow. DON'T Delay

 

I second what @guesshoo has clearly stated above.
I have experienced this and I know what it is.
It is a human nature to take the soft hearted, and caring soul for granted, whenever there is a tension of holding up the relationship with the stubborn and hard souls. At least my mom does the same. She knows her other 2 children are hard, and hence there is a chance that they could just distance themselves from her if she tries to control or do anything against their taste. Knowing this, she would be always pleasing them no matter what.
But that doesn't mean she is happy and content with them. She is tensed, unhappy and at times disrespected too. But her only channel to show this displeasure is me. The daughter who is ready to please her even at the cost of loosing her own sanity.
I have done that for so many years, as I really really do not know how to stand up for myself when my own mom is doing this. I was guilt ridden everytime I stood up for myself. I was blamed, and threatened emotionally, so I quit.
Unless my siblings, i could not be careless or live up as if nothing happened. I would always care for mom, and be very tensed if she is unhappy. So, I would readily available to please her even by losing my own happiness for the sake of retaining peace at home.
So, she obviously has taken me for granted.

Now that, I am learning to distance myself from these drama. If not directly, at least I have decided to convey my message subtly by ignoring, or not taking this to heart. So that i could focus on my own life and happiness regardless of it.

Dear OP
It is high time you stand up for yourself. You are clearly the scapegoat, and your mom is using you as her punching bag to let go of all her frustrations caused by your bro. She obviously needs to let go of her frustrations, but on her son and not on you. She is being selfish here.
Don't let her selfishness harm you.
Here on wards, if she comes to hurt you, just hang up the phone and say you are busy. Don't avail yourself too much.
By your ignorance, prove her that anyone could distance her if she continues the same bad behavior.
Slowly but firmly put and end to all this.
At least for now, don't repeat that you will be available and there for them by being single forever. Your sacrifice will not be appreciated, rather they will surely take you for granted.



That being said

Don't expect your parents to find you a groom. They may probably settled with confidence that you will be there for them. So, your decision to marry may be a shock for them. They may use cheap tricks to trap you with guilt. Better, keep it as your own secret mission and continue to find your mr perfect.
Then announce them your idea of getting married and settled.
You are financially independent. No one can stop you from supporting your parents as much as you can. You don't have to stay single to support your parents.
By the grace of God, your parents are doing good. They have pension and extra income. You are there to give them emotional support.
If necessary give them physical and financial support.
Forget about your bro for now. He is not worth to spoil your mood.
If your mom is interested, let her find a way to keep her son within her controls. If not, make it as their problem, and you don't try anything at the cost of your own sanity.
Even if your bro is unavailable, none of you are affected much. Your parents and you are anyways independent on your own, so don't feel emotional on your bro's decisions.

 

OP,
please pay heed to all of us comments here wrt you getting married and settled in family.

It will be very very difficult to change your habit of not listening to your moms frustrations! I dont know why moms are like this and why they are so selfish and so grossed up in "putra-moh"..where is there love for their daughter for whom also they have responsibilities..In this regard, I find families from south india to be better in handling daughters..in fact some cases, they go extreme as a lot of favouritism goes on to daughters side with sons bearing less preferred status...I have no idea why parents cannot be equal to their kids...I would try as best to be equal, it is very unfair for kids and very selfish of parents to do this..it breeds more enmity among siblings..

so it will very very difficult but it is VERY VERY important you detach a little from moms frustrations, and think about yourself now.... if you dont proactively take action on this now, you risk finding yourself at a point where you are alone and your brother is married happily, your parents happy and taking his side...this could very well happen....at that point, maybe you have crossed marriageable age(if there is anything like that, sorry to tell you this but there is a real risk of finding partner with increasing age and not to mention for having babies for women they have biological clock ticking)...(btw I had my kids late as well)..... but sooner you start thinking about having your own family the better chances you have to find a more fulfilling life....

everyone here have seen it, been there done that and regretting things..they have advised you learning hard way after suffering and losing time/energy and patience, so please dont lose time, have fun enjoy, mix up with different groups of people guilt free and who knows you may find someone from your social circle....

please come back and update what you are thinking about all this....

 

Sneha,

In all honesty, I do not think your parents are doing the right thing by letting both their kid to remain unmarried for such looong years !

They are MARRIED and it does not look like they took steps to either CONVINCE you both to get MARRIED.. NOR did they arrange more suitable alliances for your brother. Sorry to be blunt, but your parents have just taken a backseat and pushed the responsibilities onto both of you. For kids from Indian background, it is definitely not easy to find your own life-partners without the support of parents !

Your brother IS doing the right thing, by ATLEAST trying to set his own life. Your decision to not get married for your parents sake is WRONG, INCORRECT and totally ABNORMAL !
You should in fact start looking for a good life partner with or without your parents involvement, as that is what you actually wanted !!

Please wake up from your dream of becoming an IDEAL daughter, and start living your life. Your brother is just trying to have a normal life.

Am sure your parents will be more than happy if they hear you have changed your decision to get married.. Why dont you try it ?

Regards
JM