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Selfish Mil And Manipulative Sil Need Help...

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by deepideepi, Jan 24, 2017.

  1. deepideepi

    deepideepi Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Sorry for the long post.
    I am 7 months pregnant. My due date is on 1st Week of April. I have one more daughter. She is going to be 5 on coming April. PIL were staying with us but went to the native place for a month. They are returning next week. My husband is the only son.

    Before going to native place, PIL were planning to live with us for next six months to take care of me & my new baby (Which they actually don't do.) but now they told my husband over the phone that they will stay here for 4 months only (Till end of April). After that, they will take me to native place for around 8 months. We are living in Bangalore and our native place is in Kolkata which is too far. I work from home and there is no wifi in native place and the most important thing is that what about my DD? She is studying here in LKG. Her final exam will end on March & there will be holiday for 2 months in April & May and reopens on June. What about her studies?? and on May/June only my husband is going to get transfer to another city. How will my husband manage home and work? he don't know boiling water too. We are North Indian and we don't like south indian food in regular basis. (Plz don't mind). How he will survive till 8 months?

    I know my mother in law is brain washed by SIL. SIL was living with them in native place for 1 month (Married with two kids and elder one is school going) when my PIL were there. When she visit my PIL place she put her school going kid (6 year old) to 1 hour tuition center and make him absent from school for months....But education system is not same here in Bangalore. SIL is now insecure that PIL have satrted living with us more and she will not get any financial support from them. So she is making me victim. If i will stay with pil there. They can keep on visiting and neighter she have to take care of PIL nor she have to stay longer to pil place. She is 28 year old and behave like a kid infront of mil. She keep on telling my MIL that when she visit our place for longer time she feel like an orphan. She live in a joint family at in laws place and keep on manipulating her husband to leave west Bengal and come to bangalore so that she can get financial benifit from us as my PIL has started living here. Her husband is not ready and now she is doing Black magic on him to make him come to bangalore. She can go to any extent.

    But don't my MIL has her own brain? How can she be so selfish. My MIL is the only one who wanted to live with us always as we have more luxury than native place. How can she behave like this coz she knows our problems. When i was in my fisrt timester my morning sickness was on its peak. Sickness were all day. I can't even go to kitchen area. It used to smell so much. Even soap, Telcum powder. Washing powder i used to throw up all day. At those time also my MIL didn't ask me if i am having any problem? why you are eating so less? nothing. MIL use to help on laundry and washing dishes. Maid was there to help on sweeping & Moping. But doesn't want to help in kitchen where i wanted her most since everyting use to smell. But she hates cooking.

    At my third month i was not able to eat and drink anything. What ever i put in my mouth i used to thow up. I was feeling so weak that i couldnot even sit. I told my husband that neither i will eat nor i will cook. My MIL got furious. She started yelling that noboday had that kind of problem in pregnancy. U only have. I told if u people can't take care of me i will go to my parent's place for next 2 months. for that she said what will they do? will they keep u on their lap?? i said atleast they will cook for me. They said no u can't go. Your parent will think that we didn't took care of you and send you there. FIL said don't go know it will affect DD's study. You can go after delivery. Now after delivery also they have no plan sending me and planning to take me to their place. However i have called my Sister on April. I am so stressed coz i know there will be fight when they will come here and tell me to go with them on May. Because me n my husband don't want this. When we will reject MIL is going to thow tantrums like a kid. I m not going to get peace in this situation too. God save me!
     
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  2. sumzaya

    sumzaya Gold IL'ite

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    Being pregnant u shud have peace of mind. And now ur situation doesn't allow it... Aftr delivery its u n ur hus who have to decide where to go.. u will get proper care n rest at ur parents only.. so decide now with ur hus n inform ur inlaws to stay there until u reach back .. n ur daughter is in kg... Only 2 or 3 months class will b missed arrange tution 4 that near ur parents place... N try not to think of the thngs which ur in laws mite say on hearing these... Thnk of ur newcoming baby... Eat healthy, take fresh air.. have fun wit ur DD. Do somthng which takes ur mood to a better one... Dont thnk of pil 's blah blah now.... Its ur DH who needs to be supportive.. in ur case he is.. Lucky You.. stay blessed..
     
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  3. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    I've heard that there are old folks retirement gated communities in Bangalore, with inmates looking for activity. You could visit a few, and get some stand-in PIL's. A nice temporary MIL who would harass you with the script that you can provide her, and a FIL who might actually help out. I understand that one young couple who did this helped their MIL and FIL get hitched, because they liked the temporary jobs they did.
     
  4. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Ok ..do you need them to help you post April . If not , don't go. If you need someone to help you , then you may need to take their wishes into consideration.

    Do you have an option of calling your parents or hiring a maid ? Go for it and tell in laws to go to their native as you can take care of things at your end.


    DD school is big enough reason to stay put.
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    OP,are you working?
    If not,you can easily take care of yourself and children post delivery.
    Get a maid to help you out.

    If you are working or if you feel you need help...call your parents over for some time.
    If your husband agrees with you ,then there is no problem.
    Just say you will stay put here with husband and children.
    You have enough reasons...tell them you won't make DD miss school for so long.You can't stay without your husband for so long.You don't want husband to miss out on spending time with his babies.Kids can't stay with their daddy for so long.
    Start preparing your husband and child for the new arrival and start the post delivery routine with them now.
    Get them to start helping out by doing more of their work.Get husband to help with the older child's daily routine.You also prepare yourself .
    Best Wishes Op.
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2017
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  6. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    Talk to your husband,tell him clearly that you will stay only in banglore even after delivery.call your parents for help after april.be strong in your decision and dont bother about mil tantrums,let her son deal with it.
     
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