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Bad Experience With Desi's!!!

Discussion in 'General Discussions - USA & Canada' started by ThirumathiJ, Jan 18, 2017.

  1. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    My reply was more for this.
    Bad Experience With Desi's!!!
    A post in a thread need not always be ......and the answer to the OP is tada. It could be an observation/opinion based on the general pulse of the posts in a thread...and this to me was getting way too cynical.
     
    ThirumathiJ likes this.
  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    OK. I went by what you quoted in your post and your advice to OP to be patient and the right family will come along.
     
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    My dear Thirumathi, I have learnt that friends are like jobs. Takes only one to change my status from unemployed to employed. :)

    More seriously, your experience is not unique to desis, or desis in US or NJ, or to you and your area. When we were growing up, we had such families live nearby. Lived 20 years together, shared everything, and then when the dad retired, they simply moved away. No address exchange nothing. In my two decades in the U.S., I have seen such people. Even recently, two separate families took help from us, and after a while, we were left feeling like you are feeling about these two who left without saying bye.

    With the advent of whatsapp and FB, we are getting in touch with many people from our childhood neighborhoods. When we talk about some of them, Dh and I end up telling, "Oh they were snobbish, selfish, ..." for some of the families. So, point is that such people have been around for long and are everywhere. Then, there are also the precious friends whose parents we go and meet in each trip even those we haven't met the friends themselves for years.

    Many of us will recall people we helped when they were new to the U.S., and who once they are settled, won't give us the time of the day. Not even a Happy new Year group email.

    As long as we have 1 or 2 friends nearby who will help in a middle-of-the-night emergency and 1 or 2 who are there for phone/chat vents.. we are fine. I think.

    I get your point about these two friends, and yes, it was bad they move away like this after the close interaction you guys had. They didn't say bye to anybody or said bye to a few families?
     
  4. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    People could be talking about current neighbors this way too... For example, when I think I am having a close interaction and friendly relationship with a neighbor, she could be having a conversation with her husband about what a buggy pest I was, calling her on the phone at all hours, knocking on the door with a bowl of some revolting food from my home village. While I was thinking I was giving her gourmet food, she may be tossing it in garbage, and spraying disinfectant on her door bell/knob.
    A good question.

    Some more questions: When we begin to feel that we are, well.. most of our kind is, the worst people in the world, do we begin to make friends with the other natives of the land ? And therefore learn more about other people, their behaviors, their foods ? Isn't that a good thing ?
     
  5. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hmmm.. good question - making friends with other natives of the land. Took me a year or two before I could make friends with non-Indians outside work. I think this making friends with non-Indians happens easier if one is working or studying. Harder for SAHMs unless they socialize with other mothers who are non-Indian.

    All said and done, the friendships I have with Indian people are different. Not always deeper or easier, but just different.

    OP, hope you are fine with this digression from main topic.....
     
  6. ThirumathiJ

    ThirumathiJ Silver IL'ite

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    Rihana- both neighbors only had me as friend as the other neighbors couldnt bear their "don't care" attitude. But I was right next door so hard to avoid especially they keep knocking my door for something.


    Well based on how many of you responded, I guess this is common .... so called help seekers leaving without saying their farewell. So I guess I should filter the idiots, losers, users and cut them off earlier like how my other neighbors did.

    But I guess I can't do that. If someone without a car walks in the cold winter to the grocery store, I can't keep quiet but volunteer to pick them up. If some pathetic women came to me for whatever help in desperate situation, I can't walk away and sleep peacefully. To hell with their attitude or character but as a human being I will still help another human being but this time I won't expect " Bye" when they leave. :)

    Just created this thread to share everybody's bad experience .... Just to laugh it off. But I see some getting really bitter...cheers
     
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  7. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    You are a kind sort. What you had written here is what the desi holy book Gita advises people to do. You do what you like, and let the consequences be immaterial.
    [QUOTE="ThirumathiJJust created this thread to share everybody's bad experience .... Just to laugh it off. But I see some getting really bitter...cheers[/QUOTE]:) I remember one Mr. Rogers, a Television character who came on children's TV program. His opening theme song asks "would you be my neighbor?". Some parents considered Mr. Rogers a very nice, "uncle" sort of man, and let their children watch the program. Other parents thought Mr. Rogers was a creepy old guy, who would sing soothing songs to children; the very sort, that the kids should stay away from.
    Take a look:
     
  8. ThirumathiJ

    ThirumathiJ Silver IL'ite

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    :) I remember one Mr. Rogers, a Television character who came on children's TV program. His opening theme song asks "would you be my neighbor?". Some parents considered Mr. Rogers a very nice, "uncle" sort of man, and let their children watch the program. Other parents thought Mr. Rogers was a creepy old guy, who would sing soothing songs to children; the very sort, that the kids should stay away from.
    Take a look: [/QUOTE]


    It's sad when one gets into a stage in life where they doubt niceness as creepy. That would be a miserable way of living!
     
  9. SunPa

    SunPa Platinum IL'ite

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    We need more people like you.

    In ways,my DH is quite like you, he cannot not help, even if it means going out of the way. He doesnt expect much in return, just a simple thank you kinda acknowledgement. But some dont do that and he feels hurt.
    It is morally wrong to so selfish. Some people are and that does leave a bad taste. I have had to tell DH that in the first place you didnt help because you expected something in return, you enjoyed the helping, so let it go. Yes, it doesn't feel good, but you cant let it affect you so much. Be a little more judicious in who you help or help any way and be glad that atleast some appreciate your help. But DH being DH finds it hard to understand how can people be so selfish/self-centered...
     
    ThirumathiJ likes this.
  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Must watch..
    Check this link and get your answer regarding"relationships and reality".

    Brilliantly said..especially when sadguru
    Ended" don't say somebody cheated me" but " somebody pushed me to ultimate reality"..
     

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