1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jun 22, 2016.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,747
    Likes Received:
    1,710
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Oh yeah .. Don't I know
     
  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Amica, a very fine post filled with practical advice and some empathy for the poster. Many of us, I guess including me, have mixed up the OP's problem with a general discussion on weddings, marriages, or with other IL threads on the topic.

    I hope OP there takes your post to heart and reads it a few times.
     
    Lakshmi6197, coolgal123, SGBV and 2 others like this.
  3. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    3,037
    Likes Received:
    8,379
    Trophy Points:
    460
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks, @Rihana! It's cool to hear this from you since you are one of the best advisors on IL. :blush:
     
    Lakshmi6197, Rihana and KashmirFlower like this.
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    OP's previous threads show it is a regular MIL-visiting drama. Looks like the possibility of the MIL staying longer, getting GC, or dictating how child should be brought up, is hanging like a Damocles sword over OP's head. So, it does not seem at all a 911 level case.... maybe I am wrong.......like I said there.

    Kind of amusing how we can toggle at the two ends of a MIL-DIL problem. This time I'm saying it is not so serious, MIL's behavior is not that dangerous......... and you are saying call 911. : )

    ================
    whatever........ the departure from the usual brought half a smile to my face.. i am beyond tired.. a long list of phone calls to make to India... why do people in India still expect the foreign party to make the calls. Aren't these now cheap from there also..
     
  5. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,006
    Likes Received:
    1,750
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    OP cannot call 911 but she can file a police complaint with the help of her friends. MIL is a handsy person and the husband is not helping. If she comes for a long term visit and if OP speaks up, MIL most probably will repeat her behaviour. Its not completely wrong to call 911, but none of us can help OP with what will happen in her life later.
     
  6. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,747
    Likes Received:
    1,710
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I am always for direct action Not behind the scene manipulations:)

    I got your intention but I felt it is kind of very discouraging for any one reading who may be in a tight situation hence my response.

    our free vonage calls which we advertise to all relatives and unless it becomes free in India you are not free from initiating calls
     
    Rihana likes this.
  7. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    2,670
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    i dont know about USA but In UK its 1 pence par minute to india. i.e 100 mins in a pound. besides it, purchasing capability of a pound is not much here, you can get a bunch of coriander or a chocolate of cadbury in that. From india to UK calling is not that cheap.
    though whatsapp calling is free with unlimited broadband even from india...:flushed:...
     
    Lakshmi6197, satchitananda and Rihana like this.
  8. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Anything that can result in creating an "arrest" history or "criminal" history, I would be very careful in utilizing. Police complaint falls in same category as 911 with respect to that. For that matter, any place where records are maintained, I have learnt to watch what I speak and what I do. I was at a routine annual check-up, the doctor asked me the usual stuff about any aches, pains, body concerns, and any general life worries. I yapped a little about my latest issue with kid. Doctor was busy noting that down too! I asked her why, and she said some laws now require that all conversation be documented. I shut up so fast. : )

    Any record can come back to haunt any time later in related or unrelated situations. I am not saying live life afraid of this, but be cautious. I tell myself this is not India where a little pull or money can wipe some records off. No,let me rephrase that. In this country, we usually don't have the resources that others might have to take care of such records.

    I admit I might be a little paranoid in such things.

    I've written elsewhere about being aware of what teacher writes in child's school records. And that parent has the right to ask to see these records at any time. Any year that child/parent has had a few run-ins with teacher, I suggest taking a look at the records. Especially, from middle school on. A simple case of boy said something to girl can become sexual harassment, a simple case of child grabbed a paper from another child, can become bullying. I still vividly recall a phone call from a principal. He said, "If you or the other parent want, we can, we have to, involve the police." This was for the most silly incident that can happen in any setting with young children.
     
    Lakshmi6197 likes this.
  9. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    2,670
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    @Rihana i feel that legal help in relations should be last things to resort to, when all other solutions didnt work and you are ready to let go of that relation.
    as after taking legal help, even if one can handle the mess which can be created by legal affairs, it might become impossible to recover the relations.
     
    Amica, Rihana, Lathasv and 1 other person like this.
  10. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,006
    Likes Received:
    1,750
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female

    There is a slight advantage if she files a police complaint instead of 911. OP can file a case with the help of a lawyer or some of her friends. It looks like she had been there for a long time, I guess she must have some set of people to speak good things about her. It may work only if she gives importance to the fact that she was scared when she was man handled and had to lock herself away in a room with her kid, plus her husband did nothing.

    I suggested her the following to be done first:
    If she has people by her side, it will be an advantage for her. I too am cautious when it comes to anything that will be on records, but then there are two sides to it. One is when something is dealt with directly and the other is what people see and hear from us - as in sharing information with doctors, schools, sometimes even at work. The latter, we have some control over it. When abuse happens, taking action shouldn't be prolonged to such an extent that nothing can be done about it. When one postpones taking action, it only lets the opponent know that he/she can further repeat the behaviour. JMO.

    The risk or fear of going through/dealing with the legal system is everywhere and usually with everyone. I agree there are some hidden meanings interpreted from silly comments/incidents. That's how this country works.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page