Newly Married - Need Help In Understanding Brahmin Customs!

Discussion in 'Queries on Religion & Spirituality' started by BeingSoulful, Oct 28, 2016.

  1. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Move with the times, my friend. Notebook is so last century. Make it a GoogleDoc and give Ma-in-law "view" permission only.

    Even better, find or build a collabrify app for it.
     
  2. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Just google the traditions and customs you have to do. There should be some site that has detailed instructions. Maybe there is a you tube video. So be prepared before hand. So at least you know what is expected.

    Now in Diwali, we do Lakshmi poojan. We just google "How do do Lakshmi pooja in Diwali". There are sites with step by step information and there is a list of slokas, puja items, etc.

    Most of the way the rituals are done is the same may be some minor differences. So you can just tell you MIL, this is how I am going to do it. Is there anything different I need to do? May be say some slokas name and she will feel that you know something.
     
  3. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Pratyusha,

    Yes we stay in US. They visited us this year, been here for a few months.

    I am from a non-Brahmin family. We do pooja and stuff but don't do so much "maddi" and things. I am just trying to learn some standard customs followed by Brahmins. Eg: Boys do the "sandyavanadne" in the morning. Things like that.

    Her expectation is that I learn everything - customs followed in festives, every small vrathas and things, basically "EVERYTHING"

    Though they are here for a short period. My fear is about returning home. Incase we decide to return I know I cant survive without knowing all of these.
     
  4. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Is your husband doing Sandhyavandan every day? If not, then you don't have to worry about learning the customs. Being born as a brahmin if he is not following their customs, then there is no need for you to follow.

    Also tell your Husband to learn your non-brahmin customs. Because marriage is between two people. If they want you to change according to their customs, then your husband also has to change himself according to your family customs.

    I don't think in this generation people are still doing the chores with madi....older generation people are still following that, but i doubt this generation people are doing that, especially the working women.

    My advice is, don't return to India now....spend sometime in US with your Husband and build the understanding and bond. Once that bond & understanding is build, then you can survive easily with your in laws :)
     
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2016
  5. dnormx01

    dnormx01 Gold IL'ite

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    Don't you have an elder co sister/sil or a cousin from your husband's family. Generally people from our age group understand and help us better than the MIL who's main agenda is to point out flaws. Try befriending one such relative and request them to help you out for an year.

    What I did when I got married was to record all the poojas I was taught to perform and took step by step pictures. A distant cousin of DH helped me. Now every year I watch those videos/pictures and over the years have got accustomed to the customs and rituals. If Mil ever says anything, I tell her I will cross check with my mentor cousin. If the taunts continue, I just say, ' sarvam krishnarpanam astu' wrong or right when everything is dedicated to God, it's all correct :p.

    Happy Diwali, your first after marriage I guess. Enjoy :)
     
    sindmani, Lakshmi6197, Rihana and 2 others like this.
  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Tel your husband to tell his mom or what tell your mil directly that she can help you teach her customs..

    What's with this taunting and inlaws??
     
  7. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    I like the concept of having family tradition booklet. This is perfectly the blend of ideas heading towards a solution.

    thank you, i'll surely try that :)
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  8. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    After wedding I was there in india for a short duration and due to that I have been able to connect with his cousins. But that's a great thought. Let me try my luck with the ones I know, thank you :)
     
  9. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you! I like the "View only" thought.. lol
     
  10. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    Yea I have been doing this, infact making a list of festives, things expected and links to view. Still on research mode though. That helps, thank you:)
     

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