Newly Married - Need Help In Understanding Brahmin Customs!

You said you are in US, so is your MIL living with you in US?

What customs exactly she expects you to follow? are there any instances you completely did anything against to their customs?

IMO, even ifyou come from a Brahmin family, your MIL definitely will have something to taunt you, because she is MIL . Taunting DIL is her one of the custom, so she is sincerely following that

Don't worry too much about customs. In every marriage, respecting each other, having love & affection are the main customs to be followed by every one.

 

There is nothing IMO that you can do to please her. you cannot please someone who doesnt want to be pleased. to win this war i suggest you some courses of action.
1. do only what you know - the way you know.
2. make a notebook and note down everything that is told to you. make sections and make appropriate entries. go through your notes from time to time with your husband. it would be better if you noted down in front of your husband.
I am a brahmin married to another brahmin. since we belong to different regions our customs are widely different. i went through the same ragging sessions and rules also kept changing. but since i didnt note them anywhere, it was my word against hers. secondly you are also liable to forget so it is totally in your benefit to do so. Discuss with your husband that he should help you learn the customs and that documenting would be a good idea as you might forget and it would be good for future reference. and please dont take too much initiative. the more you bend, the worse you feel when faced with MILs tantrums. it is good that you have a good relationship with your husband. strengthen your relationship in every possible way.
And dont take it too much at heart. most MILs are like that only. all the best.

 

I like this, but I would say the spirit in which you undertake this matters. Even if your MIL is annoying, don't do it in a spirit of documentation - sort of like an HR assessment before they fire the ne'er-do-wells. Remember the MIL appointment is like the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court - it's for life and they make the law.

Jokes apart - do it in a positive spirit. Say something like ... you want to document family customs so your children can be brought up right and learn to respect tradition, that future DILs (does your husband have a younger brother?! ) can benefit from it, that you want to make sure the kulapurvakas are proud of you both ... whatever works - and then do it cheerfully. Take pictures of the ceremony (many, many pics of MIL resplendent in her 9-yards of silk, venerating the Gods!), include it in the book, add the relevant Sanskrit verses, family recipes of the special foods - you get the drift.

If you do it right, with a bit of luck, you might not only earn DIL brownie points, but also have an interesting family document that you will cherish when you are older.

 

You may have someone in your husband's side who may be very understandable and with whom you may be comfortable in speaking.. I mean to say their conversation may look very reasonable.. You can ask that person about the tradition and the customs that are followed.. They may help you out in clarifying all your doubts..

 

What's your husband's take a look? is he religious? Are you? Do you intend following traditions and customs?

As a couple decide what you want to follow. then simply in your husband's presence ask your mil he steps to follow to celebrate whatever it is.