Rock The Sahm Role ✌

Was just checking IL casually...but had to reply to you cliona! My status post later..

If you ask me, there's no place like home... no matter how nice the family you married into is..
I'm so glad for you cliona! Enjoy and please do pamper yourself for the next 3 months..

Hmm maybe you can get the pediatrician to talk to her abt this ? It's actually better for both you and baby to get out and get some outside air...stress buster and healthy for u..vit d and immunity boost for baby..You could avoid the polluted crowds n go for parks etc.. even malls!!!!!!

Well actually, @cliona, I got into a productivity spree only as I was forced into it by my circumstances. Left to myself I would have been content to just focus on caressing and nourishing baby and take care of myself, atleast for the first 6 weeks, baby until 6 months atleast exclusively.
That I wasn't let to do that peacefully and instead had to stress around about others meals and how much they were suffering to help me was a major heartbreak. Esp. when I was led to believe otherwise.
Yes, after 6 months, I wanted to get a handle on things and turned up here for help..
Not that I've reached sufficiency or efficiency..but it has definitely checked my unrealistic to-do plans.
So long story short, enjoy this time gal.. u'll have your hands full 3 months later when u will have to juggle everything...
And trust me, you will!
We will always be there to share in the fun!

 

A hectic and beautiful Diwali came and went..
Surprised H. with a sweet his mom usually makes at home for diwali.. and that pleased him soooo much.. It was such a treat to watch his mind working excitedly as he tried to ask me gently if..could I..maybe make a few extra to give his friends at work.. I laughed happily.. Felt so proud of myself..
He was surprised that I even knew how to make it, let alone actually make it - and though he rightly guessed I got it online, I would NEVER admit that
The prep phase was crazy though - I'd lost all hopes, and struggled not to break into angry tears even as we bickered and spat. Despite my best intentions, I couldn't wake up early on Diwali - baby kept waking every hour, and finally settled only at 6 am, by which time I just sank into deep sleep, pushed over by hormones and a late night cleaning frenzy. But thankfully God helped me do what I'd planned, and then become cheerful too..and then also have small treats of wish fulfilment and contentment - and the best of all, a family feeling..
And let me be honest - H. was a brick too. Yeah not perfect not very understanding and easily irritated but a nice brick who really tried. And this is the closest I get to admitting it Not until he gives me a little more tlc - he already behaves like the holy soul
And LO got to see sparklers I really really wanted that, not a plain drab American Diwali...
Icing on the cake? I finished clearing up kitchen too at the end of the day
And next day we had nice food from outside - enough to satisfy my meat eating urges

 

Been meaning to post the last couple of days..but nights are still unpredictable.

Well today I'm here to celebrate.
I'm really pumped up : I decluttered the master bedroom, and it looks so good now..
H. commented on how it looks so spacious ..how its actually a big room, if kept tidy. (Yeah Yeah Y is a messy place considered the wife's fault grrrrr. No I didn't point out his quite sizeable share in the mes..doesn't matter now).
Last weekend ie after diwali I suggested that we declutter our home..and make it presentable (I think my subconscious was flashing pics of my neighbour's house to my mind ).. He was like yeah yeah. He didn't believe we- meaning I- could do it. Of course, he's too tired after work etc etc.
So I feel really pleased, that I did it. Plus I'm a very visual/ambience-y person, so this is really inspiring.
I'm in a veritable decor-fever now, checking pinterest and google and what not.. what with black friday approaching, I'm in a real frenzy. Always meant to home-fy our space, but never got around it, often waiting for his participation..Now I'm just going ahead..

I'm back to cooking in the evening..worked last couple of days..H.was in an accepting mood..hmmm. But still end up missing meals with baby's fluctuating schedule and insistence that I stay beside her while she sleeps. Its sweet and hard. Sigh. So unfair that I can't just let go and enjoy it..Sometimes feel that sahm have it only marginally better than working moms - we get more presence with baby but often that time had to be used to do other chores as well or multitask. I suppose only a privileged few get to spend loads of quality time with their babies. From outside, it never seemed tough to just cook as an extra chore while caring for baby..The inside view is revelational!!!

 

Up and down week. Mostly down. But two nice 'up's..
Down bcos H. had homework and I had to stay with my walking-but-wanting-to-run darling. Couple that with late evening 'stay-with-me-mommy' naps, meant dinner prep started at 8:30pm (only after H. got free). Of course I served a full meal, but it was almost around 10pm or later. I am uncertain whether to congratulate myself on clearing up and cooking dinner in 1.5 hrs (with baby breaks in between), or feel bad about it going so late and out of hand. I do the former defensively and the latter emotionally. It doesn't help that H. is upset too.
Esp. since this had been the only meal I've been making for him.
Feel wretched that despite having legitimate reasons, I am still expected to (?miraculously) handle it and not compromise on my housewifely duties. Why can't there be wholehearted understanding instead, and a willing acceptance of this temporary difficulty?
Probably it is not there because it has been a recurring theme/issue, rather than a one-time problem. But that acceptance had never been there...
Why are a wife's (my) encumbrances considered as shirking or laziness or not making effort or taking it easy, whereas a husband's limitations expected to be understood and accepted?
I feel confused too - "Why can't she just cook food, I don't ask her to do anything else/anything special" seems such a legitimate frustration...yet...
"Everybody in my situation manages, no one starves the family/spouse", is the unspoken/?self -criticism I hear.. I also know my circumstance is kind of unique - nobody in my circle/I've spoken to have these sleep related issues. My lifestyle had always been dependent on baby's sleep patterns and still is - and that has been pretty restrictive. Somehow it feels like I'm making excuses...maybe I'm overtuned to looking at myself from 'other's' eyes??

Sorry about the long vent folks. A lot of thoughts rumbling in my mind..

The ups: I did a significant kitchen clean up. Felt so good once the area got decluttered and clean. To the extent that, after dinner, there was nothing left to do !!!!
And today I managed to clear up baby's cupboard atleast 2/3rds. Even if I cudn't cook

Self improvement point : Do whatever it takes but get up at 5 and finish cooking for the day while baby is still in deep sleep and not actively seeking you. Even if it means barely 4 hrs sleep for u. Unrealistic maybe, but it's the last option left.

 

Couldn't do it. Disturbed nights. To fagged out.

Working on pushing darling's bedtime earlier. I should record my progress here..Hmm

Its been a while - nearly a month now, that I made breakfast or lunch for H. I am compensating with full meals dinner, but I don't feel he is happy. In fact, H even commented (apparently as a joke, I am not convinced) that he has to make his own coffee in the morning every day before getting ready to work, and 'jokingly' digged at me another time saying, "just get me some food, ANY food".
I don't understand why this gets me defensive, but it does. With disturbed nights, and baby co-sleeping now (sigh, thats a new development - the reason for things going off track now) it is not possible to do kitchenwork 6-8am. I am suffering too. But any hint of that, H goes on like how he's been martyred (he's also sleepless, and has to work, and does so much n takes care of everything, and has to handle his own food as well), but I have it easy coz I dont really 'do' anything?!!!!
Funny thing is, I don't know how to justify myself. So is he right, really??!

Time...time.. time.. So many things to do so little time (= I need to prioritize, hmmm. But so many pressing needs, and now only that which is urgent and due gets done - and that is a bad practice, and is very stressful)

Meanwhile, I've been managing to get stuff decluttered/cleared up..it gets messy right back..but still..

It is still the kitchenwork which is a challenge. I should try tackling it in installments maybe, rather than my current approach of trying to rush through it all..