Newly Married - Need Help In Understanding Brahmin Customs!

Discussion in 'Queries on Religion & Spirituality' started by BeingSoulful, Oct 28, 2016.

  1. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Beautiful Ladies,

    I have been in the US for a year now. Moved here after my wedding with my best friend. Ours is an inter-community marriage. He is a Vishwakarma Brahmin. Being the younger one is my family, I never took customs and work at home seriously. I guess, I can see the brunt of it now :(

    My MIL taunts that I know nothing. I am seeking help from you all in understanding the basic concepts and customs to follow being a part of Brahmin family. Would appreciate any help extended.

    Regards,
    BeingSoulful
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Instead of your MIL taunting you, why doesn't she take the initiative to teach you their family customs? Even within Brahmins each family has their own traditions/ways of doing things. Your husband should suggest this to her.
     
  3. Vaishnaviayyar1

    Vaishnaviayyar1 Senior IL'ite

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    Don't worry it's a oops moment for every newlywed.My husband comes from a orthodox brahmin family I initially relied on his gyan.Turns out his knowledge about customs are far worse than me.So all I do is make appropriate food for the festive and say my mil we did some poojas with it.If she qs me about the technicalities I give my phone to DH.His hopelessness on these aspects puts me on a better light.
     
  4. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    Well, the first human sacrifice is hard, but once that's over and done with, it gets easier ....!:cool:
     
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  5. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    :lol::lol:
     
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  6. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Every family is different. so even if you came from Brahmin background there would have been so many things that are done differently at your in-laws place.
    I am assuming your MIL knows that you are from a non-brahmin background.
    As a MIL and as an elder she may not teach unless you ask her to teach you.
    Just go to her when she is in a good mood and talk to her. Tell her, "Mom, you know right I come from a different background. I am open to learn as long as you are happy to teach me how you want things to be done."

    Most of the times, patience and open talk will solve the issue.

    P.S : I am married into a different religion and community too. I did not know cooking beyond making a cup of tea. I asked my MIL to teach me and she did. Whether she now lets me use the kitchen in my own house, is a different story. ;) ;)
     
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Just accept that you don't know any thing and tell mil....."I will learn from your son maa".
    In most cases (like mine) son's are totally clueless .The expectations and comments are only from other people's daughters.:smirk:
     
  8. chandmaha

    chandmaha New IL'ite

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    Hello BeingSoulful

    Good to hear that u are inclined towards learning . But in what aspect she is taunting , cooking , pooja , behaviour . Pls notice that and then change accordingly, because things cannot change overnight . Instead of telling her or asking her, watch her carefully and try to inculcate her habits which are required in work .

    All The Best . Be happy and make people happy
     
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  9. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    Hi MalStrom,

    You are right! I have even asked her, told her I know very little about these things. She is all the time busy bragging about the family and doesn't pay lot of attention in teaching me things. My husband is very supportive. While some heated moments were there, when he stood by me and told her to teach me things.

    I somewhere feel she judges me, I don't like that fact. She hardly interacts with me. More than half the time I am confused about her. Since she is not very approachable, makes it even harder.

    I need help in understanding common Brahmin customs, I understand their is a lot specific to the family.

    Regards,
    BeingSoulful
     
  10. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Chandra,

    More than taunting, she makes faces & behaves very unusual at home. Problem is with everything I do. I am no perfect in anything, still learning. But still anything & everything including cooking, cleaning, the way I am, every damn thing is a problem.

    I do what u said, I usually observe what she does. I ask her questions also to understand it better.
     

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