Need Advise Regrading My Married Life.

neel2244 · Oct 28, 2016

sbonigala said: ↑

Please tell me its a troll.
I am an MCA. Since when has MCA become 2 years course? Its a 3 years course - 6 semesters - anywhere in India.
How can someone be pregnant and deliver in one semester - 6 months??
Many private universities and deemed universities have a procedure to enroll in 2nd year if you have done graduation in BCA. For information, please try google.
And she got pregnant in middle of last semester. I am not talking about delivery.

Why did you choose to have a baby when she is studying? Are you not aware studying a masters course and a baby is not easy to manage?
It was a mutual decision. She was not pressurized. I do tell her about the same and she still wants it. Not a forced one.

What is your parent's take on this.
They will support me in my decision. They have no issue if she wants to come. This is the second time that she left for her parents house. Last time she returned after i reconciliation.
If possible please share with us the other side of the story too.
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Her brother got divorced because of her mother. Details i don't want to share here. My parents are ready to any kind of talk with hers.

Beijee · Oct 28, 2016

neel2244 said: ↑

I have been married for 2 years. Initial days were good. With time i get to know that my wife is liar, use abusive language for parents. She has no regret for this. Whenever she got caught, she started crying and asked for forgiveness. I want her to complete her master and got her admitted to one of reputed college (It costs me more than 2 lac (admission fee + bus fee)). In college, she is on phone with her mother and never cared for her studies. She went to attend her brother marriage with all jewellery. When i attended the marriage she just fights with me and spread rumors about me having a child from a extra marital affair which led to big argument between me and my in-laws. After that i came back to my place. She decided not to contact me and go for legal advice. She was present at that time. After reconciliation after 3 months period, she again came back to me. During the mean time, she discontinued her studies on recommendation of my mother-in-law( was in final semester). After delivery of baby girl, she agin left after 2 months with the baby and never allow me see the face of baby. before going,

she kicked my mom, put character less remarks on my father and start slapping me. After which i slapped her 3-5 times. Then she torn her clothes and start shouting that i was trying to rape her. Now it has been 9 months no contact. I tried to contact her. MY in-laws want me leave my parents forever nad never look after them(even asked me not to speak to them in future). I decided to leave out of this relationship. I planned for the baby to save my marriage which i regret now. I could have saved a life by not going for the baby.

They never returned my jewellery, money.

I don't know i Did right by raising hand on her. I never thought that i will ever raise my hand on my partner. She is not ready to leave with me. I don't want to initiate the divorce process. I have no information why she is filling the papers. She is at her parents(Very arrogant in nature).

Parents don't understand my situation and wife also. Mother keeps telling me old way of handling wife which clearly doesn't work with this generation's girls. Wife keeps telling mother's faults but I can't fight with mother for each and every thing told by wife. So wife gets angry because she thinks that I always take mother's side and mother thinks that I have changed and take wife's side.

My brain has stopped taking right decision. Confidence level has gone down. I don't feel like talking to anyone. First couple of months were pretty good. Me and my wife were loving and caring about each other. Then she started complaining about my parents, my home, home town. In each fight she threatens with India's 'dowry act' and always blackmails me saying that she will put me and my parents in jail. In each fight she threatens me by saying that she will commit suicide and write my and my parent's name in suicide note. In almost every fight, I have to hold her tightly so that she won't harm herself.

marriage was just like any other event for her. "All my friends are getting married & so I have to"!

So now living with her in constant tension and pressure. After few days are over of fight she asks me why don't you speak with me much. You are always silent, why don't you like to have sex. Her self harming nature and blackmailing nature keeps haunting my mind for many days after each fight, but I am afraid of telling her this because if I tell this she might threaten me again with that divorce law and there will be one more fight, she might hurt herself in fight.

She used to scream whole night (No not due to what you are thinking). She used to fight and throw her phone or whatever she gets & makes a big issue just for no reason!

Middle of the night she calls & invites her family members to my house ( where only we both stayed ) as if am threatening her and creates a scene! The way she shouts, the neighbors used to think I must be assaulting her or she used make everyone think that am the culprit!

For everything, She will say "I will complain to Police". Police, Police, Police!

She used to call her family 100 times a day and they used to support her & boost her confidence for the fight saying you are right, we are with you don't worry, don't calm down and shout to the max extent!
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That is sad to read. With the above underlined, did it occur to you to include some kind of legal document prior to your marriage, that in case of a divorce, she would get nothing(money, jewellery, house etc) and vice versa?

sbonigala · Oct 28, 2016

neel2244 said: ↑

Her brother got divorced because of her mother. Details i don't want to share here. My parents are ready to any kind of talk with hers.
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You did not answer my point on MCA. How is MCA 2 year course?
You did not answer my question on baby.
When you and wife are fighting left right centre, and when your wife is still studying - why did you plan for a baby?
That's alright , I understand that you AVOIDED my points.
When I asked for the other side of the story, I did not mean her brother's marriage details.
In your post there is not a single instance where we can understand what triggered her anger. Generally no woman will fancy a fight with her DH and in-laws unless she is forced into the wedlock.
What's your family background?
Your sisters, brothers, joint family?
How comfortable was she at your house?
Please pause your worries about gold and money and concentrate more on the relationship. You guys are just married for 2yrs. You have a long life ahead. Making wrong priorities won't help - either in marriage or in divorce.
Please make time and get your priorities right.

neel2244 · Nov 2, 2016

You did not answer my point on MCA. How is MCA 2 year course?:
She was doing it from private university. Form Some private and deemed universities, MCA will be of 2 years if you are BCA graduate.

When you and wife are fighting left right centre, and when your wife is still studying - why did you plan for a baby?
It was our mutual decision. She wants to start a family.. so do i.
She was passionate for government services.

What's your family background?
I have one brother and sister. both elder to me and enjoying their married life. No interference in my life.

How comfortable was she at your house?
She lies a lot. when got caught , start Crying. She always wanted me to leave my family forever... Don't talk to them.

Please pause your worries about gold and money and concentrate more on the relationship
I am not worried about money. Worried about the future of my baby.

Not sure what is in her mind. Working to make my life better.

YoGirl · Nov 3, 2016

Op,

So, were u staying with ur parents all this while? whats ur brother's and sister's reaction to all of this?
Looks like your marriage is in a pretty bad shape now.. I somehow feel that your wife will get back to you over the time. Meet with a counselor to see if you are missing out any points in ur relationship.
IMHO, studying-parenting combo needs lots of patience from both ends.

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