Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Hehehe....dont worry, future mil is free to go to beaches and collect sea shells, thankfully supreme Court has mandated joint family only for Dil, mil is free for choosing her lifestyle....
I hope @Rihanna here dil wont object that i have been promised a joint family before marriage but not getting in reality....

 

My personal experience as well. Now I am extremely wary of the time he spends with his immediate family.
Another quirk of my MIL &SIL - when I need to buy something, MIL has to personally approve. But if she needs something, she needs privacy with son to buy it. Believe it or not, mother son duo hunted for n shops for 2-3 days just to find 1 pair of slippers MIL liked.

 

On discussing about whether the girl wants a Jf or nuclear before marriage..I have the biggest regret..I the naive one wanted to make my parents happy also never did I know the existence of monster in laws as my grandma is more than a mom to my mom..so my parents too were oblivious of this angle..the boy seems good..how would we get to know about the emotional connect between mom son duo and mental instability of mil in two meetings..they were too sweet to resist..I regret not involving myself in any of the processes..now single mom only son duo is eating my head up..I have no option left..either grit my teeth and take nonsense or keep shouting at each other or separate from this guy...I am really tempted to live separately with my daughter..I am still holding on just because of My h's insistence..
My biggest advice to single girls never marry the only son of a single mother especially uneducated wide mouthed mother..

 

U would be surprised...one of my DHs aunts biggest problem is her DIL forcing her to be the unpaid caretaker of the house and kids because of their IT jobs. They are financially very well off and young enough to travel the world but the son and DIL guilt trip the couple into staying back . Add to this they are refusing to move out because staying with the parents means they save close to 50,000 a month on rent.

 

That's the other side of some stories.
We can't force elders to take care of young kids as they don't have the physical strength and patience to handle it.

If I am to expect my mom or MIL to take care of my kids as a full time job at this age.. it is next to impossible.

But we could expect some favor from them like supervising the nanny, maid, cook and ensure the kids are not abused by the caretakers. That is as a mutual support as we do provide physical, financial and emotional supports to them.
Again that shouldn't be forced on them.

I am against the DILs who think their PILs are the babysitters of their kids by default. That's unreasonable.

 

So it can be concluded that there should be joint family when it is benefiting the in laws and there should be nuclear family when in laws wants to enjoy freedom. DIL has no right to decide her lifestyle, she cant choose nuclear or JF as par her benefits. That right solely lies to inlaws , socially, legally and morally.

 

No.
Some people take advantage of others . It gets tiring to read post after post about how DIL is the victim..and how all DILs would love nothing more than a nuclear family just because of the demographic of the women who post online. There are plenty of cases where its the other way around. A walk through many of the old age homes in and around any city of your choice should prove the point beyond a shadow of doubt .Elder abuse is one of the growing problems in the country.

 

mostly whoever is asking for joint system 1. financial 2. taking care in old age/taking care of babies.
If both cases doesn't apply (at that time), no body wants joint system.

3rd point is control on adult children's life,

 

true, whenever a person becomes weak (physically, financially, or dependent on others for day-to-day activities) great chance of abuse.
But the abuse may be coming because of somebody kept anger against them, because they abused them in the past, which is not fair though.

 

Its easier to think that because it makes me sleep better at night but I now know enough to say that is not the case in majority of the cases. Poverty and greed is .Elders don't bring in money. I don't think PIL abuse DIL because she was mean to them and I don't think elders are abused because they abused.