1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Depressed With My Brothers Situation

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by skalluri, Oct 19, 2016.

  1. skalluri

    skalluri Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,041
    Likes Received:
    255
    Trophy Points:
    165
    Gender:
    Female
    friends,
    feeling very depressed and helpless, my brother who is in 40's in divorced with no kids, marriage lasted for 2 years and he became very stubborn and not in taking terms to me to share anything, I tried my best to keep him positive and looked for new matches, he is kind of willing/not willing to remarry, could not make up his mind, cannot take decision and also don't depend on us for opinions, what to do. feeling helpless, for the past 6 months I stopped taking about re-marriage, our talks are very formal like how is the weekend etc.now, that formal talks also reduced, sometimes I feel deep depressed with the situations, how will be future of him if he is alone.. why he is not listening to family members. I know he is not happy with his present situation, he is lonely, that is the reason I tried my best to remarry him, because he is timid, conservative, sensitive person.

    I don't have anybody to share my feelings, ofcourse my husband sometimes gives advices practically , genuinely but don't give much emotional support to what a sister is going through...
    just venting out the feelings..

    SK
     
    Loading...

  2. lalsang123

    lalsang123 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    72
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi SK.. Very sorry to hear this.. Does your brother have any close friends with whom he shares his feelings?

    I don't think it is good to advice more and more if he doesn't like it.. May be he can engage himself in his hobbies so that it may give some peace of mind.. He can also do some social work if he likes. This may give an opportunity in interacting with more and more people and he will get some happiness in helping people who are helpless.

    May be he may also find a suitable partner during this process..

    Be positive..
     
    skalluri likes this.
  3. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,786
    Likes Received:
    7,303
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear SK, please back off from your brother. He doesn't need what we might think he needs. If he has clearly indicated that he isn't interested in getting married again, please leave him be. He has to heal after his divorce. It isn't up to the family to find him happiness. The best thing to do is to let him know you are there and help him share what he feels with you rather than him worrying about what you wish for him.

    Please do give him space. He is an adult and will need to take responsibility for himself. Keep him company without making him feel the presure about what his future plans are or how worried you are. Let him live for the moment until he heals.
     
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2016
    yellowmango, Laxmi, aamrapali and 2 others like this.
  4. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,006
    Likes Received:
    1,750
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    SK,
    How long since the divorce? May be a therapist could help him. He is either unable to communicate his feelings to you guys or is unwilling to. This is a time when you should stand with him and listen to him.

    Take care of yourself and be happy. Only when you are happy, you can care for others and make them feel better.
     
    skalluri, vaidehi71 and momsky like this.
  5. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    517
    Likes Received:
    980
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree with guesshoo response.

    Although you and your family may be thinking you are caring for him, knowingly or unknowingly, you are perceiving him as a "40-year-old divorcee with no kids". Your perception of him must change and you need to identify him for what he is and not make his marital status his identity. Take interest in his life in general that does not include women or marriage. Build his trust that he can be himself around all of you and the dreaded question about his past or future marriage will not resurface.
     
    guesshoo likes this.
  6. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    780
    Likes Received:
    1,645
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    However close you are - every relationship needs some breathing space and privacy.
    Only then a relationship lasts.
    Please treat him as an adult. He is responsible and let him do what keeps him peaceful and happy.
    One does not need to be married and have kids in order to be happy
    Dont judge his happiness based on his marital status.
     
    skalluri and yellowmango like this.
  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Op...please back off and stop making him feel like a loser(you may not realize it but your post suggests you are looking at him only through his single status) .There are plenty of people who lead a good life being single.
     
    sbonigala likes this.

Share This Page