friends, feeling very depressed and helpless, my brother who is in 40's in divorced with no kids, marriage lasted for 2 years and he became very stubborn and not in taking terms to me to share anything, I tried my best to keep him positive and looked for new matches, he is kind of willing/not willing to remarry, could not make up his mind, cannot take decision and also don't depend on us for opinions, what to do. feeling helpless, for the past 6 months I stopped taking about re-marriage, our talks are very formal like how is the weekend etc.now, that formal talks also reduced, sometimes I feel deep depressed with the situations, how will be future of him if he is alone.. why he is not listening to family members. I know he is not happy with his present situation, he is lonely, that is the reason I tried my best to remarry him, because he is timid, conservative, sensitive person. I don't have anybody to share my feelings, ofcourse my husband sometimes gives advices practically , genuinely but don't give much emotional support to what a sister is going through... just venting out the feelings.. SK
Hi SK.. Very sorry to hear this.. Does your brother have any close friends with whom he shares his feelings? I don't think it is good to advice more and more if he doesn't like it.. May be he can engage himself in his hobbies so that it may give some peace of mind.. He can also do some social work if he likes. This may give an opportunity in interacting with more and more people and he will get some happiness in helping people who are helpless. May be he may also find a suitable partner during this process.. Be positive..
Dear SK, please back off from your brother. He doesn't need what we might think he needs. If he has clearly indicated that he isn't interested in getting married again, please leave him be. He has to heal after his divorce. It isn't up to the family to find him happiness. The best thing to do is to let him know you are there and help him share what he feels with you rather than him worrying about what you wish for him. Please do give him space. He is an adult and will need to take responsibility for himself. Keep him company without making him feel the presure about what his future plans are or how worried you are. Let him live for the moment until he heals.
SK, How long since the divorce? May be a therapist could help him. He is either unable to communicate his feelings to you guys or is unwilling to. This is a time when you should stand with him and listen to him. Take care of yourself and be happy. Only when you are happy, you can care for others and make them feel better.
I agree with guesshoo response. Although you and your family may be thinking you are caring for him, knowingly or unknowingly, you are perceiving him as a "40-year-old divorcee with no kids". Your perception of him must change and you need to identify him for what he is and not make his marital status his identity. Take interest in his life in general that does not include women or marriage. Build his trust that he can be himself around all of you and the dreaded question about his past or future marriage will not resurface.
However close you are - every relationship needs some breathing space and privacy. Only then a relationship lasts. Please treat him as an adult. He is responsible and let him do what keeps him peaceful and happy. One does not need to be married and have kids in order to be happy Dont judge his happiness based on his marital status.
Op...please back off and stop making him feel like a loser(you may not realize it but your post suggests you are looking at him only through his single status) .There are plenty of people who lead a good life being single.