Intrusive Relatives! Suggestions Needed

Vaishnaviayyar1 · Oct 28, 2016

Hi,
Just be polite even if u don't want to be when u come across them.Dont force ur husband into taking sides.Just tell him u are not uncomfortable around his relatives as their remake hurt u.Nothing is gonna entertain a bunch of callous relatives more than a defensive email.They will call each other and talk about it for days.So try to play it of cool.Never let the words get u.if it doez that's exactly what they want and they win

sensitivegal · Oct 28, 2016

@Vaishnaviayyar1 : such a matured advice.. thanks a lot.. you are true.. I don't want to succumb to their comments.

livingitup · Oct 28, 2016

Dont ever email... it written proof to scrutinize every word of what u write....

and for ur own sanity.... ignore... i know it is difficult but trust me, it is much more easier than fighting

sensitivegal · Oct 28, 2016

@livingitup thanks.. I completely ge what you say.. emailing them is a poor and impulsive idea.. however this ignoring part although I say I want to do but practically I can't.. when somone passes derogatory remarks and cheap comments on me.. I can't simply watch or hear it.. I will answer them back immediately.. similarly I can't forgive them too.. what would you do if you were in my situation?

Vaishnaviayyar1 · Oct 28, 2016

I don't think it's a good advice but it works.You see every mother would have shown unconditional love towards their son.So ur husband would not raise his voice against his mom or her family simply because he was unconditionally loved and cherished by them.And the guys don't like hurting their mom or anyone in the family because of this.It's definitely not because he loves u less.He is just clueless lost kid in these situations.And regarding talking back these exact words and name calling will be used against u.So if u really wanna speak back to them use sarcasm or flattery they don't deserve.Tell them how kind and caring they are to offer their concern and feedback about you .Just laugh it off on their face and see the reaction.Nothing irritates a person more than unnecessary politeness and lack of seriousness when u laugh.And on a positive side the words cannot be used against you

sensitivegal · Oct 28, 2016

@Vaishnaviayyar1 thank you... one more matured advice.. but I am not like the kind of person whom you have described above.. I am very straightforward.. I can't fake .. not be someone's who is outside something .. inside something else. But sometimes being SMART helps..we need to be diplomatic as well.

sensitivegal · Oct 28, 2016

All said, I feel lonely as said before at parents you are an outsider as you belong to DH family, in Dhs family you are an outsider as I come from other family.. don't we all have desire to be treated equal? Treated fair? Don't we all (DILs)want to feel the feeling of oneness.. feeling of belongingness..lost in thoughts..

kcb · Oct 28, 2016

Dear @sensitivegal....

I can understand it's really hard to face these kind of allegations. I feel it is your DH's fault. Why he has to share your past with his mom, how can his mom make him to tell about your past if he really doesn't want to share. He should have told her to not to go into past stories.

Again it is your DH's mistake to keep quite when his aunt commented about you. He doesn't have to argue with them, he can politely tell his aunt to not to bring those topics. As a husband he should think about your respect too, after all this is about your character assassination. How can he keep quite?

sensitivegal · Nov 1, 2016

@kcb - I agree. he didn't tell his mother.. his mother found out somehow by spying on me.. when she asked him.. did have any past.. he has said yes.. because for him it was not a big issue.. he never thought his mother would make the situation this much bigger...
my dh character is like that he often doesn't react even when it is needed.. his aunt even taunts him as well .. saying he does not have permanent job.. pls get out of USA.. ( he is in IT ) but he doesn't defends himself also.. he says we will meet them only for 2-3 days in a year so why fuss?!?! Anyways we can't change her.. it is known in the relatives circle that she has foot in the mouth syndrome!her own son was divorced twice, he says that it is mainly because of her behavior towards DIL... basically my dh says you won't throw stones in the mud. becoz the mud falls on you..