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Embarrassing Moments Due To Mil Or Inlaws.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rupz, Oct 27, 2016.

  1. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hugs to you . Having these kind of people around is difficult especially for sensitive people. Take this incident as an opportunity to understand one thing , you are a fully grown up woman ,not a child . No one has the right to yell at you and get away from it. Go to your mil, look into her eye and tell her in a firm tone that what she said was unacceptable . tell her, never do this again. Op, if I were you, I would not let this go lightly. live by the motto , " I'd rather die on my feet rather than stand on my knees"
     
    yellowmango likes this.
  2. sunshine1970

    sunshine1970 Gold IL'ite

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    Biggest mistake was running home. You should have finished your spa services and paid no attention to her (next time don't pick up her call). You need to take a strip out of your DH, what man let's his mother speak to his wife that way. You should be more mad at him. Ignore the lady. I would give DH silent treatment.
     
    Lakshmi6197, yellowmango and minn1 like this.
  3. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    Ok OP..

    I read through some of your old posts. Your MIL is an extremely jealous, insecure person. You have to stop feeding her.

    Stand up for yourself. No one else will.

    Please don't change your parlor for this. Next time she yells at you..walk away, put the phone down, put on some music in your headphone. No matter what don't yell back at her. Make her understand through subtle, strong messages that you are not threatened by her. She wants to hurt you & you are getting hurt..she wins. Develop techniques that will help you deal with stressful situations.

    an example:
    - my mil is super gossipy & insensitive. Whenever she goes on one of those rants, I keep quiet. She figured this out, then she started trying to pull me in such conversations..by saying things like..what u think, did this person say anything to u. I now respond by saying..I have to go now ma, something came up..tata & put the phone down. I don't even wait for her to say bye :p. Now she has stopped.

    see..no one can hurt you unless you give them the power. Give the power to ppl who are important like your parents, best friends, siblings, hubby. But not your MIL!
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  4. Vaishnaviayyar1

    Vaishnaviayyar1 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear rupz,
    Firstly I will have to disagree with calling yourself fat or ugly.Please be kind with yourself .I am sure u r sweet lady.Coming to your problem the best solution in handling a bossy MIL when ur husband offers no support is by ignoring her.Ppl who are rude by nature are very talented in fighting , creating drama and dialogue delivery.I am sure not all of us can compete with that.So just make a sad sorry face and refuse to argue.Don't create any drama and keep repeating ur point of view like a parrot patiently when they provoke u to argue.Keep saying u just thought it was OK since it was near to ur house.Do not acknowledge replying to any counter qs or argument.Just repeat the same thing even if it dosent make any sense.This always works as its screws up a brain well prepared for a fight.So just mess up with people's brain my doing things they never anticipate.In short reply as not replying is impolite but don't make much sense.It sufficiently messes up ppls brain ans will to fight.
     
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  5. BeingSoulful

    BeingSoulful Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Rupz,

    Kudos to your strength! It really takes a lot to say nothing to her when she behaves like this with you. I have been married only for a year and a half now but the little time I have spent with MIL I can relate to their mindset.

    Firstly its very unfair to quote yourself "fat & ugly". When you don't love yourself, respect yourself. Don't expect others to do so. People always see you in your eyes. I agree it wasn't right for her to do what she did. But somewhere you have made that space and gave her that power to treat you badly and yell at you.

    Please don't cry! Crying will make you weak, self-pity wont help you now. Always remember, you cant win over people like her, so the best you can do is "Ignore" her. Learn to protect yourself from her. Protect yourself from any situation which can give her opportunity to ill-treat / disrespect you. When she is fine with you, talk to her about this. She cant behave like that with anyone. If talking doesn't help, simply ignore.

    You should also talk to your H. Unless he makes you important in the house, your in-laws will never respect you. He should not let this happen. Fight for yourself, nobody else will.

    They enjoy when you get weak, So continue to be strong!

    With Love!
    BeingSoulful
     
  6. Beijee

    Beijee New IL'ite

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    I dont see why you need to be embarrased.

    Your mother-in-law, after being informed by you, a day prior to your hair appointment, and still calls to say nasty things reveals to other people the kind of person she is.

    Just go back to your parlour when you need it.
     

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