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Greetings From An Old Timer And A Quick Update On Life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rakhii, Oct 22, 2016.

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Oct 26, 2016 #51

Durga18 Silver IL'ite

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Rakhii said: ↑

It’s been long. How have you been doing? I am back, I know! About time. I missed you all. Really missed this wonderful group of women.

I thought I would stop by and update you all about how things are at my end. Some of you might remember I left in an extremely sad state.

I am happy to report that my life turned around.

For those of you who don’t know me, my husband and I were having a very difficult time. Married for 9 years, 2 kids. He was a narcissist and his passive/aggressive behaviour used to depress (clinically) me. When I was pregnant with my second baby, we had a big fight. Super big fight. Lots of tears on my part.

So when I left, I was going to counselling. I found out my so many things about my SO (I don’t want to go into details).

It was really bad. Bad enough that I wanted to leave him. We used to talk together only when it’s absolutely necessary.

I was suggested to (by close friends) that having 2 life changing events in the same year may not go well (baby and a divorce). I was told, wait. Gather courage and when the baby is born, see how things are and then make up your mind.

Mind you, it wasn’t easy. I was devastated. Baby was born and then I got really busy. And a few months later things were still not improving. Then I made up my mind. I was going to leave him.

When I was grieving for the lack of intimacy, grieving over how my relationship went to dogs; I was always so focussed on getting things back to normal.. I Missed an important fact. I did not like the pre-fatal-fight-period. I guess I was so focussed on getting things better, I did not realize the “pre” would come at a cost.

Then I happened to talk to friend of mine. It was a life changing conversation. I am not exaggerating. She told me one simple sutra. Daimoku Chant (google it). Its not a prayer. You are not worshipping God. You are basically asking for, for…enlightenment.

Anyway, I started off with chanting into myself on and off. Within a few weeks I started feeling like a different person. I realized so many things.

Since we were talking only when needed, I had a lot of time to introspect.

Something clicked in place. I cannot pin point what. I started changing the world I live in, the things that are in my control. I no longer let him talk to me like I am nothing. I had to start believing that I am something. That comes with start respecting myself. I made positive changes around the house. Hung pictures from the happier days, from the days when we were happy. Really happy. Made food that he likes.

You can only control what you can do/think. Why am I doing all this, you may wonder. I wanted to do everything in my power to save the relationship with a man for whom I left everything behind and moved here.

So, yes, I started feeling the change while I was making the changes. I invested in good simple makeup that lasts all day (I ended up making it a work from home online business), I get out of PJ’s and be nice. Not for him, mind you, for myself. I felt and looked beautiful.

I started working out. Again, not for him, but for me.

All along, I never left that chanting. I kept doing it on and off.

One day I noticed he started making an effort too. Its took us 18 months of a difficult period before it started getting better.

He still gets angry at times but its like a completely different man. Sometimes I get scared…who is this wonderful man? Is he the same one who was a narcissist geh48ej@$^. We laugh, we spend time together now. Our sex life has never been better. I feel good about everything.

When we do fight occasionally, he lets it go as soon as 2 mins vs 2 months previously. I am ok. I am happy.

So, this is what I wanted to share. Love yourself. Look and feel beautiful. Workout. Live healthy. Respect yourself. Chant.

Thanks,
Click to expand...

Happy to know your life turned around. Thanks for the post. Thanks for giving information about the Daimoku chant.

Durga18, Oct 26, 2016

Durga18, Oct 26, 2016

#51
Oct 31, 2016 #52

curiousgals78 Gold IL'ite

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Hi Rakhi,
Welcome back. so nice to read that things are finally falling into place for you. very inspiring.
Good luck and continue doing to keep everything at bay.

curiousgals78, Oct 31, 2016

curiousgals78, Oct 31, 2016

#52

Rakhii likes this.
Nov 10, 2016 #53

JustAnotherMom Platinum IL'ite

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@Rakhii, Welcome back. Always wondered where you are and what happened to you. I'm glad to see you like this

JustAnotherMom, Nov 10, 2016

JustAnotherMom, Nov 10, 2016

#53

Rakhii likes this.
Nov 10, 2016 #54

Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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JustAnotherMom said: ↑

@Rakhii, Welcome back. Always wondered where you are and what happened to you. I'm glad to see you like this
Click to expand...

thank you

Rakhii, Nov 10, 2016

Rakhii, Nov 10, 2016

#54
Nov 10, 2016 #55

Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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JustAnotherMom said: ↑

@Rakhii, Welcome back. Always wondered where you are and what happened to you. I'm glad to see you like this
Click to expand...

thanks!

Rakhii, Nov 10, 2016

Rakhii, Nov 10, 2016

#55
Nov 11, 2016 #56

vinodsinha Bronze IL'ite

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Rakhii said: ↑

. I am not exaggerating. She told me one simple sutra. Daimoku Chant (google it). Its not a prayer. You are not worshipping God. You are basically asking for, for…enlightenment.

Anyway, I started off with chanting into myself on and off. Within a few weeks I started feeling like a different person. I realized so many things.

Since we were talking only when needed, I had a lot of time to introspect.

,
Click to expand...

@Rakhii the secret is not Diamoku chant. The secret is, you started introspecting in the name of this chant, that is all. With introspection, you started changing yourself, in stead of wanting the other person to change. With introspection you could understand one very precious thing, you can't change others. You can change yourself only in accepting the others, the way they are.

vinodsinha, Nov 11, 2016

vinodsinha, Nov 11, 2016

#56
Nov 24, 2017 #57

stayblessed Platinum IL'ite

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Hi @Rakhii can you please tell me more about the daimoku chant as in should we buy that Buddhist stone for chanting this or we can simply chant folding our hands without any statue or something. I can't keep any Buddhist related stuff in my house. If we can chant simply i will do it else cant. Thats why asking you? Can you please help me.

stayblessed, Nov 24, 2017

stayblessed, Nov 24, 2017

#57
Nov 24, 2017 #58

Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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vinodsinha said: ↑

@Rakhii the secret is not Diamoku chant. The secret is, you started introspecting in the name of this chant, that is all. With introspection, you started changing yourself, in stead of wanting the other person to change. With introspection you could understand one very precious thing, you can't change others. You can change yourself only in accepting the others, the way they are.
Click to expand...

Totally agree. The chant acted as a medium for me to focus, which I lacked before. It helped me channel my thoughts.

Rakhii, Nov 24, 2017

Rakhii, Nov 24, 2017

#58
Nov 24, 2017 #59

Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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stayblessed said: ↑

Hi @Rakhii can you please tell me more about the daimoku chant as in should we buy that Buddhist stone for chanting this or we can simply chant folding our hands without any statue or something. I can't keep any Buddhist related stuff in my house. If we can chant simply i will do it else cant. Thats why asking you? Can you please help me.
Click to expand...

oh dear! you absolutely dont need anything at all in your home! All you need is a chant that will help you channel the energy into positivism. That's all. A simple OM as a chant will also help tremendously. The chant helped me in the sense that i was focusing on what the meaning was...i.e getting rid of the rut in your mind and being a flower that you really are. Cleansing your mind and heart.

I never sat in a place to chant. It was in the back of my mind, while cooking, bathing, in the train etc. I cant reiterate enough on focusing your mind.

Rakhii, Nov 24, 2017

Rakhii, Nov 24, 2017

#59

stayblessed likes this.
Nov 24, 2017 #60

Ineedhelp1 Bronze IL'ite

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@Rakhii Thanks for sharing the story. It is really inspiring. May god bless you with many more happyness

Ineedhelp1, Nov 24, 2017

Ineedhelp1, Nov 24, 2017

#60

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