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Do Parents Love Their Children Equally?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Sparkle, Oct 26, 2016.

  1. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    I am willing to choose from multiple answers.......a few have done it right... a vast majority gets it wrong....where the latter goes wrong is something I want to understand .. so it could be avoided in the future..
     
  2. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    IMO sometimes parents do the favoritism and sometimes children perceive the difference of treatment due to situations/age difference/difference-in-abilities as favoritism.
    treating each child equally in all areas is not possible at all but yes loving children equally is possible.but that doesnt mean the all parents love their children equally.
    I feel that i love both of my daughters equally, rest my daughters will tell me when they will be grown up.

    Regarding property division, let me share a situation:
    parents A are having 2 sons s1 and s2.s1 is living in US while s2 is in India living with his parents taking care of them. Now what would be the fair division of property???
    1. both gets equal share: now s2 may think that i have taken up all the responsibilities of parents, still s1 got to get equal share, my parents loved him more.
    2.s2 gets more as he is taking up responsibility of parents : now s1 may think that s2 has got more share as my parents loved him more.
    now what parents can do here???

    IMO till the time you are getting love of parents, may be little lesser than your sibling, all is good,may be not best but good none the less.
     
    vaidehi71 and Sparkle like this.
  3. poovai

    poovai Platinum IL'ite

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    It is not that parents deprived of one kid for another, in any way. They feed, cloth, educate and marry off to the best they can for everyone. But there is a slight partiality involved in that. For example, mom giving her 'jewelry' to one daughter, 'stash' of money only to the son when visiting, or 'treating' son-in-law/daughter-in-law/grand kid better than the other.

    The sad part is, the same partiality also carried on to their grand kids.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2016
  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    I love them all the same but treat them differently . Why ..because they are different people..they have different strengths and weaknesses. Handling them the same will be actually counter productive.
    A parent is not a machine..we don’t come with a preprogrammed set of actions…a large part of my interaction with them is reaction to their behavior. What I do try to be is to be fair at all times. Fair and true to my heart.

    Will I play God and try to equalize should one of them struggle at a later point in life when it comes to property division..may be . I don't know.
    It was ridiculously easy for my parents and PIL..their kids financial standing is almost identical. The division was trivial. I am not so sure I will be that lucky. Only time will tell.
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2016
  5. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Looking at this thread from two perspectives:
    - as a parent
    - as a child

    I guess this would help. My idea is that both are connected. What a parent learned about parenting,as a child will have its impact in several ways. Its very natural to think my mom and dad did so and so, so let me follow the same with my kids. Or the other side, my mom and dad did not do this thing right, so let me never make those kind of mistakes with my kids.
    Even second,third.... baby decisions are made sometimes based on how their environment was when they grew up.

    A parent who has siblings is also influenced in some ways, may be because they want to fit-in with the family, they have grown up to think my sis or bro is almost always right. Why not use the same strategy with my own children?

    Or a parent who was a single child and is married to a person who has at-least one sibling. He/she always wanted siblings and is introduced to the concept of siblings only after marriage. Plays a huge role with their own children, IMO.
     
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  6. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Case specific, guesses:
    What S1 missed about S2's life: S2 stayed put, made sacrifices probably and sacrificed a life abroad for parents. S2 is not 100% happy that he had to sacrifice his own career, but he is making the best of what he can.
    What S2 missed about S1's life: S1 may be away and living in US but he is not 100% happy being away, he is probably carrying the guilt of not taking care of his own parents.

    But how to measure their choices? What is the worth of the effort S2 is putting into taking care of his parents? What is the worth of the guilt S1 is carrying in his heart? If we put a price tag on each of these, which one is more expensive?

    Cultural factor is the culprit here. We cannot escape it. Parents are proud to say that their son/daughter is living abroad, but at the same time they hold the other sibling close for staying put. Its unfair to both of them.
    Parents don't have that outlook to set their children free even if they are very grown up. Same way, if a child wants to take care of the parent(s), it should not be based on property, it should be out of free will and bonding.


    Let the children distribute property among themselves. Stay away from their lives after a point of time, say 18 or 21, and let them build their own lives. Intervene and help only if necessary and only when asked?! Sure, all parents should enable everything needed for the child to move up and get their own lives, but later don't expect anything from them and tell children to not expect anything from parents too.

    Else do not distribute property to children at all. Why should it be a race to win money, indirectly win the invisible trophy of most loved son or daughter? Love and money should two separate parallel lanes.
     
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  7. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    in every circumstance trusted what my dad did and never questioned or even doubted his decision and to till date never even thought of asking my sibling what was his share as I still don't know or would never want to know. All I wanted was that unconditional love and my dad gave me that. No wealth could replace that love ! Blessed to have parents who love their children equally

    On the contrary have seen parents who don't treat their children equally...

    @kaniths quoted yours as I liked the way you mentioned about acceptance and was not replying you. Sorry about that!
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2016
    Lathasv, KashmirFlower, Amica and 2 others like this.
  8. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Kind of the essence of this thread... how a few get it right? There is something done right from a younger age that took over in the later years.....what are the others missing ?!
     
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  9. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    So much conveyed with so little words! Parents don't deprive children in any way ....very well said! But the partiality or favouritism exists silently...and so do the expectations .....it comes out when children become adults....is it the fact that children being adults can handle it?! Also true that its passed down generations after generations .... another reason to look into the problem to give a better life for our kin..
     
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  10. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Thought provoking...
    If a parent treats the kids differently and loves them equally, what is left to worry about the future ? Yes, what a parent does or says is not received 100 % received by kids... even then the parent is doing the right thing.
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2016

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