How Can I Overcome The Hatred Feeling

You have taken the right first step darling. Everyone here has already mentioned how anger is not right for u. It will not go away easily, so take ur time to heal through this, just try to avoid being in constant state of anger especially around the kid. Kids have this way of sensing their parent's feelings and aura. Unfortunately, they bear the consequences of divorce, more so if one the parent is extreme like your ex. I pray that this therapy will work very well for you.
During this time, you are the source of comfort, care, love and understanding for ur kid who may not understand any of this clearly.

We tend to avoid friends when life is throwing its share of problems at us. But you need to slowly reconnect with your social circle. Good friends ( may be very handful of them) always tend to support us in the tough times. As some one said here, happiness is the real revenge. The more ur socially outgoing, happy and healthy, the worse he will start to feel about himself. The best place will be to reach a neutral state where his presence/absence wouldn't really bother u. That will his punishment. When a healthy, happy, grown up and successful kid eventually starts understanding ur role in his life, that will be a punishment for ur ex. Pls try and avoid wasting ur energy on cursing him because after all, karma is there for everyone. Let it unfold for him to experience.

Since u r open to meditation, do you want to try forgiveness meditation by Sandra Ann Taylor. There is also a very good book she wrote- hidden power of your past lives. Another good book is everyday karma. Both of these books have helped me in the past to understand why certain people come into our lives and what is our part in resolving the karma with them. After a lot of time spent on understanding why things happened with me/my family, I am now at a place where radical forgiveness is looking like a Possibility.

P.S- I myself am taking grief therapy sessions.Initially, I was so upset that I avoided being mindfully present in the session. I couldn't see any point in it.i wouldn't talk, wouldn't cry, just sit and be in my own world. Therapist would sit with me and she would say that I will get my answers when I am really ready to receive them. But slowly the sessions started helping me to express freely. At times, I don't express, just feel. My BP started to come down to the normal range after a few sessions. I highly recommend to stay consistent and get as much help as you can. This phase will pass, I promise. You are better off without toxic people in ur life.

 

GOK... It is a very positive step taken towards betterment. Bcos what I believe is a disturbed mind can never look after the welfare of the children. So All the best. Remember just you can make it happen.

 

I can relate to you very well here only difderence is that i am still living with him and trying not to get divorced. But my hatred towards him and his family is making me sick always. As u said i was never like this.
Gud tht u r going for therapy

 

Please heal yourself... Hatred and Revenge is not the solution of life... There are some Karmic reasons why we have to go through all these problems though we never have hurt intentionally in this life before, so let karma and universal energy take your problem and go for meditation.. leave behind the grudges.. It is not you who can give punishment and rewards.. Just do your duty and move..

God Be With You
Shruti.

 

Dear Op

Too many good advice has already flooded this thread. While it is unfortunate that you were married to a piece of scum on earth, it doesn't justify your wastage of time on the scum and personally I feel we, women, do not deserve that.

Having said that, I empathize with you. Leave it to a professional to deal with your ex.. see that you are legally and socially outbound to him. The money from him would actually taint the growth of your kid. Even if he agrees to pay, give it off to charity or donation where it is used for the benefit of some needy kid..

Meet a therapist, find an outlet for your energy levels to be transformed into constructive work.

All the best for a bright scum-less future

 

Any divorce attorney will tell you that mixing emotions and money during divorce is bad advice. The money doesn't become tainted just because it comes from the abusive spouse. Besides the woman is not taking money unduly. She is taking what she & her children are legally entitled to. The law never leans on the side of "generous". It is fair. Marriage is like a contract (infact it is a legal document) that implicitly indicates that assets earned during the marriage is no longer YOURS or MINE but OURS. Hence, the law is not doing anybody a favor when it says that all marital assets are to be divided equally and the parent who has sole physical custody is legally entitled to receive child support payment from the other parent. After all, BOTH parents created the child and thus both should be financially accountable.

Some Women feel guilty about "taking" or "accepting" spousal support. No need for guilt or shame here. The law doesn't say that the WOMAN always gets support. It basically says that the higher earning spouse and/or with greater assets will pay to the lower earning spouse and/or with lesser assets.

Some women also wrongly assume/hope that maybe the man will think more favorably about them if they accept less money than they are legally entitled to/ OR that they will be perceived by others as having "benefited monetariy" from the divorce/marriage.

All this may infact be true in some situations (where people married and divorced for the payout). BUT for the most part, decisions on money must be separated from emotions. The truth for the most part is that a man is unlikely to change his mind about divorce or think the woman is a great, noble woman because she turned out spousal/child support she was entitled to.

The law will rarely let any party walk away easily with a large sum without a solid case being made.

So ladies, especially those with child(ren), please think with your mind (not heart) when it comes to alimony and child support. Don't put yourself and your child through needless suffering by rejecting alimony or accepting less alimony than you need and are legally entitled to (note - did not use the word DESERVE as what one deserves is subjective).