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Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rihana, Jun 22, 2016.

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  1. Oct 24, 2016 #501
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    So, your MIL firmly belongs to the set of people who think old parents are sons' responsibility, and she is not so keen on women (and their husbands) taking care of the women's parents. Her thinking is wrong, in multiple ways - ethically, socially. And even from a practical pov. A DIL who takes care of her own parents is more likely to also take care of in-laws. If a man helps a woman in taking care of her parents, helping her siblings etc., she will return the favor multiplied (generally).

    But, if any one, a young man or his parents, do not believe in this kind of thing about son-in-law helping the woman's family, it is better they avoid certain kind of matches. Such thinking is ingrained, and doesn't change easily.

    The point that that particular family has the mother self-sufficient, and daughters' education etc taken care of, and the son-in-law's responsibilities will be minimal, if any, is true. That was a good match. But, the older woman's thinking won't allow her to see it for that. And so, for everybody's peace, better to not go for such a match.
     
    Rihana, Oct 24, 2016
    Rihana, Oct 24, 2016
    #501
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  2. Oct 24, 2016 #502
    gauridinesh

    gauridinesh Platinum IL'ite

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    Absolutely. Which was what we did in the end. My FIL, H and me tried a lot to see reason with her. But she just kept repeating the same thing. Finally, it was decided that we will not pursue it .
     
    gauridinesh, Oct 24, 2016
    gauridinesh, Oct 24, 2016
    #502
  3. Oct 25, 2016 #503
    Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    IMG_0214.JPG

    Something just for a laugh!
     
    Laks09, Oct 25, 2016
    Laks09, Oct 25, 2016
    #503
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  4. Oct 25, 2016 #504
    Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Often the arrangement is decided over a cup of tea and snacks. Even before the tea and snacks, girl thinks guy is handsome, earns in 6 figures, no sisters, can travel abroad with him later. Nuclear family discussion won't come up or she is told not to bring it up, that she can adjust for few days and fly away with her hubby.

    She may not get a groom with a "guy who is living separately" tag in her ad, but she will have enough coverage in sensational news. :sunglasses:
     
    Sparkle, Oct 25, 2016
    Sparkle, Oct 25, 2016
    #504
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  5. Oct 25, 2016 #505
    Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    Deleted
     
    Sparkle, Oct 25, 2016
    Sparkle, Oct 25, 2016
    #505
  6. Oct 25, 2016 #506
    Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    The girl is not allowed to post an ad for herself. She may know how to navigate a matrimonial website, but her ad will be proof-read and edited a million times. Not just her immediate family, but her extended family also will pour their suggestions.

    Even if the girl lives abroad, working, self-sufficient and so on, she is still living in her inner family circle, she is expected to. Her own family will not let her speak up about simulated marriage environment. They are more open to the nuclear family arrangement, but she is forbidden from talking about it. Because they will lose the alliance.

    I really don't think there is a pool yet that accepts live as nuclear family for few years. In laws think the DIL will take over from the few years and they will never see their son back. So son is pushed not to speak up.
     
    Sparkle, Oct 25, 2016
    Sparkle, Oct 25, 2016
    #506
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  7. Oct 25, 2016 #507
    jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    jskls, Oct 25, 2016
    jskls, Oct 25, 2016
    #507
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  8. Oct 25, 2016 #508
    Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    :) Guess who sent it to me? I send texts with "honey" and this is what I get back.
     
    Laks09, Oct 25, 2016
    Laks09, Oct 25, 2016
    #508
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  9. Oct 25, 2016 #509
    jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    Ha ha ... when I shared this the reply I got was none of the pricey things are sweet or edible as honey it seems :)
     
    jskls, Oct 25, 2016
    jskls, Oct 25, 2016
    #509
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  10. Oct 25, 2016 #510
    Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Ooh. Sweet talk!
     
    Laks09, Oct 25, 2016
    Laks09, Oct 25, 2016
    #510
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